The Price is Wrong, BITCH!

After 35 years hosting the game show, Bob Barker will retire from The Price is Right next June. "I will be 83 years old on December 12, and I've decided to retire while I'm still young," the beloved daytime personality told the Associated Press. "I'm just reaching the age where the constant effort to be there and do the show physically is a lot for me."

I'm not even going to try to find an original way to make the "price is wrong" joke here, since none of the 5000 bloggers who tried did very well with it anyway. Instead, I'm including this video of the Bob Barker scene in Happy Gilmore. You know the one.




I'll also link to a little montage the kids at College Humor put together awhile back, just to remind Barker what he's walking away from: the best bouncing boobs in the program's long history (or at least the portion of it available digitally). I just have to note that the girl with the HUGEST boobs in the SMALLEST shirt hails from my very own alma mater, Arizona State University.

GO SUN DEVILS!

And Another Thing...

A lucky garbage man finds 200 nude photos of Marcia Cross in her garbage and is planning to sell them to the highest bidder. Cross has hired a lawyer to get them back. Note to Marcia: a shredder would have been cheaper. [Hollywood Rag]

Mischa Barton and her boyfriend, Whitestarr frontman Cisco Adler, may be calling it quits. [Pop on the Pop]

Viacom Overlord Sumner Redstone puts his dentures back in for long enough to give us a few more soundbytes on why he kicked Tom Cruise to the curb. [Yeeeah!]

Courtney Love reveals that she was pursuaded to enter rehab through the efforts of none other than drunk driver extraordinaire Mel Gibson. The Kabbalah thing she picked up elsewhere. [Hollyscoop]

Brad Pitt learns of his half-naked appearance on a Vanity Fair cover along with the rest of the nation. [TMZ]

Kate Hudson's Ex is Moving On

Kate Hudson's soon-to-be ex-hubby, Strange Bearded Man (aka Chris Robinson), was spotted kissing a mystery brunette at LAX yesterday. I guess with all the news of Kate running around with Owen Wilson, Strange Bearded Man decided it was time he got a little nookie himself. Anyone know who this mystery woman is? Let us know!

Is Brandon Davis Still a Huge Tool?

Yes, yes he is.

Paris: What are you going to dress up as for Halloween, Brandon?

Brandon: Lohan's vagina.

Paris: Oh my god that is soooo funny.

Brandon: Totally. I know. I'm going to wear a big orange wig. Like a firecrotch. Except on my head. Get it?

Paris: You are, like, the most creative and witty person I know.

Brandon: Yeah. That's probably true.

Paris: Yeah.

It's Topher's Turn, Dammit!!!

First, Wilmer Valderamma got Lindsay Lohan (and, you know, everyone else with a vagina and something resembling a movie career). Then, Ashton Kutcher got Demi Moore. Finally, it's Chris "Topher" Grace's turn, as he is now rumored to be banging none other than Ivanka "Wharton Undergrad" Trump. Atta boy!

Ryan Did a Bad Bad Thing

Accoring to the "National Enquirer," Ryan Phillippe was caught sending suggestive emails to his sexy co-star in "Stop Loss," which he is filming in Morocco. Her picture is above and her name is Abbie Cornish, who is a sexy Austrialian blond actress. Evidently, Reese found these messages while she and Ryan were in New York for the "Flags of Their Fathers" premiere.

Reportedly, they have been having an affair that started the first day of filming. I hope this isn't true, but Hollywood hotties don't have the best track record.

Paris Admits She is a Tease...World Doesn't Believe Her.

I don't know why Paris has decided to publically come out and say she is not a slut over and over again. Maybe she just "cuddles" with all of the guys that she is reportedly "dating." At least Lindsay Lohan comes out and says she likes to sleep around. I respect her for that. I just have to say, if you make a sex tape when you are 19 years old and you continously are surrounded by hot dudes while intoxicated YOU ARE GETTING LAID...A LOT. Come on Paris. Nobody is going to believe you. Embrace the ho within.

Good Morning! Happy Kevin Federline Album Release Day!

I hear it's some other manner of holiday today, too, but, seriously, who cares if it's freakin' Christmas? The Kevin Federline album drops today! You can listen to Playing with Fire (the censored version) for free on AOL music now. You only have to stick around for two minutes to hear the very first usage of "California kush." God, weed is so cool.

I'll be honest: it's not a terrible rap album. It's not, guys. Sorry to disappoint. It's pretty unremarkable aside from the fact that it's Kevin Federline's, but it's not that bad. The album is largely centered on his bizarre rise to fame, and there are some great lines. On "America's Most Hated," he wonders, "Who told this bastard that he can't rap / I've got fifty mil / I can do whatever I want." And you know what? He's right. (I'll note that I've seen the last part of this line taken out of context in a variety of reviews, paired with a line that comes earlier, "All these model chicks wanna do me," implying that he's unfaithful to Britney. That's not what he said, guys, and if you're looking that hard for a reason to criticize, Federline won.)

Throughout the album, KFed is consistently straight-forward about who he is and why he's famous, and I give him credit for that. It's typically peppered with the obligatory references to driving fancy cars and drinking expensive liquor and smoking killer weed, but there are also plenty of references to Britney (who he always refers to only as "my wife"), and they're all really sweet. He mentions more than once how much he's in love with her, and I started to understand -- just for a minute -- how Brit fell for him.

Look, it's not a stellar album, and if he weren't married to Britney Spears, you'd never hear anything about it (primarily because it never would have been made). But the thing is, he knows that, and he's honest about it on his album. He gets points from me for that. It's totally mediocre, but it's not so awful as we'd imagined. I mean, have you ever actually listened to the lyrics in anything Gwen Stefani wrote? Playing with Fire is Pulitzer Prize material in comparison. Also, there's a hidden track. When was the last time an album had a hidden track? Dookie?

The hype surrounding the album hasn't seemed to help ticket sales for Federline's shows, as Page Six reports that his Cleveland show was canceled due to lack of interest, and his NYC show is likely to meet the same fate. But today -- and just today -- you're okay in my book, Kevin.

What Happened to Aaron Carter?

Seriously people, what happened to Aaron Carter? He used to be a cute little tween star who dated Hilary Duff and now, after watching an episode of "House of Carters" I am shocked. He looks strung out and is covered in tattoos. It is sad because he really has had a messed up home life.

I know that poor Aaron has been through a lot. In 2003, his mother and sister spoke out during the Michael Jackson hysteria and admitted that he had spent a night in the superstar's Neverland Ranch. They publicly wondered if anything had happened between the two. I bet that was a healthy thing for Aaron, you know, to deny he was MOLESTED by Michael Jackson because his mother brought it up in the media. Following this, he also severed ties with his mother when he claimed that she took $100,000 out of his bank account.

This site claims that during the height of his teen fame Aaron spent "$1,500 to $2,000 on drugs every month." This claim was substantiated by the National Enquirer who came out with the above picture of Aaron reportedly smoking pot when he was 15.

Then he proposes to his 22-year-old former-Playboy-model fiancee Kari Anne Peniche in Vegas and quickly takes it back. I hope Nick Carter is helping his little bro because his E! True Hollywood Story is on its way.

Picking up the Pieces: Whitney is BACK, Bitches!

Whitney Houston makes her first public appearance, newly sober and split from Bobby Brown, looking great. Let the comeback begin! [Celebrity Smack]

Michael Jackson moonwalks back onto our national radar, announcing plans to marry his children's nanny and make a rare public appearance at the World Music Awards in London. Everybody stay very quiet. Maybe he'll just go away. [Hollyscoop and Hollywood Backwash]

X17 has footage of Lindsay Lohan less than an hour before she was spotted screaming and crying in her vehicle after all-night partying. She leaves Paris Hilton's house with a pizza box covering her face, walks into her car (like, literally -- she runs right into it, with the pizza box obstructing her vision), then drives off. When the paparazzi are asking if you're okay to drive, maybe you should ask yourself the same question, Linds. [X17]

Live television is so much fun! Isn't that right, SNL? [Defamer]

It's cute when photogs decide they're going to stop bloggers from using their photos. [HGW]

Wanna Carve a Virtual Pumpkin?

So it is Halloween and you don't have a pumpkin but you still want the thrill of carving. Also, Halloween is on a Tuesday and you need a way to celebrate the holiday at work while dreaming of your childhood sitting around and gorging yourself with candy.

Since you are too old to trick or treat and being an adult is lame, carve yourself a virtual pumpkin.

Anna Nicole's Son's Body May Have to be Exhumed

In the comedy of errors that is the life of Anna Nicole Smith, we learn the model/reality TV star may have to exhume the body of her son Daniel from its burial place in the Bahamas. Anna may be deported from the Bahamas because she lied to the government to gain citizenship, so she'll have to unbury the son it took her 39 days to bury to take him with her to the U.S. Once she gets here, she will, I'm sure, have to face Larry Birkhead's paternity suit head-on. Since Anna's been boinking her old lawyer and got ditched by her most recent one, she'll have to find someone else willing to risk his reputation to defend her.

Let the Rumors Begin!

The rumors about the cause behind the Reese/Ryan split have already begun a-churnin'. Currently, we're being told that Ryan was carrying on an affair with a Vancouver waitress while filming a movie in Canada. To which we reply, "Ryan Phillippe still makes movies?"

Another One Bites the Dust

Young marriage doesn't seem to work for Hollywood. Ask Jamie Lynn Sigler, Jessica Simpson, Kate Hudson, and now, sadly Reese Witherspoon. After months of speculation by the tabloids and many whisperings of arguments between this golden couple, they have decided to formally separate. According to a statement made by their representative to TMZ, "We are saddened to announce that Reese & Ryan have decided to formally separate. They remain committed to their family and we ask that you please respect their privacy and the safety of their children at this time."

Evidently the split isn't because of one specific thing but rather a "cumulative" series of problems. Maybe it is because he got loaded at her Golden Globes triumph. Maybe it is because he was emasculated by the fact that he was still "that hot guy from 'Cruel Intentions'" and she was an A-list Hollywood star.

All snarkiness aside, they have two beautiful children and it is sad that they couldn't make it work. Just last year when Reese won her Oscar she stated "I'm lucky to find a person to share my life, and the best friend I'll ever have...I don't think I can imagine a better guy than the one I've ended up with."

Sad.

Get It??? Get It????

Yeah, Bill Maher, we get it.

Madonna Has Put a Kabbalah Bracelet on Her Goddamn Infant

A Rough Night for Lindsay and Nicole

It's been a rough weekend for Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan. Late last week, Richie checked into a treatment facility to determine "why she's not been putting on any weight." We in the gossip blogging community are proud to announce that we quickly helped her doctors solve that little mystery, because Richie was out and about on Saturday night, partying with Lohan.

Whatever Richie was ingesting that night (we've ruled out food) didn't sit well with her, because she passed out at Hollywood club Hyde around 2 am on Sunday. The club manager wanted to call an ambulance, but Richie's friends insisted they would take her to a hospital themselves, carrying the celebutante out the back door.

Lohan didn't fare much better. She was spotted sitting in her car at 6:45 Sunday morning, convinced that the paparazzi tailing her were trying to hit her car. She seemed "out of it" and looked as though she'd been crying. My guess is she wasn't driving to an early-morning mass after a good night's sleep.

All this comes as News of the World releases an exclusive interview with Lohan, in which she talks about her battle with anorexia and bulimia. She discusses a night in 2004, where she feared for her life at the house of then-boyfriend Wilmer Valderrama. "I felt so sick," she said. "I lay down on the bed and started getting these shooting pains. I was screaming, throwing things, because the pains were so intense in my head." Regarding ex-boyfriend Harry Morton: "I have only been in love once and that was with Wilmer." Ouch.

Joking aside, I hope Nicole and Lindsay become willing to take the actions they need to get healthy again. Come on, girls! Look at Courtney Love. You can still do strange, obnoxious, publicity-generating things -- and we'll still make fun of you -- just do them sober.

Weekend Round-Up

Rapper Snoop Dogg is arrested on suspicion of illegal drug and gun possession. At an airport. If he were smart like Paris Hilton, he'd keep his damn weed in his teddy bear when traveling. [CelebSlam]

With a Teen People camera crew following her, Brooke Hogan spends $900 at LF in NYC. After the cameras leave, she sends a flack to return most of it. [Page Six]

Aw, Mischa Barton is crying. That means she's hungry. [Celebrity Smack]

The extended trailer for the sixth season of 24 is online, so you can have some brand new imagery for your Jack Bauer fantasies. [Tabloid Whore]

Check out side-by-side pictures of Madonna in 1979 and daughter Lourdes this year. My guess is little David will not bear the same resemblance. [WOW Report]

Steve Irwin's widow is not happy that the guys from South Park are already poking fun at his death. [HGW]

Caffeine Will Kill You

There is an article today that I read about how bad energy drinks are for the youth of America. I'm not the biggest fan of the get up and go energy drink, even though I have been known to enjoy a few Sugar Free Redbulls. My poison usually is simply a vanilla latte from Starbucks or a couple Diet Cokes. One interesting thing that I gained from this article was a website called "Death by Caffeine." It is awesomely stupid. You put in your favorite form of caffeine, be it Red Bull, Coffee or our favorite, Cocaine. Then you put in your weight and press a button that says "Kill Me."

184.58 cans of Diet Coke will kill me.
106.64 cans of Red Bull will kill me.
30.47 cans of Cocaine will kill me.
141.25 cans of Budweiser B^E will kill me. (Um, this is questionable...4 vodka sodas and I won't remember how I got home.)

This website also has some interesting other tidbits of news, including some horror stories of what happens when you actually attempt to drink 20 cans of Redbull. I don't really think these energy drinks are so bad as the fact that people are just really stupid.

David Letterman vs. Bill O'Reilly

Round two. Go.

The Ultimate iPod Accessory

Christmas is right around the corner. But why wait? Get one of these for your loved ones today. After all, Kevin Federline's album comes out on Tuesday.


[Thanks to Just *dot* Christina for the tip. Er, I mean, for the heads-up. Shit. No. Thanks for the penis. Wait. Grr.]

Gonna Catch You Ridin' Dirty

I don't know if she is naked. I don't know if they are doin' something nasty. Use your imagination.

Thanks [Mclady Celebrities] for the hot pics. There are more where that came from...

The Entire Season 4 OC Premiere

I keep hearing awesome things about this season. Watch the entire premiere here, a full week before it airs on television. I never really followed the show, so I haven't watched it, so I can't really tell you how it is. But if you watch it and you have an opinion, please let us know in the comments. I think we're all interested to see how a dead-Mischa OC will shape up...

Kate Moss Topless and Dancing

While you all are hard at work solving my movie puzzle, you might want to take a short break to relax, have a cup of coffee, and check out Kate Moss topless and dancing. It's mesmerizing, really.

I Need Your Help!

This is a link to a ridiculously addictive game, sponsored by M&Ms. It's a big Halloween-style picture, and you have to find the 50 movie titles represented in the picture. Some are pretty obvious, and some are impossible. My coworker and I dedicated a great deal of the workday to this today (I mean, come on, you have to take breaks from blogging every now and then), and, with our powers combined, we got 40 out of 50. But there's no answer key! So I am stumped on the last 10! Help me, readers! Here's what I need:

• The woman carrying the two children (Thanks Tina!)
• The three children dancing in a circle (Thanks to -- no shit -- my mom!)
• The giant baby lying on his back (Thanks to Oliver/my early-morning vision)
• Both items on the stairs (the green M&M and the two men) (Thanks to Miss Dee Chester!)
• The snapped branch (I'm retarded -- this wasn't even a clue -- the other clue is the steps themselves, which I got thanks to Miss Dee!)
• The grim reaper inside the circular fence (Thanks to Miss Dee!)
• The hunched-over man with the lantern (Thanks to Miss Dee!)
• The man with baskets on his head and feet (Thanks to Oliver!)
• The planets (Thanks to Miss Dee Chester and the anonymous commenter!)

Leave the answers in the comments or email me. If you're stumped on any of the others, I've got answers! I'm willing to trade!

Update: Got 'em all! Thanks guys!!! YOU ROCK!!!

Quote of the Day

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you look like Paris Hilton."

A customer at LA restaurant Koi, to Paris Hilton.

Nicole Richie Thinks You Are Retarded

Nicole Richie is stumped. The 25-year-old celebutard checked into a treatment facility this week, because she just plumb can't figure out why she can't put on any weight. That's so funny. Because it totally didn't seem to be a problem for her at all until a couple years ago. But I suppose a lot of women go through that experience in their mid-20s. As their metabolism changes and they move into adulthood and engage in internationally publicized feuds with their sharp-taloned ex-best friends, they just drop massive amounts of weight for no reason whatsoever. Richie's camp has managed to rule out one possibility for sure: she is absolutely, positively, without a doubt, not eating disorded. Says her rep:

Nicole Richie has decided to undergo diagnostic treatment to determine why she's not been putting on any weight. She is working with a team of doctors and specialists whose focus is nutrition. It is important to Nicole that she achieves this goal in a healthy way as this is not a treatment for an eating disorder.

What will this "diagnostic treatment" unveil? A particularly persistent form of irritable bowel syndrome? Hypothyroidism? A leak? Only time will tell. In the meantime, Nicole's rep is unloading some of the starlet's assets to cover the cost of treatment, and she has a bridge available, if you're interested.

Link-tastic

Jared Leto has gone from attacking bloggers in the press to attacking them at MTV awards shows, with some Elijah Wood choking thrown in just, you know, so we'll take him seriously from now on. [Pink is the New Blog]

Mariah Carey's Hong Kong concert is canceled. Promoters say it was due to poor ticket sales and Carey's "unreasonable demands." Carey's camp says the promoter didn't pay. You be the judge. Or, you know, just go on with your life. [Celebrity Smack]

Sara Evans and her husband, Craigslist surfer extraordinaire Craig Schelske, settle their divorce details. Access Hollywood has the courtroom scene on video. [Access Hollywood]

Danny Bonaduce drops his pants on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, airing this Friday. I link to this item only because a kindly CBS PR flack emailed me yesterday to make me aware of it, and certainly not because I have any idea who Craig Ferguson is or why he has a television show. Actually, the same is true of Danny Bonaduce. [Hollywood Gossip Whores]

Somehow -- somehow -- Tara Reid thinks that, if more movies went straight to download, as her most recent one did, more actors would have jobs. Christ. There aren't enough italics for this. [BWE]

The More You Know

Once again. I love John Krasinski.

Fashion Victim of the Week

Oh Miss Mary Kate. I understand that you are still trying to rock the "Boho" or "Homeless-Chic" look. The only problem is is that it has gotten out of control. Perhaps I could forgive the fact that you haven't brushed or washed your hair in a few days. Perhaps I could forgive the whole plaid situation. The issue I have to take with your outfit is YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE NOT WEARING PANTS. Honey, if you wear leggings, be sure you are covering up your lady parts. Or wear leggings that are a little more opaque. She totally is in need of a makeover. Where are Cher and Dionne when you need them?

Brangelina Planning to Adopt Again

Although it won't premiere until sometime around the year 2020, the greatest reality show ever continues its casting process, with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie planning to adopt another orphan, this time from India. A source says they plan to bring the child to the U.S. by Christmas. While Brad wants to adopt a boy, Angelina may be leaning toward another girl. The source says that "whichever they end up with, they'd like to name the child India to honor its homeland," and, of course, to graciously set up the "finding nirvana in India" jokes for me to knock out of the ballpark when I'm writing a celeb gossip blog in my forties and India Jolie-Pitt is banging her Greek shipping heir. Pitt and Jolie are currently in India filming the upcoming A Mighty Heart.

Jolie has three children already. The first, Maddox, was adopted in 2002 from Cambodia, a region Angie fell in love with while filming the first Lara Croft film. Zahara, now nearly two years old, was picked up from Ethiopia; and, of course, we're all familiar with Shiloh Almighty, the omnipotent union of the Jolie-Pitt genetics, who made her much-heralded arrival to our simple planet in May of this year.

Angelina has said in the past, "I want to create a rainbow family. That's children of different religions and cultures from different countries." Thanks, Angie. I needed that spelled out for me. The other term I hear a lot lately is "dirty sanchez." Do you know anything about that?

Case Closed

Quote of the Day

"Finally, to my boyfriend, who I happen to be married to...with the good loving you give me every day, and especially last night...it's no coincidence that I'm freer and braver to leave the house, because I can't fail, because I get to come home to you."

Sandra Bullock at the 10th Annual Hollywood Awards

Wow Sandra. I'm jealous.

In Case You Want to Stalk Bruce Willis...

They're filming the new Die Hard movie, Live Free or Die Hard, in El Segundo (south of LAX) for the next four weeks. If you want to know when and where, here's the traffic advisory:

Thursday-Friday, Oct. 26-27; and Monday-Tuesday, October 30-31
Imperial Highway: One lane between Nash Street and Aviation Blvd. will be closed as crews prepare the street for filming. A fence will be added to the street’s center median to serve as a set piece. Traffic will be able to go through, but there may be delays.

Thursday-Sunday, Nov. 2-5; Wednesday-Sunday, Nov. 8-12; Saturday-Sunday, Nov. 18-19
Imperial Highway: Eastbound lanes will be closed completely from Nash Street to Aviation Blvd., 9 a.m. – 4 p.m. No traffic will be permitted through.
Imperial Highway: Westbound lanes from Aviation Blvd. to Nash Street will be closed 9 a.m.-7 p.m. with the following exceptions:
-One lane will be open whenever possible to accommodate airport traffic cargo
-Local access will be available at Douglas St/Atwood for entrance into 2300 Imperial Hwy.

Saturday-Sunday, Nov. 4-5, 11-12, and 18-19
Century Freeway I-105:
-Eastbound lanes from Sepulveda to La Cienega closed.
-Connectors from I-105 east to 405 north and south closed.
Sundays, Nov. 5 and 12
Westbound lanes from the 405 Freeway to Sepulveda (next to LAX) will be closed 5-7 a.m. only.

Another Reality Show Participant Makes a Straight to DVD Movie

I get a bit sassy sometimes when reality shows refer to their participants as "cast members". I am a struggling actress (the secret is out!) so I have issue with these reality whores ending up in movies and television. Because of "Laguna Beach" and its even faker spin-off "The Hills," the reality star to actor ratio is going to get much higher. Why, you ask? Well, I have a sneaking feeling that these "cast members" are actually "cast." Do you think it is a coincidence that LC is dating the Prince of Malibu?

On a reality casting note the Hollywood Reporter is saying that "Brian Drolet (MTV "The Hills") is set to appear in "Burial at Sea," an indie teen horror movie being directed by Joe Knee. Drolet will play a pro skateboarder who unknowingly hires the cursed captain of a possessed yacht for an expedition to shoot the ultimate skateboard video. Drolet is repped by Metropolitan and Cole Payne Management."

Possessed yacht? This has straight to video written all over it. This guy seemed like such a tool on "The Hills." At least he looks good with his shirt off.

An interesting link for those dudes out there who like big ole reality TV boobies. Robin from the current "Duel" challenge series takes it all off for the cameras. [IDontLikeYouInThatWay]

America's Cultural Learnings of Borat Fail to Reciprocate

Sacha Baron Cohen's film, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, will only open in 800 theaters, as opposed to the previously planned 2000. "Our research showed it was soft in awareness," says Fox's distribution chief. A recent survey revealed that only 27% of moviegoers were aware of the Borat movie.

Honestly, I'd make a Borat-related joke here, but I'm with the rest of the country: I've got no idea who this character is. So the headline's as good as it gets.

It's a Boy for Matt Leinart and Brynn Cameron

Congratulations to the Heisman trophy winner and his girlfriend, USC basketball standout Brynn Cameron. The couple welcomed their first child, a boy named Cole Cameron Leinart, on Tuesday morning. Matt has been linked in the past to Paris Hilton and Kristin Cavallari. While he's been dating Brynn on and off since early 2005, he has yet to appear in a single picture with her, which is why we have to keep running that damn USC basketball shot whenever we write about them.

Won't You Stay for a Link?

Dude, Naomi, mellow out a little. Light up a joint, cut a line, just relax. Supermodel Campbell is arrested -- again -- for assault, this time for scratching up the face of her drug counselor. [Staralicious]

A run-down of your favorite TV show theme songs, complete with video clips. You don't know how wonderful it is to listen to the 90210 theme over and over again until you've tried it. [Pajiba]

I think Howard K. Stern paid this woman to file court papers claiming she's the real mother of Michael Jackson's children, because she makes Anna Nicole look like Isaac Asimov. [Glitterati]

In case your TiVo malfunctioned, Hollyscoop has a good summary of Madonna's Oprah interview. [Hollyscoop]

Cute new pics of Madonna adoptee David Ritchie (nee Banda). [Just Jared]

A game of mad libs as played by Rachel Zoe and Wes Anderson, respectively. [The Gilded Moose]

America loves Karen Walker. Megan Mullally? Not so much. [Jossip]

Mucca's Still a Liar

Heather Mills isn't really winning over people's hearts in the UK. According to this article in the Sun Online "Mucca is a bloody LIAR," the press in Britian is attempting to expose Heather's claims that Paul beat and humiliated her as false.

They also go through various statements that Heather has made in the past to expose her as a liar.

Here's a smattering of lies that they have caught her in:

LIE: Heather told Sir Paul she had only been a topless model. In June we revealed she was snapped in a string of pornographic poses for a German sex manual.

LIE: Lady Mucca frantically denied working as a prostitute. But in July it emerged she was a £5,000-a-night hooker whose clients including arms dealer Adnan Khashoggi and an Arab prince.

This is keeps getting dirtier and dirtier. I guess the UK hasn't had a good scandal in a while. Battling one of the of the most popular figures in Britian in the press isn't the best idea. It is kind of like getting the people to hate Prince William. You are not going to get them on your side no matter how hard you try. You can cry cry cry that you got one leg but unless you wrote a bunch of popular songs that changed the face of British music, we don't care much.

For another interesting article on the uphill battle Heather must face in the hearts and minds of the British people check out [Hollywood Gossip Whores]

Thanks [Perez Hilton] for the article link.

Kiddie Porn or Child Models?

There's been quite a bit of discussion on the interwebs lately about this model at the Ashley Paige show at L.A. Fashion Week. Such a young girl in such a small bikini. People want to know what on earth her mother was thinking. I agree! I mean, if my six-year-old daughter was offered the opportunity to walk a fashion week runway in a barely-there bikini, I'd make damn sure she didn't have any tan lines!

Quote of the Day

"With the psychotic, middle-aged Madonna out there on the loose buying up all the stolen Negro babies in Africa, I felt it my social and humanitarian duty to take in any young, beautiful and sexy orphaned Jew teens running wild in Beverly Hills. Cory's a great kid, and I'm proud to be her daddy."

Actor/director Vincent Gallo, 45, on his relationship with L.A. socialite Cory Kennedy, 16.

Sorry Everything's Links Today. I Have a Day Job, You Know.

Two celeb apologies in one day! Isaiah Washington's very sorry his homophobic, violent nature continues to leak to the press, while Paris Hilton sincerely regrets getting caught driving drunk. [Hollyscoop and PopSugar]

Every. Single. Episode. Of The Office. Online. Right now. [TVLinks]

An (undergraduate) degree from Wharton and a boob job? Ivanka Trump is totally her father's fantasy woman. [MollyGood]

ANTM winner Eva Pigford prepares to host My Model Looks Better than Your Model, a new fashion-centric show on BET. It premieres November 1. [Vibe and Bossip]

Jason Priestley signs on to star in a pilot for Lifetime. As sad as that is, Luke Perry's got The Sandlot 3 on his agenda for next year. Ian Ziering? Voice work for Biker Mice from Mars. So, um, way to go, Jason! [I'm Not Obsessed]

If you haven't really been following the epic battle of Rush Limbaugh vs. Michael J. Fox (Limbaugh thinks Fox is faking the symptoms of Parkinsons disease to promote a political candidate, Fox is, um, promoting a political candidate), let Gawker catch you up. [Gawker]

If Kate Moss is really pregnant, she may want to stop guzzling champagne. Unless a thin coat of alcohol could actually help shield the baby from the cocaine. [BWE]

Josh Hartnett's really peeved about having to bang the Sexiest Woman Alive. [Star]

What is Scientology?

Thanks to a recent commenter for pointing us toward this video. Someone snuck a camera into a screening of this Scientology orientation video, so you too can get a 36-minute introduction to the religion Katie Holmes is marrying into.

Evil T wondered what their wedding would be like. I'm not sure, but around 23:50 there's a church scene. It's a "Christening," and I'm pretty sure there's a big ole' cross behind the minister. See, guys? Scientology is just like that Christianity you know and love, except with more aliens and intergalactic warfare.

Even if you don't watch the whole thing, please check out the end, starting around 32:30, where you're warned that you have the opportunity -- right now -- to determine the course of the "your next trillion years." You can choose Scientology, or you can choose agony and despair. For a trillion years, people. "I'm sorry," says the host, "but that's the way it really is."

Anyway, if you're gonna watch it, watch it today, before I get the cease and desist letter.

The Unsung Hero of MTV

I normally don't watch the Real Wold/Road Rules Battle Challenge series anymore. It has gotten to the point where they are just screaming at each other talking about strategy. Strategy? Please. This show used to be funny because people would do stupid challenges, get drunk and hook up with each other. Lately they have become a bit self-important. I miss The Miz and Ruthie.

I guess they added a few new people to the mix in the last "Fresh Meat" installment of the series so I was fully confused the first episode this season I tried to watch. I was about to switch off the show until I saw a girl named Diem. This slight, pretty girl was fretting about having a wig because she had recently gone through chemo because of ovarian cancer. I was compelled to learn more about Diem and I found a a great article on Glamour's website.

I was shocked to learn that this beautiful woman, at 25, was the age of me and my friends. I couldn't imagine going through all of that in front of a national audience and she did it twice: first on the "Fresh Meat" challenge and now on the "Duel". She gives this season a good story outside of the usual "watch reality stars mate in captivity". If you need an MTV fix, check it out and root for her all the way. I can't think of anyone else more deserving of a $150,000 prize.

All Together Now

In today's episode of the Anna Nicole is Functionally Retarded Show, we learn that Anna previously tried to convince a wealthy paramour, G. Ben Thompson, that he was the father of her newborn girl. The only hitch in the plan? Thompson had a vasectomy years earlier. Has anybody explained to this woman that there are magical science machines that can determine definitively who a child's father is? [Fametastic]

Isaiah Washington was supposed to appear on Ellen Wednesday to clear up the allegations that he's a violent, homophobic jackass, but he canceled at the last minute, citing a change in production schedule. Grey's less controversial star Katherine Heigl was sent in to diffuse the situation instead. [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]

Not to be outdone by TMZ's scoop on his birth certificate, X17's crew hid in the bushes outside the Spears-Federline household for an unspecified amount of time, and now they have video of Jayden James Federline. [CelebSlam]

Entourage creator Doug Ellin has a similarly styled show about Wall Street types in the works. Because i-bankers really are like the movie stars of the east coast, just a little more self-centered and detached from reality. [BankersBall]

Not only has Lindsay Lohan heard of Dick Van Dyke, she also doesn't think he did a very good job with that whole Mary Poppins project. [Hollywood Gossip Whores]

Pay attention, because I will probably never write these words again, but Paris Hilton actually looks really good in French Vogue. [Teddy and Moo]

Lest you think I have any shame, here are pictures of Jake Gyllenhaal's man loaf. Don't worry, he's wearing pants. He just should have also worn underwear. [A Socialite's Life]

Ever want to know more about the music you hear on television and movies? Drake Lelane's blog covers the soundtrack of your life (because, if you're like me, television and movies are your life). Check out what you heard on last week's Grey's Anatomy. [thus spake drake]

Hump Day Fashion Links for Y'all

To get over your hump day at work, here are some interesting links from the world of fashion.

If you didn't think it was sexy for a man to carry a purse, enter the "murse," which is sweeping the "metrosexual" market. [AOL News]

If you want to support the J.Lo juggernaut of casual wear domination, check out her cute new line of sandals. They are all under $100 and you too can rock it like Jenny from the block. [Sandal Showcase]

Hermes proves that even the French have a sense of humor. [Counterfeit Chic]

You getting married anytime soon? Daily Candy has some cute ideas to make your wedding much cuter than TomKat's! [Daily Candy]

Wanna look fashion forward without breaking the bank? Check out [Frugal Fashionista]

Enjoy!

Dying is So Lucrative

Even in death celebrities can make money. In celebration of Halloween approaching in one week, I thought I would review a little article from Forbes Magazine that profiles The Top Earning Dead Celebrities. Once a celebrity is no longer with us, his or her estate can earn millions of dollars through song licensing, DVD release or simply being an icon.

Here are a few interesting examples of rich dead people:

Kurt Cobain- In death he became a cultural icon and this year made $50 million dollars through the sale of part of his catolog. So now we can hear Nirvana songs selling cars, soda, etc... way to sell out, Courtney Love.

Elvis- The King will always be a cash cow, even in death. This year he made $42 million dollars through merchandise and a new boxed set of his hits.

Charles M. Schulz- Snoopy will always make money through syndication of his cartoons and products based on his famous characters. Urban Outfitters is coming out with a line of Peanuts t-shirts and these add up to the $35 million dollar gross he had this year.

Marilyn Monroe- The only woman on this list, she made $8 million dollars this year in death. Her image is used to sell Dom Perignon, Absolut and cars from GM. A European company is also developing a "Marilyn" perfume.

So artists aren't the only people that can rake up million in death. Happy almost Halloween.

My Middle Name is Earl

Britney baby mystery solved! TMZ got ahold of the kid's birth certificate, which indicates that Britney birthed a male named Jayden James Federline.

My favorite part of all this? Kevin's middle name is Earl. And, when asked to sign the document, he printed his name. Oh, well. At least he spelled it right. Small favors, right?

TomKat's Crazy Will Now Be Legal

Tom and Katie's rep have now confirmed that their wedding will be November 18th in Italy. I'm glad for Katie since she already got brainwashed and knocked up in the course of a year while waiting in vain for her big wedding. They have been engaged since June 2005, so this wedding has been "in the works" for some time. I wish them well even though I find Tom Cruise super creepy.

I wonder if the guests will dress as aliens? Seriously if anyone knows what a Scientology wedding entails please shoot me an email.

Want a "Celebrity" to Help You Ring in The New Year?

You can get Paris Hilton for $100,000 plus a private jet or Carmen Electra for the bargain price of $50,000. Paris Hilton and Carmen Electra's people have been snooping around looking for hot parties for these "stars" to show up at. They are looking for venues in Miami, New York or Los Angeles. I'm not sure what this really includes. Do you get a free lapdance? Will they wow the crowd with their musical talents?

I really would go with Carmen because Paris doesn't have a very good track record for showing up to events. When they opened Club Paris in Ontario she was 6 hours late to the party. 6 hours late? Carmen seems like more fun anyway. Part of me really hopes that one of them ends up at a New Year's Eve Bar Mitzvah.

That's hot.

Joan Rivers Comedy Special Online Now

Joan Rivers is my hero, and I am enormously grateful to her for being funny 40+ years ago, so that I get to be funny today (or at least try my damndest). Her one-hour Bravo comedy special, "Before Melissa Pulls the Plug," premieres tonight, but you can watch it now on Bravo's website.

Oh, come on. It's not like you're doing anything at work.

Dude, You're Getting a Quesadilla

Gawker Stalker reports that Benjamin Curtis, who starred in the "Dude, you're getting a Dell" commercials several years ago, is currently waiting tables at Tortilla Flats on Washington and West 12th. Remember when he got arrested for trying to buy weed? This is so much better.

Angelina Jolie: Fainty McFainterson

I'm so glad I didn't run this story the first it happened. Happier still that I didn't run it the second time it happened. See, folks, it's not that I find all this business of Angelina Jolie fainting nilly-willy about India to be incredibly, tediously boring, it's that I was waiting for it to happen a third time. Why take up perfectly good column inches writing about Jolie's first two utterly irrelevant Indian fainting spells when you just know it will be a way bigger story when it happens the third time?

I am such a good journalist. Good ole' Angie passed her damn self right out for the third time in India, where she's been filming A Mighty Heart alongside home-wreckee Brad Pitt, who's producing the film. Apparently Angelina is just so immersed in the character of Marianne Pearl, who lost her husband, journalist Daniel Pearl, at the hands of terrorists in Pakistan, that she just faints at the thought of a single drop of attention moving away from her and onto the genuinely tragic and terrifying story the film is trying to tell.

Okay, Angie. All eyes on you. Faint away, dear.

Studio 60 Brings Out the Big Guns

Or they bring in Jessica Simpson. I understand that she's trying to promote her poor-selling album but I don't think she is really going to be the ratings boost they are looking for. I would bring in Nick Lachey...bring in some teenage girls. I did enjoy Sting and his lute last week, but if they want to really "young" the show up other options could be JoJo, Danity Kane, or Justin Timberlake.

I like Studio 60, and Evil Beet and I both are quite miffed at the switcharoo they are doing with Friday Night Lights. I personally like both shows. I think they are both very innovative television but play to totally different demographics.

Let us see how this little venture goes. I really hope we don't lose both of them and end up with Who Wants to Date My Cousin?

Did Britney Birth a Girl?

When Britney Spears gave birth to her latest Federspawn on September 12, we reported that the lucky new Band-Aid for Britney's gaping emotional wounds was a boy named Sutton Pierce Federline. This week, sources are reporting that the baby is neither a boy nor another SPF, but rather a little girl named Jayden James.

A pal of KFed's mom says that "Grandma Federline calls the child Jayden." Now, in fairness, this woman represents one-half of Kevin Federline's genetics, so I haven't entirely ruled out the possibility that she forgets her grandchild's name with some regularity. But she's not the only one confused.

The photogs at X17 say that, a week after the child's birth, they spotted Britney's bodyguard shopping at a kids' clothing store in Malibu, and buying only pink baby items. Was Brit's security planning a practical joke for Kevin? Probably not -- he wasn't laughing. X17 explains that they don't have footage of the event because "Britney's bodyguard came at our guys, threatening to call the Malibu Police...if they didn't give him the video tape immediately."

Jayden is a name of English origin meaning "God has heard," which seems more like an ominous warning to Kevin regarding his forthcoming album than a proper name for a Spears-Federline bloodline merging, but our best wishes stay with the Federlines and their newborn.

You Win, Nick Carter

I can't hate you anymore. I can no longer despise your desperate and embarrassing pleas for attention and publicity. It takes too much energy. So I've decided to embrace you, and all the glorious Paris Hilton shit-talking that comes along with you.

The latest stop on Nick's "Fuck Paris Hilton/Watch My TV Show" tour is Britain's News of the World, where Carter states that Paris "was a drunken prude who as far as I can see did not really like sex. She relied on drugs and drinks to give her confidence in the bedroom and was more often than not too wasted to even perform. I lost count of the nights I had to pick her off the floor and drag her to bed passed out."

He accuses Hilton of smuggling drugs overseas, stating that "if she was going overseas, she'd cut a hole in her teddy and stuff it with cannabis. She had to have her own private stash with her at all times regardless of the consequences."

Continues Carter: "The only thing that made her happy was her own reflection. She spends so much time looking at herself in the mirror telling herself how gorgeous she is."

Keep it up, Nick. We're digging it now.

Today in Wonderful

What's this, you ask? It's rapper The Game (far right) getting his ass shown the door during a 1998 appearance on Change of Heart.

Said his then-girlfriend Sadita: "All he [does] is smother me or cry like a baby. That's all he does. I can't stand looking at his ugly nose . . . He's a scrub, he doesn't have a car, and I feel like I always have to drive him around."

Apparently the rap community has known about this for some time, but white people are just starting to find out, so let us enjoy this, okay?

Kirsten Dunst Doesn't Equal Box Office Gold

"Marie Antoinette" opened this weekend to less-than-stellar box office numbers. This might shock some as Sofia Coppola's mix of 80s Music and French decadence might sound slightly awesome, but mainly have looked pointedly at its star, Kirsten Dunst, as the culprit.


Kirsten Dunst isn't really a stellar actress. I will not deny that she was awesome in "Interview with the Vampire" and that "Bring it On" is one of my favorite movies of all time but it has really been downhill since then. Anyone that has seen her forced performance in "Elizabethtown" can attest to the fact that outside of the teen movie genre she is a bit "blah".

Movie critics aren't the only ones that have a problem with the movie. Historians have called her performance "frightful" and taken issue with the fact that this "biographical" movie isn't really based on actual facts. Responding to this, Kirsten Dunst said, "It's kind of like a history of feelings rather than a history of facts. So don't expect a masterpiece theatre, educational Marie Antoinette biopic."

"Kind of like a history of feelings"? I can't believe why this would have been booed at the Cannes Film Festival?

Maybe Kirsten Dunst should go back to teen movies. "Bring It On 4" anyone?

This review was the inspiration for my Kirsten Dunst moment today. [IDontLikeYouInTHatWay]

Somebody is a Copycat

Going through Page Six this morning I realized that they have a feature called the "Celebrity Star Map". Now click on this link and you can run your mouse over a map of Manhattan and see where various celebrities have been spotted doing various noteworthy things. If you are a local New Yorker, you too can have your star sighting posted on the internet. Their site is a bit sad, with only three sightings which include Jacob the Jeweler, Dr. Ruth, and Julia Roberts.

This sounds quite similar to something that Gawker instituted a few months ago except that Gawker's is quite cool, and quite popular. They have twenty-five sightings including Anne Hathaway (talking about how fat her fellow actresses were...um, honey you aren't exactly Nicole Richie), Parker Posey (evidently being a bitch but I love her anyway) and Anderson Cooper (who could also be my boyfriend if he wasn't playing for the other team).

So really Page Six, I know you are trying to jump on the bandwagon but Gawker is kicking your booty.

Weekend Round-Up

Burkegate trudges forward, with new revelations that Grey's Anatomy star Isaiah Washington has a history of violence and general on-set assholery. [TMZ]

Madonna will appear on Oprah on Wednesday to defend her kinda-sorta-legal adoption of Malawi orphan David Banda, and, probably, to plug her upcoming adoption. [Hollywood Grind]

Studio 60 is taking a one-week break from mildly amusing a viewership rich and liberal enough to know they should love Aaron Sorkin unconditionally, as NBC "quietly" slips a drama about Texas high-school football into the timeslot. What could possibly go wrong? [Defamer]

If there's anything Kate Moss and Pete Doherty need right now, it's a goddamn infant in their care. [MollyGood]

For being a billion years old, Sharon Stone still has some really nice nipples. [Yes But No But Yes]

If you thought I'd gotten all my classlessness out of my system with a Sharon Stone nip-shot, you were wrong. Wanna see up Nicole Richie's skirt? You only get to laugh condescendingly at me until you click the link. [Faded Youth]

Check out Pink's new video for her next single, "Nobody Knows." [Perez Hilton]

Wesley Snipes is on the Lam

It may be true that White Men Can't Jump, but we'll just see how they manage the extradition of U.S. tax evaders living in friendly West African nations.

Wesley Snipes was indicted last week for attempting to cheat the U.S. government out of nearly $12 million in false refund claims and not filing any returns -- at all -- for six years. The Smoking Gun has Snipes' 1997 filing, in which the Blade star reports a net adjusted gross income of zilch.

Where is Snipes now? He's in Namibia, filming a movie titled Gallowwalker. Snipes has been there since August, at which point Namibia did not have an extradition treaty with the U.S. They passed such a treaty -- unilaterally -- in September, amidst the Kobi Alexander drama, so one can assume Snipes will eventually be dragged back to the U.S. to face charges. He faces a maximum of sixteen years in prison, where I'm sure all the To Wong Foo-related praise will be, somehow, less flattering.

John Krasinski Should Date Me.

So my #1 Celebrity Crush is John Krasinski. I have decided, recently, that he should be my boyfriend. He doesn't know it yet but I totally feel like we should date. Now, I am not alone. John Krasinski is quite the sex-symbol as of late. I think we all secretly hope for a fun, sweet romance with a nice guy at work.

Here is John on "Ellen". I love them both so this interview makes me smile. I hope it makes you smile too :)
And ladies. He is SINGLE!
Enjoy!

Thanks [Pop Culture Whore] for the clip!

It's Twins for Melissa Etheridge and Wife

Congratulations to Melissa Etheridge and wife Tammy Etheridge (nee Michaels)! Last Tuesday, October 17, Tammy gave birth to twins -- a boy and a girl -- named Miller Steven and Johnnie Rose.

Hm. "Miller" and "Johnnie." Can you guess which one is the girl?

No?

That's okay, neither can any reasonable person.

FYI, Johnnie Rose is the girl. Is it possible they're pronouncing it like "Joni?" I can't tell. Actually, "Johnnie," (pronounced Jah-nee) is kind of a hot name for a girl, but it's really gonna suck for both of them when Tammy and Melissa are all like, "These are our twins, Johnnie and Miller," and people just stare, awkwardly, trying to figure out which name to apply to which child.

This is the first child for Tammy. Melissa has two children with ex-girlfriend Julie Cypher, Bailey (9) and Beckett (7), whose biological father is David Crosby. Miller and Johnnie's father is an anonymous donor. Mother and children are doing well.

Evil Saturday Links

Since I broke my foot and have no social life right now. Here are some links I found poking around the internet. Enjoy!

Evidently the way to celebrate a holiday in India is to get plastic surgery. [Washington Post]

Ashlee is totally stealing Jess's thunder. Wow Jessica, you are ranked 4th. At least Paris isn't #1. Go Ashlee Go! [E! Online]

Japanese men love kinky sex. Evidently this dude had to learn 200 Japanese slang terms for dirty deeds in Japan. I wonder if this gives the song "Turning Japanese" new meaning? [Page Six]

Demi Moore isn't the only older woman who has bagged herself a boy toy. [Salon.com]

Behold, more photos of Katie Holmes and Chris Klein's baby. Suri is actually really adorable. I just hope Katie doesn't sacrifice her to the Uba Wooba Alien God of Scientology. [Just Jared]

When you mix an amazing play by Frank Wedekind with music by Duncan Sheik you get a kick ass new musical opening soon on Broadway. The "Spring Awakening" site has some awesome videos. If you are in New York in the next few months, go see it. (Pic above is from the show) [Spring Awakening] and [Broadway.com]