Paula Abdul Quoted While Drunk

Paula Abdul, taking a page from the Isiaiaiaiah Washington school of kicking sleeping dogs has decided to go on the offensive against all those hating on her substance abuse problem.

She Said (re: rumors she does a mix of crack/cocaine/meth/PCP before going on the air):

That's nonsense, the 44-year-old "Idol" judge tells Us Weekly magazine in its February 16 issue. "I've never been drunk. I have never done recreational drugs," she says. "Just look at my 20-year career. Tell me someone who is into partying or doing drugs that could have done that."

Wow. There's a lot to deal with there. First off, Keith Richards. Secondly, what 20-year career? Third, if you were high as a kite on prescription drugs just say so. We've all taken our meds twice on accident. In your case the 500mg double dose of horse tranquilizers would truly mess your 100lb frame up, we get it.

"I have never missed a live show," Abdul notes. "Even when I had surgery on my hand (for an infection caused by a botched manicure in 2004), I left my hospital bed to go to the show."

Technically this is true. She's never missed a show. However, there have been shows that they chose not to "show her on camera" because she kept mentioning that "tweety bird was stealing her moon rover."