BREAKING: BRITNEY SPEARS SUCKING FACE WITH MATT LEINART!!!

Miss Britney Spears was spotted at Scottsdale's Jackrabbit Club last night getting hot and heavy with none other than Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart!

Our Scottsdale spies contacted us this morning to let us know that Britney was at the club -- trashed out of her mind and muttering that she could "totally lose the weight again if she wanted to" -- and later was hooking up with Leinart. Brit spent the earlier part of the evening at Scottsdale's Sanctuary, her favorite local resort.

Leinart used to get it on with Britney's former BFF Paris Hilton, who is apparently no longer so close to Britney, as the heiress has been heard referring to Brit unlovingly as "The Animal." Is this Britney's revenge?

As happy as I'm sure this makes Paris, certainly no one is enjoying this more than Brynn Cameron, the mother of Leinart's son, who was born in late October.

We are working on getting photos of the two during their make-out session -- they apparently exist, and hopefully they'll surface soon.

The Up-and-Coming "It" Girls

Move over, Paris Hilton. You're getting old, literally and figuratively. A whole new crop of beauties are prepared to storm the Hollywood scene in an attempt to become the next "it" girl. Here are some of our top contenders for 2007.

5. Kim Kardashian. The daughter of the late O.J. Simpson trial attorney, Robert Kardashian, made a splash on the Hollywood scene this year, hitting up hot spots with sometime BFF Paris Hilton (who thanked her in the liner notes of her album). She’s been linked romantically with Nick Lachey and Nick Cannon, and the 26-year-old with a booty to rival J.Lo’s promises to hang around in the spotlight through 2007.

4. Leona Lewis. The Londoner sang her way onto the radar on both sides of the pond as she sailed to victory on the U.K.’s X Factor. She won over the heart of American gossip blogger Perez Hilton, who ran YouTube clips of her on his website regularly. It is rumored that, after she took the X Factor crown, Whitney Houston herself called to congratulate her. This young woman promises to be a fixture on the American and British music scenes in the next year.

3. Ashley Tisdale. This 21-year-old was rocketed to fame with the surprise success of Disney’s High School Musical. She’s been spotted at a range of Hollywood parties, but has generally stayed out of the gossip pages. Look for that to change next year, as the release of her solo album in February and the summer release of High School Musical 2 raise her profile.

2. Katharine McPhee. Another product of a television talent competition, American Idol runner-up Kat McPhee graced the pages of far more magazines than its winner, gray-haired Taylor Hicks. The 22-year-old, who began the competition with a quiet, homely look, has transformed into a total sexpot, with a series of commanding photo shoots and personal interviews. Her eponymous debut album will be released in January of next year, and you can expect to see and hear much more of this young woman.

1. Hayden Panettiere. This 17-year-old stunner has been around on the soap scene for a while, but she made her mark this year on the mainstream as the cheerleader in need of saving on NBC’s hit Heroes. She’s dated Laguna Beach’s Stephen Colletti, and her debut album, produced by Britney Spears paramour J.R. Rotem, will be released in the spring of next year. She’s talented and she’s adorable, and, with any luck, it’ll turn out she has a drinking problem, too, because this girl is definitely one to watch in 2007.

This is a Very Cool Parrot

This talented parrot has very little to do with celebrity gossip (well, there's a small bit involving Mario Lopez, so maybe that counts), but it's about the cutest/funniest/most talented damn parrot on the planet, so I wanted to share.

[via Defamer]

Julia Roberts Expecting a Baby!

Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan are always griping about how they wish the paparazzi would leave them alone (Paris doesn't usually bother to lie about it), all the while hitting up every L.A. shindig at which there's even a remote chance there'll be a camera. Julia Roberts, on the other hand, actually meant it: she married, had two babies and moved to a ranch in New Mexico, where, if she is getting rip-roaring drunk and not wearing underwear, she's at least doing it inside. As a consequence, we don't hear much from Ms. Roberts, who most recently voiced the titular spider of Charlotte's Web, in the gossip world, and it's always a treat when we do.

Page Six is reporting that Julia, 39, and husband Danny Moder, 37, are expecting a third child sometime next summer. They already have twins, Phinnaeus Walter and Hazel Patricia, to whom Julia gave birth in November 2004, after a difficult pregnancy with mandated bed rest. Hopefully this one will go smoother for Jules. Congratulations to the happy family!

Danity Kane Girls...Just Like Us

Remember Danity Kane, the "Making the Band" Diddy creation that blew up the charts with "Showstopper" and has lingered around TRL since? Unless you are a teenage girl, or me, I really feel like you wouldn't immediately remember Shannon from "Making the Band." She was essentially pulled from "Fame" which was a short-lived NBC reality singing/dancing competition and injected into the "Making the Band" series by her manager Johnny Wright. She is a nice girl, virgin till marriage, you know the drill... it is quite amusing that she is in such a tarted up girl group. Take away the drag queen make-up and the Forever 21 hot pants and she really is that pretty blond girl next door. The pic above is from her visit to "Mamma Mia" on Broadway where she visited Raymond Lee, a ex-"Fame" participant and a current "Mamma Mia" cast member. I couldn't resist posting another one of these "oh look I'm in a gossip magazine" photos.

When Moguls Attack

I am at least morbidly fascinated with the whole Trump-Rosie thing, if only because this level of celeb animosity is almost never seen in the public eye. Trump struck again Thursday on a phone interview with AP. The highlights?

"Her show failed, her magazine failed. Barbara Walters gave her new life, but she'll fail at that also because she's inherently a stone-cold loser."

And, with regards to the feud:

"It will never end on my behalf because I've exposed Rosie for what she is: a very dumb human being," Trump told the AP. "She's got no intelligence, but I've known that for a long time. Unfortunately, Rosie's pulled the wool over the public."

A very dumb human being? Well then. I would say Trump is a little off on this, it's hard to call Rosie dumb compared to the average person. But really, they are both weird cats for not just going along their merry wealthy way.

Ideally this will escalate to flaming bags of poop left on doorsteps in the New Year.

Tyson Arrested for Drinkin' and Druggin' (and Drivin')

Mike Tyson used to have a viable skill, boxing. Okay, sure, that's not finding the cure for Polio but you'd have to admit it's better than say being blonde and producing a silly album (we'll always have Paris). Anyway, it's been two decades since he's done anything even remotely tangible, and since then we've had a flood of "Hey, this Tyson guy is nuts" stories. How about another one?

Tyson was placed under arrest after "showing more signs of impairment" during the field sobriety tests. Police then found cocaine on him and in his car, Hall said. The boxer was alone in the car.

The story ends with:

Arpaio said the Tyson had been to the Maricopa County jail before, but as a guest talking to juvenile offenders about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. "The irony is he did a great job with these kids — stay away from drugs, don't drink, stay out of trouble," the sheriff said.

I'm not sure that's irony. Crazy people don't really conform to the standards of the norm, thus the "crazy" term. He once bit a guy's ear off. He's done time in the joint for rape. I don't think he's capable of being ironic anymore.

The good news is EvilBeet gets a mug shot to start her New Year off right.

Late-Night Links...They're Baaack!

Memo to Pam Anderson: asking Heidi Fleiss to be your matchmaker is like -- well -- asking Kid Rock to be your husband. [A Socialite's Life]

Fantasia is looking a little hot and bothered. [IBBB]

Hooray! Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker are sucking face again. I bet now she feels really bad for not inviting him to her divorce party. [Pop on the Pop]

If you are currently running a major Britney-focused fansite, and you'd like to expand your Internet empire to cover the whole celeb gossip kingdom, now would really be the perfect time to shut down your Britney site, blame it on Britney's loss of "identity and credibility," and let gossip bloggers worldwide write about it, creating priceless hype for the project you hope to launch in the new year. Oh, someone already thought to do that? Damn. [The Blemish, World of Britney]

70% of Victoria Beckham's weight is nipples. That's nearly 35 pounds of nipples! [Agent Bedhead]

You know how, sometimes, you can be, like, a 100% heterosexual woman, and yet there are totally a handful of chicks you would probably have sex with? Yeah. Dita Von Teese. [Celebrity Smack]

Hey, Meg Ryan, your breasts are kind of like your career: they're not just going to hold themselves up forever. [Cele|bitchy]

If Loving Lindsay Lohan Is Wrong, I Don't Wanna Be Right

Bitch got her amateur strip on at Scores the other night. Via Page Six:

LINDSAY Lohan got down and dirty at Scores West for three hours early yesterday - jumping onstage to do a wild bump-and-grind, then ushering topless dancers into the bathroom to apologize for recently calling them all "whores."

"I love strippers," the 20-year-old actress gushed as she entered the famed mammary mecca at 12:30 a.m., and launched into a half-hour deejay shift during the club's "Turntable Tuesdays."

Next, "She got up on the stripper pole and began to dance with the Scores Girls with 400 customers cheering her on," said our source. "Then, she joined her entourage of 15 in the VIP area, and got lap dances from many of the girls, including a special double-dance from two strippers at once.

"It was hot. But while everybody was drinking, Lindsay was not. It was strictly Perrier for her."

Sober and stripping, which is probably more than you can say for most of the ladies who were working that night. She's a natural.

TOTAL HOTTIE John Edwards Running for President!

"I'm here to announce I'm a candidate for president of the United States," he said this morning on The Today Show. "I've reached my own conclusion this is the best way to serve my country."

The Democratic senator was John Kerry's running mate during his unsuccessful bid for the presidency in 2004.

We're still waiting to hear formally from Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.

Stay tuned.

Oops!...She Did it Again!

Not Britney this time.

It's MISS NEVADA!

Once again, sucking on a teat...that of a brunette girlfriend, true to form. Katie Rees issued a statement after the first set of incriminating photos surfaced stating that the photos were "an isolated incident." Maybe not so much. These pics were taken in a different location than the first set, and on a different date. Not that there's anything wrong with that, Katie. The guys (and girls) looking on appear to be enjoying it quite a bit. Since this whole beauty queen thing isn't working out for you, Kates, maybe you should try your hand at porn queen. You seem to come with plenty of experience.

Jess Didn't Have Herself a Very Merry Christmas

Jessica Simpson has not had the best 2006. It is being reported that on the set of her new movie "Blond Ambition" Jessica didn't leave her trailer for 2 days, prompting an intervention by her sister Ashlee. It might be a bit redundant to say that she has been experiencing quite the fall from grace as of late. First, her album flops. Second, she experiences a bout of fug as her sister gets crazy hot. Third, her movies are lameo. Lastly, her love-life has become the running joke of the tabloids. While Nick is off with his hot Vanessa Jessica's people keep trying to link her to various men with no success. John Mayer didn't seem to interested in her once their relationship went public. (secret sex anyone??) Evidently she was dating the quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys for a hot second until he moved on to Carrie Underwood.
In 2007 hopefully we will get to look forward to the pending Jessica Simpson breakdown when Nick and Vanessa get engaged, the crap that will be "Blonde Ambition," and many more bad hair extensions via her main gay, Ken Paves.
Thank You Jessica for going slowly batty, you give us the strength to move on from Lindsay Lohan.

Thanks to TMZ for this amazing article and a fantastic fat-face photo of Miss Simpson.

Vegas Baby, Vegas

I've missed Michael Jackson. He's a freakshow and he makes me feel better about my own pathetic life. I run through a mental checklist everytime I see him. Strange plastic surgery? Not me. Child luring theme park? Wouldn't even think to build one. Inventor of the moonwalk? Hell no, I rock the Roger Rabbit! You get the point.

Today is a good day because my boy is back in the news for a couple of stories. The first is that he's suing his accountants. Yawn. Everyone knows that accountants steal and the government harvests brains for moon colonies. Not a shocker there. But there is one more interesting tidbit:

"Rumor has it the entertainer plans to take a page out of Céline Dion's book and develop a live show on the Strip."

Jacko in Vegas? Oh boy! I'd long hoped for this, especially as the prevailing wisdom was he'd keep molestin' in an "old school" manner overseas. I mean, even his proud poppa thought we'd never get our fill of Michael again:

His father, (shoeless) Joe Jackson, speculated that his son would never live in the U.S. again because of the way he had been treated.

Yep, he was denied life, liberty, and the pursuit of being freaky deaky. With this news we can all count our blessings that we'll be able to catch a Dion / Jackson double feature right before we hit the strip clubs, and afterwards we'll plummet to our death from the 85th floor of the Bellagio. Classy!

Anna Nicole Ordered to Take Paternity Test

On her baby, of course, although I'd also be interested in a scientific analysis of where the hell this woman comes from. The LA Superior Court ordered Anna and her three-month-old daughter to come to Los Angeles for paternity testing, at the request of her former sugar daddy, Larry Birkhead, who claims the child is his. Batshit Anna, as you'll recall, claims the baby daddy is Howard K. Stern, her longtime lawyer and recent "husband." Frankly, I don't really care who the baby's daddy is -- it's a good story either way -- but if someone could step up to the plate and claim he's the father of Suri Cruise, just so we could get those paternity tests run, I'd be a really happy blogger.

A Fashion Post by The Beet!

So, normally I leave the haute couture discussions in more capable hands (read: Evil T), but my good friend Marc Chung (who runs a data mining blog I'm sure this audience will find captivating) pointed out to me tonight that our two blogs may have some common ground.

In his data mining adventures, Marc stumbled upon Like.com, an online software that allows you to specify items a celebrity is wearing in a photo and quickly search the Internet for similar fashion items. You can specify color, price range, and which factors about the style are most important to you, and Like.com will present you with a series of similar products you might like, and tell you where you can buy them online.

The software's still in its alpha version, so it's very preliminary. I'm pretty sure you can only use the pictures they already have uploaded, and some searches come up blank, but some work really well. It's definitely a website for fashionistas to keep an eye on.

You Are a Spoiled Asshole

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie spent Christmas with Colombian refugees in Costa Rica, while Jennifer Aniston lit holiday cigarettes with $100 bills and stirred vodka into her hot cocoa using the bones of the orphan children she's trapped and killed.

Star Jones's Husband Went to Some Very Good Schools

Check out this audio of someone calling into Star Jones' radio show to ask "How fat are you, Star Jones, and is your husband gay?" Star Jones retorts with a mostly incoherent rant about how this caller was obviously holding up his end of a bet and how he "couldn't get into the schools that my husband graduated from." Nowhere in there, of course, is a rebuttal of the implicit statement that her husband is gay.



Thanks to Pop on the Pop for the heads-up.

"Turkey Hangover" Morning Music

Last week Leona Lewis won X Factor with her beautiful rendition of "A Moment Like This." Now here is the video for this single that has swept the UK chats. This girl has an amazing voice and really does an amazing job with this song. The Beet praised her last week for her live rendition, but her recording of this AmIdol classic is trancendent. She has a Clive Davis record contract and is poised to be the next Whitney.

So even if you enjoyed the beauty that was here live performance...check out her video. Watch for this lovely lady in 2007...hopefully her hot new single will be our next Monday Morning Music!

Daly vs. Seacrest, a Battle of Crap.

As I stated previously there is nothing going on. However, I remain very afraid of EvilBeet's whip and so I've got this for your dome:

(re: both entertainers hosting New Year's Eve shows) Carson Daly has dismissed the idea that he and Ryan Seacrest are in a rivalry to replace New Year's Eve icon Dick Clark, who suffered a stroke two years ago.

The obvious comment is: How can two entities that suck have a rivalry?

Peter Bjorn and John

Oh boy!

The refrain on this one, about 90 seconds in, is Brill and also the mostest.

Prepare to be hooked you poor bastard.



Also, all the celebs seem to be holed up in their mountain lairs.

Let's Wrap This Christmas Up

Listen to this little bastard sing my personal favorite "Levon."



Yeah buddy.

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM BRITNEY SPEARS

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! THE PICS OF MISS NEVADA ARE BACK!!!

She's the one in red. TMZ ran them today, so I suppose they're fair game again (yes, Chris, I'll pull them again if you'd like). There are about a million more here. Consider this a Christmas gift from The Evil Beet (and Splash News) to you.

Fashion Victim of the Week

I'm surprised that Brooke Hogan has yet to grace our pages as a fashion disaster. In a way, she is a general walking fashion disaster but this little ensemble takes the cake. This girl is 6 feet tall so this outfit seems a little frightening, like a wall of flesh coming at you. Shorts are ok if you pair them with a top that is a little more substantial. The combo of a bustier and short shorts just comes off as a cheap outfit a 15 year-old girl would get at Wet Seal.

What Do Girls See in This Guy?

Remember Talan Torriero from "Laguna Beach? He was the cutest one on that show, in my opinion, yet I always felt a bit dirty for thinking that because he is only 20 years old. He was engaged for a hot second to Kim Stewart and I guess now he is dating 28 year-old Nicole Scherzinger from The Pussycat Dolls. Images shown here show them enjoying a lovely afternoon of shopping and cuddling even though Nicole is trying her hardest in a hoodie and dark sunglasses to hide. I wonder if she feels a bit bad for dating a boy that can't even legally drink alcohol? Talan is trying really hard to get famous post reality-TV, but I really don't think it is going to happen.

Breakin' Bands is What We Do

Have some fun music video action for your seasonal affective disorder my precious lovelies! This is a band out of Nashville (that's right, TENNESSEE!) called Be Your Own Pet.

Do I want you to like this video, and them by inference? Yes, yes I do. Hop to it.

Still Loving Some Tina Fey

Here's a nice small interview with Tina Fey from 30 Rock and Jenna Fischer from The Office. They both seem to be that rare example of smart, funny, attractive gals (just like our own EvilB and EvilT).

Some of the better quotes: (On losing in the ratings)

Tina Fey: Now we're just going to get our asses handed to us by Grey's Anatomy. But that's classier, I think. It's like getting dumped by a really handsome guy.

and

TV Guide: You appeared on People magazine's Most Beautiful list this year.
Jenna: I was 32nd most beautiful. I counted.
Tina: Wow. In the world?
Jenna: The whole planet.

Fun stuff, and both shows are worth watching so long as you are rocking the dual tuner TiVo.

Editor's Note: Expect some slow news days coming up, so we may end up talking about what I should get people for Christmas around here.

She's Always Miss Nevada in Our Hearts

Miss Nevada proved they just don't "get it." They've:

Relieved of her duties as Miss Nevada USA 2007

Why? A little girl on girl action and some drunken escapades scare them off? Is this not America? Have I woken up in the former Communist Russia?

The pictures were five years ago. Give me a break. Lastly, and speaking of pictures, Katie Rees photos are hard to find on the net these days, so you'll just have to imagine a good looking blonde. Sorry.

Naomi Watts Hates Romance

I like Naomi Watts. You should too. She's good people. But when you come after romantic comedies, you're coming after my big old heart. Read what she said in this article:

"I look at those romantic comedies, and I see actors with perfect hair and six-packs, and I feel myself being numbed, and I get angry because I see so much money spent on these things," the 38-year-old actress says in an interview in Allure magazine's January issue, on newsstands Tuesday. "I don't mean to sound righteous here," she continues. "There is need for it, because there are times when I am in a hotel room and need to be numbed. ... I keep saying to myself, Oh, God, I'm sick of playing these dark, harrowing roles. I want a big paycheck, so put me in some dumb romantic comedy any day."

Um, you know who disagrees with you sister? John FUCKING Cusack. Numb and dumb? You tell that to Love Actually sister, go ahead, tell it to its face.

I thought not.

The Rosie Rant That Started it All

Check out Rosie's (admittedly funny) rant against Donald Trump that prompted him to bitch-slap her on national television. And then, check out Rosie's response to him today.

If You Were Lindsay Lohan's Publicist, You'd Swear a Lot, Too

It has been a rough year for Leslie Sloan Zelnick, publicist to the stars. In June, client Britney Spears gave pretty much the most embarrassing interview ever to Matt Lauer. Zelnick took a ton of heat for not having been present at the trainwreck. But, as we all know, when Britney Spears wants to make a total ass of herself, that is what Britney Spears will do. She fired Zelnick in late September.

Zelnick's also had the dubious honor of serving as Lindsay Lohan's publicist this year, which I can't imagine is your typical 9-5, and it seems like, as the year draws to a close, Zelnick is thisclose to losing it completely. Star magazine is running a story this week about how, despite talk of Lindsay's AA participation, her pad is still a who's who of uppers. They went to Zelnick for comment. Her response? "It's all bulls--t."

Well, if Lindsay really does have all that coke, hopefully she's willing to donate some to her publicist. Because if anyone deserves to get loaded this holiday season, it's Leslie Sloan Zelnick.

K-Fed Now Wrestling

I've been trying to think of a joke for this, K-Fed stepping into the wrestling ring, but right now I've got nothing.

Screw it, let's just let K-Fed handle it for us:

Make all your jokes, because New Year's Day I'm the one who is going to be laughing. Oh yeah, Cena, my name is not K-Fed, it's Kevin Federline, b***h, and I want some and I'm gonna get some."

I just hope he doesn't get this Cena person pregnant.

2006 in the Land of Google

Here we go ladies and gentlemen, from Google, the 2006 Year-End Google Zeitgeist. I am taken aback by this because it does not include Britney Spears and her va jay jay and it does include a few randoms such as Martina Hingis and Autism.
This is a bit off in terms of American popular culture because it represents the results of global Google searching. I fear for the world ladies and gentlemen. Why do you ask? Paris Hilton is #1, God help us all.

This is the Google News Search List: (the Google.com one is kind of lame...it includes such goodies as wikipedia and mininova)

Google News - Top Searches in 2006
1. paris hilton
2. orlando bloom
3. cancer
4. podcasting
5. hurricane katrina
6. bankruptcy
7. martina hingis
8. autism
9. 2006 nfl draft
10. celebrity big brother 2006

Click on the above link and play around this site because there are a lot more fun things to look at. Here are the #1's that I found humorous.

#1 Question Searches:
Who is...Borat
Define...Promiscuous

Wedding Search:
1. Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban (Take that Tom and Katie!)

There is a lot more about things like soccer and prescription drugs...I love Google, I really do.

Another Beauty Queen...Another Girl on Girl Make Out Session

So I guess Tara Conner and Katie Blair aren't the only beauty queens that like to make out. Photographs have surfaced of Katie Reese, Miss Nevada, making out with a girl at a bar. Click here to see her exposing more of her goodies to the camera. I always knew these Miss USA girls were bad news. See what happens when you don't make a girl have a talent!



Ed. Update: These pictures have been pulled from this site at the request of SplashNews. You can view them here.

She's Not That Innocent

The saga of Miss USA/Miss Teen USA continues. Not only have reports come out saying that the two had an "inappropriate relationship" but also Miss Teen USA Katie Blair, 18, has been dropped as a spokesperson for Mother Against Drunk Driving (MADD). According to Heidi Castle, the spokesperson for MADD,

“In the past, MADD has teamed with Miss Teen USA to raise awareness about the serious and often deadly consequences of underage drinking. However, we do not feel, at this time, that Ms. Blair can be an effective spokesperson on underage drinking and will not ask her to represent MADD in future initiatives,”

So even though Tara keeps insisting that Katie is "totally innocent" I'm sure she was there by Tara's side partying away. Really what else are two hot blondes supposed to do in New York City?
At the end of the day both these girls are hot and famous and that is how the Donald likes it.

Update: I am sorry that we can't find a better photo of these two girls...you know something where they are in their party pants and making out. I will be searching the internet today for a Christmas miracle, ie.- some lucky dude with a camera phone that got a shot of these two girls getting it on while visibly intoxicated.

Really Early-Morning Links

Sharon Stone and Christian Slater are dating. This is a recipe for ... well ... lots of really good cocaine. [CelebSlam]

Tara Reid can still get modeling jobs. [Rappy's]

Josh and Scarlett have come to terms with the fact that they are the sexiest people under 30 on the face of this planet, and they simply have no choice but to date each other. [The Blemish]

Joan Rivers, now officially senile, thinks this country considers Jessica Simpson an intellectual. [Agent Bedhead]

Yes, of course Halle Berry's releasing an album. What did you expect her to do at this stage of her career? Act? [Pop on the Pop]

Evangeline Lilly's Hawaii home burns down. This is where I write a joke that demonstrates some background knowledge of Evangeline Lilly or that show she's on. I have no such knowledge. [Bricks and Stones]

Check out the first track from Whitney Houston's comeback album. [Bossip]

Donald Trump Not the Biggest Rosie Fan Right Now

Oh sweet Jesus. This is seriously a full two minutes of Donald Trump going balls-to-the-wall bitchy on Rosie O'Donnell. Apparently he plans to sue her. The first sentence uttered in this interview is "Well, Rosie O'Donnell's disgusting." And it just gets better from there. A must-see.

Lara Flynn Boyle Sure is Thrifty

Not only does she save daily on the cost of food, Lara Flynn Boyle got married in San Antonio this weekend for a mere $36!

According to TMZ, Boyle wed businessman Donald Ray Thomas (who is utterly untraceable via Google, oddly, unless he is a North Carolina man who died tragically in a car accident in 2001 or a physician who sits on the Georgia state senate, neither of which keeps with TMZ's description of him as a "businessman") after paying the $36 for the license fee. No party, no fancy dress, no Jack Nicholson. They reportedly had a small ceremony in Thomas's backyard following the wedding.

BITCH FIGHT

Perez Hilton's war on the man who lanced Lance Bass, Reichen Leimkuhl, continues. Perez ran this not-so-blind item today:

Riddle me this: What not-so-bright professional pretty face is making up lies in a transparent attempt to save his relationship with his meal ticket? The power bottom - who loves to engage in various illegal activities, various friends of his who have partied with him confirm exclusively to PerezHilton.com - has a history of lying. Several moles in the celebrity weeklies tell us that during his recent split with a former boy-bander, whose publicist confirmed the news, the former military brat was still claiming the two were together. Obviously one party has more to lose from the demise of that relationship and he's going to do whatever it takes to save it.

P.S. Not only did the not-so-bright homo hook up with a fellow reality TV star recently, but the two have also hooked up in the past!

It is sooo on.

Two Can Play at This Game

While most of the world took it for granted that K-Fed was cheating on Britney during their marriage, new rumors suggest that Brit-Brit may have been getting some on the side, too. Her alleged paramour is J.R. Rotem, who Britney definitely hooked up with after filing for divorce. Other sources say J.R. had a previous fling with none other than Paris Hilton, Britney's BFF of five minutes earlier this month, and that when Britney found out she put an end to their BFF-ship. However, Miss Hilton recently gifted Britney a $500 doggie carrying case, so these rumors may be unfounded.

In Touch Weekly reports that Britney actually called K-Fed to ask him if he'd seen the pictures of her making out with Rotem, and to brag about all the sex she was having. Kevin was furious and started screaming at her.

And, making yet another stop on her self-styled image rehabilitation tour, Britney stopped at a tattoo parlor in L.A. with her little sister to get a hand tattoo.

For real, though, she is totally fine. She has never been happier. This is all so. Much. Fun. Ain't that right, Britney?

Wednesday Morning Music

So it is Wednesday morning, I know. The T has somehow come down with a nasty bug that has taken away my snarkiness for a bit. Rest assured, however I am feeling better and ready to give you some lovely new music this Wednesday.
I introduce "Teardrop" by "Massive Attack" as my new favorite chill out/driving song. The vocals are absolutely gorgeous and the video is a bit creepy but very cool. For you who think "I've heard this song before," it is the in promo credits for one of my favorite TV shows "House."
Enjoy!

Madonna, Go Away.

I sure as hell don't know what to make of this. Quoting this rumor:

Madonna looks set to make her movie directing debut. An entry on Hollywood.com lists her as director of an upcoming movie entitled 'Blade to the Heat'.

The story is a:

"boxing story loosely based on the 1959 bout between Emile Griffith and Benny 'Kid' Paret".

I don't know, I don't really begrudge anyone a directing job but this seems futile. I didn't even like Clint Eastwood's boxing one, how in the world will this not turn into a cheesefest? My guess is she'll only produce it. Surely she still has some of her instincts left, the ones that haven't been eaten by a British accent.

I'm Guessing Lohan

Via the Post Today:

WHICH young starlet will never be invited back on Oprah? The night before her taping, she stayed out until 5 a.m. and then showed up to the studio an hour late stinking of booze.

Hmmmm, thinking about this Lindsay Lohan was on in November promoting "Bobby."
Just asking.

This Ain't a Scene, It's a Goddamn Social Commentary

I was just watching the video for Fall Out Boy's "This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arm Race" (a song which I think rocks, btw), and I'd always kind of listened to it absently on the radio and figured it was about war or violence on the streets or something genuinely arms-related. After watching the video and reading the lyrics, it occurred to me that it's probably a commentary on the Hollywood social scene and the way the celebutante wars are strategized (by the 'tantes themselves) to play out in the tabloids and in the blogosphere. Lead singer Pete Wentz has a killer crow's nest from which to watch this type of drama unfold, based on his relationship with Ashlee Simpson. I dunno, just thought I'd share.

Studio 69 on Van Nuys Boulevard

A MadTV parody via Best Week Ever.

Sean Penn Thinks You're a Cum Stain

Actor Sean Penn sent reporters scrambling for the least offensive way to convey the concept of "cum stain" during his acceptance speech for the 2006 Christopher Reeve First Amendment Award. Oh, and he also called for the impeachment of President Bush.

Said Penn: "Let's put his administration under oath. And then if the crimes of treason, bribery or other high crimes and misdemeanors are proven, do as Article 2, Section 4 of the United States constitution provides, and remove the president, vice president, and … civil officers of the United States from office."

He continued: "If we attempt to impeach for lying about a blow job, yet accept these almost certain abuses without challenge, we become a cum stain on the flag we wave." [The entire speech is here.]

How's that for effective use of imagery? My seventh-grade public speaking teacher would be so proud. Of course, these remarks are inflammatory and amusing and most definitely need to be written about in this pre-Christmas news slump, but how on earth do you print the word "cum stain" if you're a major news agency catering in large part to red-state readers?

This is Fox News's take on it: "If we attempt to impeach for lying about a [oral sex act], yet accept these almost certain abuses without challenge, we become a [human] stain on the flag we wave."

Nice.

Late-Night Links

Ron Goldman's family takes another stab at suing O.J. Simpson. Har har. [A Socialite's Life]

Kim Cattrall says the Sex and the City movie is back on. [Hollywood Backwash]

Mel Gibson learns he may have a 29-year-old daughter as the result of a one-night stand in the '70s. Much to my chagrin, she's not Jewish. [Defamer]

Britney Spears desperately needs PR representation to help her better craft her lies. [Cele|bitchy]

Joel Madden removes himself from Nicole Richie for long enough to help ex-girlfriend Hilary Duff drop the restraining order against her stalker. [Pop on the Pop]

Lindsay Lohan hopes your Christmas is adequite. [The Gilded Moose]

Pictures of Christina Aguilera trashed out of her head always have an endearing quality to them. Britney ought to take lessons. [Yeeeah!]

Conner Speaks

Miss USA will be keeping her crown and her swanky pad. Among the highlights of the press conference:

She says there are way too many allegations. She had a couple of nights where she drank. No comment on drug issue (YIKES).

Katie Blair "completely innocent" according to Tara (say it isn't so).

She wouldn't say she's an alcoholic, that would be pushing the envelope. "We all have personal demons we have to face." She will be drug tested, per The Donald. He also says "she's not sure if she's an alcoholic, which is never good." Hmm, that seems to be in direct contradiction to her statement. Me thinks after a few more "meetings" with the Miss USA people she'll be admitting she has a "problem."

She will be headed to rehab right about now. If you want more opinion and info check out our brothers at TMZ.

Yeah This is Another Video Post

My apologies to those of you who can't watch YouTube at work. But this is worth reposting. It appears to be a celeb gossip video blog called Twingasm, although I can't find a link to it, and my (admittedly cursory) google searches have been fruitless. If anyone has more info on this, please let me know. I found it on MollyGood. It's lol funny.

Please Tell Me She Goes the Extra Mile Too

Did you know that before all the "bathroom coke lovin'" went down with Miss USA she lived together with Miss Universe and Miss Teen USA in a posh Manhattan apartment? I didn't either, but I when I die I hope I can go there. See the picture of them above? Ladies, I have imported the finest cocaine to my house. Here's a thought, let's pretend it's a sandy beach and have some crazy wild fun before you're all dethroned (see, this is why Beet brought me in, crude sexual jokes that totally emphasize us men are simple creatures at heart).

Anyway, word is slowly coming out that Miss Teen USA Katie Blair was having naughty fun just like her friend Tara Conner. Only this fun must be even more fun because she's not even allowed to legally drink. **Update** Just found out Miss USA was underage too, so no new taboo there.

Beet, please get us some details using your super secret sources. I have access to money if you need help.

Personal aside, my guess is Miss Universe was the "stay at home and knit" type. There's always one in any group.

Screw Y'all, I Still Love Me Some SNL

And even for those who don't you'll laugh at this. JT is bringing funny back too. This here is the full on dirty word version of Saturday Night's triumphant digital short.

Chad Lowe Just Making the Christmas Rounds

You know when you're schlepping your girlfriend to some holiday party at the house of a friend you've only been to once before? And you know which street it's on, and you're pretty sure you'll remember the house, but then you get there and they're all white ranch-styles with long driveways? And so you're like "Fuck, what am I supposed to do now?" And you call your friend for the address but he's not picking up the phone. And your girlfriend's sitting there like "Um, can I just open the bottle of wine we brought as a hostess gift while you sort this one out, Magellan?" And so you're like "It's this one, I'm sure of it," and she's like "Are you really sure? Do you recognize any of those cars out front?" and you're like "Yeah," but that's a lie, but you bravely walk up and knock on the door, and someone says "Come in!" and so you walk in to find a roomful of people you've never seen before in your life and this is clearly not your friend's house and it is incredibly awkward and embarrassing?

Yeah.

So then imagine you're kind of a celebrity (or at least you used to be married to one), and your night goes just like that, and then one of the party guests submits an account of the event to a major L.A. gossip blog, which runs the email verbatim. Because that is totally what just happened to Chad Lowe. Check out the full account on Defamer.

I Am So Glad That Someone Else's Life is Wonderful

Giuliana DePandi has officially stolen my dream and ridden off with it into the sunset.

The E! News host is engaged to Bill Rancic, who won the first season of Donald Trump's Apprentice. The two met in 2004 when she interviewed him after his Apprentice win, but didn't start dating until an interview earlier this year. Giuliana asked Bill during the interview if he was dating anyone. He said no, and asked her out later once the cameras were off.

I would love to attempt to snarkily paraphrase the details of her engagement to him, but since:

1) I am pathetically single.

2) Bill Rancic is hot and smart and charming and rich and

3) Giuliana DePandi totally beat me to the celeb-gossip-reporter-gets-asked-out-by-hot-smart-charming-rich- interviewee-and-they-live-happily-ever-after punch and

4) This sucks and I am bitter

I am just going to pull DiPandi's quote from E! Online:

"At first, I thought Bill was surprising me with a helicopter ride over downtown Chicago to see the Christmas lights. Then, suddenly he pulled out the most beautiful ring I have ever seen and asked me to marry him. I was so excited I could barely speak. When we got back to his house, he had roses and rose petals scattered everywhere and a big chocolate cake sitting next to a bottle of our favorite wine. It was the best night of my life."

Are you done reading that? Because I'm not quite done throwing up. Give me another minute. Here, look at a picture of Leann Rimes with her dogs. That should get you to about where I'm at.

Okay. Done.

My sad, celibate, lonely life aside, thisisreallygreatandiamhappyforher. Okay?

OMFG STOP THE PRESSES!!!!

Justin Guarini has cut his hair. And, for the first time in the history of the world, the mere sight of him doesn't make me want to vomit all over myself. Apparently he's filming a movie and doing annoying interviews and stuff, all of which still brings on the up-chucks. However, the hair? Is okay with me now. He doesn't look half bad. So, JGuars, you've won this one. This brings the current score in the Justin Guarini Sucks War to JGuars, 1, Evil Beet staff, 57. At least it won't be a shut-out.

Early Evening Links

Martha Stewart's found an "Apprentice" that fits in just right. [A Socialite's Life]

Christina Aguilera's hubby, Fugly McMusicProducer, was spotted partying solo and ringless. Trouble in paradise? [Gabsmash]

Paris Hilton lies about her sex life. [The Blemish]

Shanna Moakler is just glad to see another Miss USA labeled as a drunken slut. Although, in fairness, Shanna was never accused of making out with teenage girls. [TMZ]

Nicole Richie goes grocery shopping. Hopefully for some freaking Midol. [MollyGood]

Words Escape Me

What's it been, like four hours without Lohan news? Thankfully our wait is over, we can all breathe easy now that our girl has bruises on her thighs. Wait, back up, let me explain.

Page Six is reporting:

LINDSAY Lohan is suffering for her art - that is, suffering bruises from dancing on a stripper's pole to prepare for her role as a topless dancer in her new movie, "I Know Who Killed Me."

Want more? They evidently have an email she sent to her friends where she wrote:

"They're all whores, they're all whores (strippers) . . . xcept for some obviously!" Lohan wrote in the note, "So . . . 3 hours of pole dancing and bruised. everywhere . . . I mean we're talkin' like, UPPER AND INNER THIGH ACTION-bruised . . . like a walking black-and-blue mark."

The one thing I want to know here is what jerk-off friend turned this email over to page six?

First Annual Gossip Blogger's Choice Awards

Spicy Pants over at Celebrity Smack decided to poll some of the coolest gossip bloggers around to get their opinions on the gossip world this past year. She was kind enough to include Evil Beet in the bloggers she talked to, and we were more than happy to share our opinion (we are always happy to share our opinion). Head on over there to see what everyone else had to say!

Britney Spears vs. The Lakers Crowd

Britney Spears has lost the home-court advantage in the battle for her reputation. Brit, whose face somehow gained 20 pounds this weekend, showed up to see the Lakers take on the Wizards last night with kid sister Jamie Lynn. When they showed her on the Jumbotron, the Los Angeles crowd actually started booing. Britney has not been winning supporters in L.A. -- or anywhere else for that matter. She has learned to wear underwear these days -- although she sometimes forgets to put an outfit over it -- but it doesn't look like her adopted hometown is willing to forgive her original lapse of judgment. Or her second one. Or her third one.

As if this weren't enough, the Jumbotron later focused on a K-Fed lookalike, prompting cheers from the audience. Britney left the game before half-time, visibly upset about the incident. Even more distressing, the Lakers lost in overtime.

We Love Edward Norton

I don't have a link because I just saw it on a tiny local news channel called CNN but Edward Norton has come out against the award show swag. For those not in the know, anyone who attends any award show such as say, The Oscars, gets a giant bag of expensive goodies. Actually, the Oscars are the worst offenders because they consider themselves the biggest and baddest award show on the planet. I have no idea what you'd get if you headed out to the "People's Choice Awards," but I'd assume it would be something like a combo flashlight keychain.

Anyway, Oscar gives hella goodies. What kind of goodies you ask? Well, offhand a google search popped up this article which has a quote from The Chicago Sun-Times:

The Chicago Sun-Times is reporting that the gift bags have an estimated value of $100,000.

Basically we're talking the latest and greatest in tech gear and unattainable items for the general public. So you're out there saying "Well, why do rich Hollywood types need free shit?" Exactly my friend; Edward Norton is on the case. He correctly notes a lot of people are in need that don't make big bucks from entertainment. Perhaps we should hook them up, eh?

That's reason number #42 we love him so much, right after the fact that his character in Fight Club wants to fight William Shatner.

Judith Regan Does Her Best Mel Gibson

Judith Regan, the would-be publisher of O.J. Simpson's debut foray into literary fiction, If I Did It, was fired by publisher HarperCollins after she reportedly made anti-Semitic comments in a conversation with a company lawyer. The details are still murky, but Gawker's on the case, as this is, like, totally their equivalent of a Britney Spears crotch shot. Stay tuned.

Sad Ass Acoustic

Okay, Admittedly Monday morning is not the ideal time to take it down a notch, but this is a hauntingly beautiful song by Damien Rice. Lisa Hannigan and Damien take over Jay Leno's show for a few minutes and we're all a little more introspective for the moment. I'm only throwing this out because EvilT will probably give you an official Monday Morning Music effort and after JT and The Silversun Pickups this weekend you owe me one.

Beet, if you want to murder me I stand at the ready.

Wanna Buy Someone Vince Gallo for Hannukah?

Here is a gift idea ladies and gentlemen...buy a night with manwhore Vincent Gallo for that "hard to buy for" person on your Hannukah/Christmas list.

Who is Vincent Gallo you ask? He was in a bunch of films that a lot of people I guess enjoy since he is sort of "famous" but the one that has given him notoriety is "Brown Bunny." I have to admit that I have seen "Brown Bunny," the "art house/porn film" starring both Gallo and weirdo Chloe Sevigny. In the film there is an infamous oral sex scene which was a bit shocking because Vincent Gallo has used the movie as a general penis advertisement since then. It is full frontal and evidently the real deal. (ie- yes folks, she swallows) Piggybacking on the success of his penis on film, Vincent Gallo as offered to let women buy the use of his man meat in real life. First he offered himself up for $50,000 and though nobody thought that was a great deal he has upped it to $100,000 plus travel, food, lube, etc... This quote really makes me want to throw up in my mouth,

“Heavy-set, older red-heads and even black chicks can have me if they can pay the bill. No real female will be refused. However, I highly frown upon any male having even the slightest momentary thought or wish that they could ever become my client. No way, José.”

Awesome. Way to be politically correct Vincent. Anyway, I'm not sure how to contact him to take him up on his offer but he isn't a small man so I guess for someone he will "rock your world." You have to get over that paying for sex thing but guys do it all the time...right?

Cleaning up the Weekend

Britney can't figure out how to get her car to start and has to ask the paparazzi for help. [X17]

Mary-Kate Olsen's body is now so malnourished it is unable to sustain the pigmentation in her hair. [Perez Hilton]

Matt Damon thinks the Bush twins ought to serve in Iraq. He and fellow four-star general Robert DeNiro were discussing the war for a segment of Hardball. [Glitterati]

Congratulations to Jillian Barberie! The Good Day LA host is expecting a baby. [Tabloid Whore]

Where has Jennifer Lopez been the past year? Well, aside from her inexplicable attendance at Tom Cruise's wedding, she's also been working on a Spanish-language album to be released early next year. Check out a sneak peak of the first single, "Que Hiciste." [Just Jared]

Music producer J.R. Rotem, 31, fresh off his fling with Britney Spears, shows up at Koi holding hands with Hayden Panettiere, 17. [Dirty Laundry]

There Is No Other Important Aspect to This Story Other Than the Fact That Natasha Lyonne Threatened to Sexually Molest a Dog

...but, if you care, she turned herself into a NY court on Friday, for the aforementioned threats of sexual molestation issued toward a dog.

There's a stint in rehab there, and some previous missed court appearances, blah blah blah, but am I the only one who's noticed that none of that matters? Because this is the most hilarious court case in the history of the world (seriously, I ran a LexisNexis search, and this is it).

The complaint was originally filed by Lyonne's former roommate, who claimed that Natasha trashed their apartment, then banged on a neighbor's door, rushed into the apartment and picked up the neighbor's dog, speaking the words: "I'm going to sexually molest your dog."

Oh my God this makes my head spin. So many unanswered questions!

Why is this complaint being filed by her roommate, and not the owner of the nearly violated canine? What did Natasha have against the neighbor? Or the roommate? Or the dog?

Does Natasha Lyonne often have sex with dogs?

What on earth set in motion a series of events that would lead a person to speak, in earnest, the words "I am going to sexually molest your dog"?

I know, I know.

Drugs.

Still. Funny shit.

Way to work that ninth step, 'Tash. Keep coming back. Just leave the dogs alone.

Hells Yeah! Dirt on Miss USA!

Woo hoo! It was only a matter of time -- the details are beginning to come out about Miss USA's fall from grace. The New York Post (filed under News, not Page Six), reports that Conner has been evicted from her Trump Place apartment in NYC (and they've nicknamed her "Mess USA," and at first I rolled my eyes, but, on second thought, good job).

Says a doorman at her former home: "She does not live here anymore. She is not allowed anywhere on Trump property. She is certainly not allowed to come back. I don't think it was her choice, really." Conner has returned to her hometown in Kentucky.

So on to the dirt!

The Post, probably fueled on sheer fury that TMZ scooped them on the story that the first runner-up had been told she'd be getting the crown, did some hard-core digging. And it's bad. And -- oh! -- it's ever so good.

According to one source, "she has a really bad drug problem. Everyone at Miss USA hated her. She slept with Travis Barker and she sleeps with all the club promoters."

Ick! She slept with Travis Barker?! I thought we left disgusting work like that to Paris Hilton.

The Post also reports that Conner has been "linked romantically to two of the owners of the club Stereo, MTV veejay Damien Fahey, American Idol host Ryan Seacrest, and DJ AM's assistant."

Let's reflect. The owners of Stereo, okay. Fine. Ryan Seacrest? Is gay. So no. And DJ AM's assistant? Are you kidding? DJ AM has an assistant? To do what? Carry around barf bags for Nicole Richie? Hm.

Talk of Conner's drug problem continues with comments from another "friend": "She was latching onto a crew of promoters because she had no other friends and she was using them for drugs. She started utilizing hip New York City people in the night-life scene to feed her addictions. I cut her off when she started leeching off all the other people I introduced her to."

Why, dear? Because then there was less blow for you? I hate it when that happens. I cut off prettier girls, too, because people always give them their drugs first.

The Post also found not one but two sources who claim Tara liked to get it on in club bathrooms. "She always went the extra mile," is the quote they chose to print.

There's also the typical dirt on how these problems are "deep-rooted," how Tara was never particularly invested in winning the Miss USA crown, and a random comparison to Lindsay Lohan.

Expect an announcement from the Trump organization on Tuesday.

Leona Lewis Wins X Factor

Shocking exactly no one, Londoner Leona Lewis won X Factor tonight. X Factor is kind of like the British American Idol (which is strange, because AmIdol was based on the British Pop Idol, so I'm not really sure how this show came about, but they've still got Simon Cowell there, along with fellow judges Sharon Osbourne and some small old guy who reminds me of that little gay man who was Karen Walker's nemesis on Will and Grace). Anyway, Leona's been a stand-out in the U.K. since the start of the competition, but her profile has been relatively huge in the U.S. thanks in large part to Perez Hilton, who raves about her almost daily on his website.

Her first single in the U.K. will be "A Moment Like This" (yeah, that's right, the same song Kelly Clarkson used as her first single...cute, guys). But, I've gotta hand it to her, as much as I love me some Kelly Clarkson, this is the first time I've been able to listen to this song without rolling my eyes. Her voice is so incredible you kind of forget that the lyrics sound like you wrote them in sixth-grade English after the seventh-grade football star smiled at you in the hall. I've linked that video here, but I'll hand you over to Perez for some others.

Angelina on Good Morning America

Check out the footage from her Diane Sawyer interview. Argh. I hate that she's so completely likable now. I have to hand it to her, she's really done a good job of turning this whole "evil homewrecking slut" thing into "look at me I wear cream and adopt African orphans and raise them in a stable home and speak about it eloquently while wearing flattering and age-appropriate eye make-up."

Well played, Angie. Well played.

I also like her reference to "sliding doors," which was, you'll recall, the title of a film starring Brad's former fiancee, Gwen Paltrow. A Freudian slip, mayhaps?

Silversun Pickups

You know that good feeling when:

a) Your parents are away (presumably antiquing)
b) You've got the cartoon network on
c) Your feet are propped up on your pleather sofa

and

d) You've got about a pound of blow just waiting for you in the den...

That's an all right time, yeah? Well, that's early morning Saturday EvilBeet folks! It's like the Giant Pandas have mated for the year and we're in relax mode. In that same vein take a listen to a new song I'm imbibing by the Silversun Pickups.

Warning: If you are the short attention span type please note this song builds throughout; it's not your standard lyrics/refrain style of joint. So you have to wait until like two minutes in to start dancing around your living room.

But hurry, I think the 'rents might be headed home, exhausted from ottomans.