Monday, September 11, 2006

I Can't Stay Mad at You, John Mayer

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This has been an eat-my-hat sort of week for me. First, much to my chagrin, the oft-maligned-and-usually-by-me Brad Pitt did something awesome. Now, John Mayer, who I consistently find to be pedantic, cocky, self-centered, obnoxious and off-the-fucking-charts sexy and brilliant (grrr!) gives a pedantic, cocky, self-centered, obnoxious and off-the-fucking-charts sexy and brilliant interview to Rolling Stone (grrr!). Some highlights:

On Brangelina: “Everyone thinks Brad Pitt has it great because he married Angelina Jolie. I think he has it terrible, because when Angelina Jolie is giving you a blow job, what do you tip your head back and think of to help you finish? You have nothing left – just Jesus on a polar bear in the middle of the snow saying, ‘You greedy motherfucker, I’ve got nothing for you.’”

On being on tour: “I slept with, like, three girls a week.”

On his cock: “I’m not worried about how small my penis is – I’m worried about how dark it is. I have a Dominican penis. My penis hit six home runs last year; my penis wears shoes without socks.”

He also has some manner of album coming out. It will, most likely, be pedantic, cocky, self-centered, obnoxious and off-the-fucking-charts sexy and brilliant (grrr!).

Update: I forgot to mention that John Mayer had one little lapse of brilliance here; Brad Pitt is not married to Angelina Jolie. They are merely living in sin. They will get married when, and only when, you can marry your hot 13-year-old niece.

Streisand_Disciple said...

You wanna feel a little better about hating Brad again? He obviously has no concept that gay marriage is presently (and likely permanently, barring a ill-conceived amendment) a states' rights issue, meaning that there isn't, nor will there likely be in our lifetime a uniform approach to gay marriage. Technically, any person in this country can already get married to whomever they want by moving to Massachusetts. So it remains a thinly veiled excuse to avoid permanently hitching his wagon to AJ's crazy star.

Brian said...

It's pretty funny to me how discordant John Mayer's smack is with his annoyingly hushed, schmaltzy music (though on second thought, the music *is* deftly designed to keep that three-groupies-a-week hobby on track).

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