Late-Night Links

Britney leaves Promises to attend an AA meeting in Santa Monica. And Perez wins this link by being the only blogger with the sense to clip the other people out of the pic. [Perez Hilton]

The Associated Press has revoked Paris Hilton's media privileges. [The Blemish]

Hide your crack; Bobby Brown's out of jail. [Celebrity Smack]

Nicole Richie is not engaged to Joel Madden, people -- she's wearing a ring because we haven't been writing enough about her lately. Sorry, Nicole. Our bad. We won't let it happen again. [POTP]

If Rumer Willis wasn't enough for you, her fifteen-year-old sister, Scout, is now officially drinking age. [dlisted]

Nick Cannon's not married, just totally pussy-whipped. [Glitterati]

Jessica Simpson on the set of her aptly named film, Blonde Ambition. [A Socialite's Life]

I completely forgot that ANTM premiered this week, so thank goodness someone thought to recap it. [IBBB]

John Mayer Admits He's Banging Jess

In the most recent issue of Time Out New York, Mayer talks a little about his relationship with Jessica Simpson.

So, what about Jessica? According to Extra, you can’t deny you’re a couple anymore.

I don’t think I’ve ever denied it. When did I deny it? I’m having the best time of my life, so if the names don’t make sense to people, that’s so small to me.

Do you feel like your fans are wondering, What the hell?

Here’s the thing: Most artists at one point or another hit a point where they divorce themselves from their fans.

So there you have it, folks. Following in the footsteps of his new love, John Mayer wants a divorce.

She Don't Eat Za

Our friends over at Elle have unearthed the fact that:

(Jessica Simpson is) allergic to cheese. And wheat. Oh, and tomatoes.

Luckily Pizza Hut's new non cheese sans tomatoes pizza is set to be unveiled. It's called the O2 and it's yours for the low low price of $9.99

Late-Night Links

Justin Timberlake announces plans to launch his own television network, JT TV. I announce plans to throw up a little in my mouth. [POTP]

Remember Lindsay Lohan? [The Blemish]

Mischa Barton does her very best Crocodile Dundee. [Celebslam]

Anna Nicole was cheating ... on TRIMSPA! Leave it to CourtTV to get the hard facts in this case. [TMZ]

T.R. Knight is not getting pushed around by anyone anymore! You hear that, Diddy? [Cele|bitchy]

Jessica Simpson and John Mayer pose for some prom post-Grammy photos. [Tabloid Whore]

Paris Hilton won't have her true commitment to the ground-breaking creation of novel soundscapes diluted by an extended appearance at such self-congratulatory nonsense as the Grammy awards. But you can take her picture real quick. [Defamer]

See? Sarah Silverman is funny. I told you so. [Gawker]

Crappy Movies Change the World

I am stunned by this quote out of Jess Simpson:

She made that decision (divorce), she says, after watching the 2004 romance The Notebook on a plane ride home to Texas. "I just figured out the statement," she says of the movie, starring Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams as star-crossed lovers. "It was about that moment of desperation. I needed to breathe."

She figured out the statement? The Goddamn movie isn't exactly secretive. Figuring it out is like figuring out the statement to Snakes on a Plane. Guess what? There's fucking snakes.

I really hated The Notebook but I know there are women out there who love it. So I'll just say this; how many times have you made a decision based on a movie? Also, now that I really bore down into her quote, the movie isn't about "that moment of deperation." It's about finding and holding on to your true love and other such hackneyed cliches. I don't think it has much to do with divorce at all. Could she mean she realized she didn't have what Gosling and McAdams had? Okay, maybe, if you attribute logical thought to Jess. But she also should have figured out that someone wrote their dialogue and they only had to get along for around 40 minutes on screen.

I feel like she should have to wear a shirt that says "I am Stupid." And it would point to her.

Late-Night Links

Best and worst of Super Bowl ads. [Film.com]

Ryan Phillippe is all about fatherhood. That and cheating on his wife. [PopSugar]

Kimora Lee gets all lesbo at Cipriani. [Cele|bitchy]

Kim Kardashian takes a page from the Paris Hilton playbook, keeps the sex tape rumors alive. [The Blemish]

Jessica Simpson dyes her hair auburn, colors face to match. [Pop on the Pop]

Ron Jeremy and Paris Hilton once played a little game of I'll-show-you-mine-if-you'll-show-me-yours in a bathroom stall. If they wanted to see each other's naughty bits, they both could have saved some time and checked the Internet. [Warship]

Jennifer Love Hewitt and her cleavage hit up The Ivy for some publicity lunch. Oh, Love. I don't even know what you're working on now. The Horse Whisperer? Or something? You'll always be that girl who gave it up to Bailey Salinger in my mind. [Rappy's]

Ryan O'Neal understands that the publics needs -- nay, deserves -- a full account of his fireplace-poker-swinging battle with his son. [Defamer]

Jeff Zucker takes the reins at NBC. Hang on tight. [Jossip]

Jessica Simpson is Not Going to Talk About Her Private Life (Except She Totally Is)

Oh, yay. Another Jessie Simpson interview. The forum: Elle magazine. The topic: Her personal life, and how she won't talk about it, and then more about her personal life.

On seeing Nick with other women: “Oh, it hurt me. Two or three weeks later? Yeah, I’d say it kind of hurt me.” Hey, Jess? Everyone's going to lead with that. Everyone. You knew that when you said it, didn't you?

On her relationship with John Mayer: "I want to tell you everything, but I have to sew my lips together. It’s hurt me in the past." Damn, that's a good plan, Jessie. Maybe you could have had that little brainstorming session sometime before the "Is it chicken or tuna" debacle. You'll get 'em next time, kiddo.

On the reality show she filmed with Nick: “I let people in on who I am and how I react to my husband. That’s a big deal. Celebrities don’t do that. So I think they brought me down just because I stopped talking and because I have not spoken – and will not speak – about my divorce. And I think people feel like I owe them my reality right now.”

Anyway, Jess goes on to say how she's still buddies with Nick, and won't say if she's currently in love (although she makes it clear to the interviewer that she is). Hey, Jess, if you want to keep your private life private, maybe stop giving interviews about it?

Late-Night Links

Nicole Kidman is carted off to the hospital after an on-set car accident, but she's so badass she comes back later in the night to resume filming. Thankfully, someone got the accident on tape. [Celebslam]

Jessica's pouty expressions and hair-twirling may be more for the camera than for John Mayer. [Cele|bitchy]

Kate and Owen take another shot at their non-relationship. You know, for the sake of the little Ryder. Oh wait. [Celeb Warship]

Pics of Carrie Underwood shooting her new music video. [Celebrity Smack]

Wrap your head around this: Paul Reubens, incapable of draw the line at masturbating in a public place, also smoked cigarettes on set. [Defamer]

Black Snake Moan is characterized as "bad Ricci-porn." Count me in! [Pajiba]

Even fast food employees are loathe to be associated with Kevin Federline. [Agent Bedhead]

They Are Actually Kind of Cute

So I hate to say this but I think that John Mayer and Jessica Simpson are kind of cute. I think they have been dating on and off for a while and John wasn't into the publicity machine that was Miss Simpson. They are finally publicly "coming out" as a couple and I think it a bit good for both of them. John needs a little drama to fuel his whiny songs and Jess needs some kind of stability so she can get off her path to crazy. I'm kind of hoping that this works out for both of them and he knocks her up, then we won't be subjected to her awful music or crappy movies for at least a year. A girl can always dream.

Late-Night Links

Jessica Simpson and John Mayer spend New Year's Eve sucking face. [Mollygood]

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty may or may not have gotten married in Thailand on New Year's Day. We can state with confidence, however, that they were both high. [The Superficial]

Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz have reportedly split for good. I bet he's realized lately what a huge mistake it was to leave Britney and hopes to win her back. [Pop on the Pop]

Wilmer Valderrama and Mandy Moore may be back together. [Bricks and Stones]

Heather Mills continues her quest to become the single most hated person in all of England. [Glitterati]

Photogs catch Nicole Richie sucking face with Joel Madden on New Year's Eve. [The Blemish]

Jess Didn't Have Herself a Very Merry Christmas

Jessica Simpson has not had the best 2006. It is being reported that on the set of her new movie "Blond Ambition" Jessica didn't leave her trailer for 2 days, prompting an intervention by her sister Ashlee. It might be a bit redundant to say that she has been experiencing quite the fall from grace as of late. First, her album flops. Second, she experiences a bout of fug as her sister gets crazy hot. Third, her movies are lameo. Lastly, her love-life has become the running joke of the tabloids. While Nick is off with his hot Vanessa Jessica's people keep trying to link her to various men with no success. John Mayer didn't seem to interested in her once their relationship went public. (secret sex anyone??) Evidently she was dating the quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys for a hot second until he moved on to Carrie Underwood.
In 2007 hopefully we will get to look forward to the pending Jessica Simpson breakdown when Nick and Vanessa get engaged, the crap that will be "Blonde Ambition," and many more bad hair extensions via her main gay, Ken Paves.
Thank You Jessica for going slowly batty, you give us the strength to move on from Lindsay Lohan.

Thanks to TMZ for this amazing article and a fantastic fat-face photo of Miss Simpson.

Late-Night Links

The long-awaited video (seriously, it took a whole day -- that's like a lifetime in the blogosphere) of Jessica Simpson running off-stage at the Kennedy Center Awards has at last arrived. [MollyGood]

Reverend Jesse Jackson is urging the public to boycott Seinfeld DVDs after star Michael Richards' much-publicized racist rant reportedly prompted a spike in DVD sales for the show. My guess is the thought process surrounding most of these purchases went more along the lines of "Oh, hey, I forgot about Kramer. Man, Seinfeld sure was funny. Those DVDs would make a great Christmas gift," and less along the lines of "You mean that Kramer guy's a racist? Oh, now I'll buy the DVDs." A Jason Alexander crotch shot probably would have had a similar impact. But whatever. [CelebSlam]

Beyonce Knowles and Jennifer Hudson are supposedly having some manner of non-feud regarding who upstaged whom in Dreamgirls. I'm not sure if I believe it less than I care, or vice versa. [TMZ]

Porn star Kendra Jade knows words like "disheartened," "inevitable," and "salacious." That or her publicist does. Either way, she didn't sleep with K-Fed. She has standards. [JordanIsYourHomeboy]

Sandra Bullock is either pregnant or she isn't. [Celebrity Smack]

Oh Hell Yes: The Lane Garrison Story Has a Jessica Simpson Twist

See, I told you it was weird. Lane Garrison, the 26-year-old Prison Break actor whose Saturday-night outing with 3 teenagers proved deadly for one of them, was sent to live with Joe Simpson as a troubled teen in Texas. Yes, that Joe Simpson. Papa Joe. Jess and Ashlee's dad. Back when he was a minister and not a manager and freelance photographer, trying to make sure the lights hit his daughters' breasts just right.

Garrison has said he and Jessica "basically grew up together."

Jessica's rep weighs in: "She loves him and wishes him well during this difficult time."

Weird. Jessica's whole Dolly Parton mishap occured Sunday night. This accident occured on Saturday night. I wonder if the news had her shaken up. Maybe (please God) there is soooo much more beneath the surface here...

Late-Night Links

The OC's Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody decide to call it quits. In real life, not on the show. Are they still on that show? Do I really care? No. [Tabloid Whore]

Eddie Murphy reportedly announces to a Dutch television show that he's no longer dating Mel B. (aka Scary Spice) and now questions the paternity of her child. His rep says these reports are false. Maybe Eddie needs to take a tip from Gwyneth Paltrow and brush up on his foreign-language skills. [TMZ]

Um...related? Eddie Murphy is dating film producer and Babyface ex Tracey Edmonds. [Bossip]

I'm Not Obsessed has a good index of YouTube clips from the VH1 Big in 06 Awards. [I'm Not Obsessed]

George Clooney's pet pig dies. Perhaps this will send him into a drunken emotional tailspin, hitting up Hyde every night with new BFF Stavros Niarchos, culminating in a glorious George Clooney crotch shot. Is that too much to ask?? [Junkiness]

I love Jennifer Garner. After her weight gain kicked off rumors of another pregnancy, she decides to just fess up: "Nobody’s pregnant. I am as physically unfit as I’ve probably been in my whole life." [Pop on the Pop]

Oh good. Tori Spelling's writing a memoir. People notes that the opus will "likely be done with the help of a ghostwriter." I would, honestly, be much more interested in the stunning work of literature that Tori Spelling would surely produce if left entirely to her own devices. [People]

Two Beckhams for the price of one Courtney Love? You've got yourselves a deal, England! [popbytes]

Jessica Chokes Up Singing 9-5.

Jessica Simpson had an Ashlee moment at the Kennedy Center honors for Dolly Parton. After singing Dolly Parton's classic "9-5" Jessica, looking quite nervous said to the crowd "so nervous" then exited the stage. I guess the audience did not clap and seemed stunned at Jess's behavior. At the end of the show Jessica appeared to be crying when all of the artists returned to the stage. There is a question to if her performance will be edited out of the show because of her strange behavior which is sad for Jess since things haven't really gone her way as of late. Maybe she was so scared that because of her declining career she might actually have to "gasp" take a 9-5 job. I mean, that would scare me to tears too.

The Kennedy Center Honors airs December 26th at 9 PM on CBS.

UPDATE: Best Week Ever has the best fake liveblogging of this event EVER.

[Source]

Late-Night Links

Mary Kate and Ashley appear on The Today Show to give their first interview in two and a half years. They both appear sober and talk mostly about their careers. Yawn. [MollyGood]

Tom Cruise wore a girdle under his tux at his own wedding. Is this some wacky Scientology tradition? Nope. He just wouldn't fit in his Armani suit otherwise. [Spank Cheeks]

Rachel Bilson accomplishes the previously unheard-of feat of simultaneously being adorable and at Hyde. [Yeeeah!]

Oh please, please, let there be a Jessica Simpson sex tape. [Egotastic]

"This Scarf is Heavy," by Paris Hilton. [The Gilded Moose]

I am going to mention Hansen without mentioning "Horseface," just this once, because they're being nice to Africa. [Agent Bedhead]

Nicole Richie does her best Hamburgler. [Dirty Laundry]

Studio 60 Brings Out the Big Guns

Or they bring in Jessica Simpson. I understand that she's trying to promote her poor-selling album but I don't think she is really going to be the ratings boost they are looking for. I would bring in Nick Lachey...bring in some teenage girls. I did enjoy Sting and his lute last week, but if they want to really "young" the show up other options could be JoJo, Danity Kane, or Justin Timberlake.

I like Studio 60, and Evil Beet and I both are quite miffed at the switcharoo they are doing with Friday Night Lights. I personally like both shows. I think they are both very innovative television but play to totally different demographics.

Let us see how this little venture goes. I really hope we don't lose both of them and end up with Who Wants to Date My Cousin?

Joe Simpson is Still Freaking People Out

Via Best Week Ever this morning Joe Simpson is still creeping people out with his strange "management" of his daughter Jessica.

Now I remember back in the day when Jess was all into Jesus and her father was all freaked out about her going off and boinking Nick before they actually got to the altar. Since she's already popped her cherry, Jesus is evidently all ok about her romping around with every flavor of the month musician. Ya, keep telling yourself that Joe.

I mean, it is really weird that Joe is now taking dirty pictures of his daughters. But I see that all the time on Law and Order:SVU...wait, those dudes go to jail.

Justin Timberlake Launches Another Fashion Line that People Will Stop Caring About in 6 Months Tops

So Justin has premiered his new “clothing line,” William Rast, during Los Angeles Fashion Week Tuesday. He is in a long line of celebrities that have really no qualifications to make clothes yet do so anyway. Is this a good idea? Let us look at some past attempts by celebrities.

Jessica Simpson- Has 3 lines of clothing. Now, I had to go to a mall in suburban Illinois to find a Fashion Bug that actually carries her clothes. I bet Jess totes wears jeans shorts from the Fashion Bug.

(Good or Bad Idea: Um, awful idea. Jess was fined $100 million dollars for not endorsing her cheap-ass Princy Jeans.

JLo- Has both a mid-priced and a high-end line which includes a lot of sweatpants. Gotta give her props for making jeans for girls with a booty.

(Good or Bad Idea: Sweetface, her clothing company grossed $130 million in 2004)

Anna Nicole Smith- Evidently she has a line in the works to show off her “Tex-Sex” style.

(Good Or Bad Idea: Unless it comes with a free supply of those diet pills I ain’t buyin it)

Mandy Moore- So I just spent like 20 min attempting to find this phantom “t-shirt” line that I remember hearing about a few years ago. I live for shopping, but I have never even seen them anywhere. I still can’t find where one can buy them but I guess her motivation was that there was a lack of overpriced t-shirts on the market.

(Good or Bad Idea: Whatever, I don’t care anymore)

Final Thoughts on the VMAs

Because you all are clearly incapable of forming your own opinions and thus are unfailingly interested in mine.

Sarah Silverman may well be the funniest person on planet Earth. As soon as one of you finds a clip of one of her VMA bits on YouTube, send me the link please.

If we could never, ever have Amy Lee and Jared Leto standing next to one another again, I'd be fine with that. Really. In high school I could handle looking at three, maybe even four goth kids at the same time. In my twenties, two is really more than I can stomach.

I may like some of her music, but every time I hear her speak, I like P!nk less.

It's funny cuz Lil' Kim is fat now. And crazy, crazy, crazy.

You know what is not classy, All American Rejects? Stumbling up to accept your award with a glass of scotch in your hands. Passing it around stage as you slur. Amusing, yes. Classy, nuh-uh.

Jessica Simpson is packing on the pounds. Where is Ken Paves when she needs him? Is her favoritism toward him angering her other stylists? I swear they are putting her in these short dresses and then running off somewhere to watch and giggle.

Ringtone of the Year award? Like, your song is so simplistic that it carries particularly well via mobile phone? You get an award for that now?

It's cool that Panic! At the Disco (good band name. oh wait.) got the whole audience to scream "whore!" It's a shame that Paris Hilton wasn't on stage at the time. The rest of the performance was great visually, but the lead singer was so nervous I don't think he hit a single note right. Too bad cuz it's a great song.

It's nice to see Petra Nemcova so happy with James Blunt now. You know, after the whole almost-dying-in-that-one-tsunami-that-claimed-the-life-of-her-boyfriend-and-hundreds-of-thousands-of-others thing.

I'm pretty sure Britney and KFed got booed. And rightly so. That was the dumbest bit tonight. And that's saying something.

I LOVE YOU XTINA!

Oh, that "marry me marry me" song is by Jared Leto's band. Hm. I like that song. How odd. If he becomes some big famous rock star now, I just don't know how I'll reconcile that. I mean, My So-Called Life was cancelled. Everyone else in that cast got the memo.

For reals, Sarah Silverman, I would very much like to go out with you. Jimmy Kimmel's star is falling, sweetie. Mine is just beginning to rise. Get on board with a winner. Pick me. Choose me. Love me.

When you, as a blogger, start quoting Meredith Grey because you can't think of anything funnier, it's time to go to bed.