Brody Jenner & Spencer Pratt Are Exactly the Tools You Thought They Were

Man, this interview should be required reading for the whole world. Especially Lauren Conrad.

Details magazine sits down with the male "stars" of this season of The Hills, Brody Jenner and Spencer Pratt, to discuss their bizarre rise to fame.

Some sample dialogue:

Pratt: “Do you trust me?”
Jenner: “Of course I trust you.”
Pratt: “All right, then here’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna start dating Nicole Richie. And you’re gonna get that skinny bitch to eat, all right? You are about to become The Guy Who Got Nicole Richie to Eat. Process that shit, bro. You’ll be, like, a fucking hero to America.”

It really just gets worse from there. “Basically, I made it, like, my mission to try to go on a date with every girl on The Hills,” says Spencer, who later spends twenty minutes talking about how he's planning to make a tape of himself banging Heidi Montag, and release it on the Internet.

Also in there: apparently Lindsay Lohan is all up on Brody's cock. She texts him constantly and reportedly said that "she could cuddle with him forever."

And then they get all bitchy with Kevin Connolly. “That guy is a joke,” says Spencer. “We were Entourage before Entourage. .. Why would anyone act when they can just play themselves?” (Notes the author: "Well, there’s this: While Jenner & Co. will spend $1,000 on drinks over the course of the next two hours, Connolly is drinking for free.")

In no big surprise, most of the total jackass comments made in this interview come out of Spencer's mouth, not Brody's. I used to think Brody Jenner was totally disgusting. Now he seems like a pretty decent guy when compared to Spencer Pratt. And at least Brody is genuinely hot. Spencer, as other bloggers have pointed out, is disturbingly Steve Sandersesque.

Oh well. Here's the point: watch The Hills.