While You Were Sleeping: The Edition Where Patrick Dempsey Grabs Your Ass While His Wife's Not Looking

WAKE THE FUCK UP, LOS ANGELES!

Omigod you guys so much has happened since COB yesterday. So pop a couple Tylenol, get that Visine in, and have your morning beer so we can get started.

• Tragic news! Patrick Dempsey's wife had another one of his kids, making you even more of a naughty homewrecking slut when he shows up in your sexual fantasies. Hm. Maybe not so tragic.






• Madonna wants Russia to send her to outer space in 2008. They say no, but they'll consider it for 2009. There's a Lance Bass joke in here, but I can't find it. I'm open to suggestions.




• Orlando Bloom buys his very first computer. The fact that this coincides with his break-up with long-term girlfriend/stick figure Kate Bosworth strikes me as interesting. First person to find his Match.com profile gets a hug.




• 24-year-old rocker Ryan Cabrera is dating Elvis Presley's granddaughter, barely-17-year-old Riley Keough.




• Tori Spelling's first husband reveals the obvious: even her own family thinks she's a spoiled, crazy bitch.