This has been an eat-my-hat sort of week for me. First, much to my chagrin, the oft-maligned-and-usually-by-me Brad Pitt did something awesome. Now, John Mayer, who I consistently find to be pedantic, cocky, self-centered, obnoxious and off-the-fucking-charts sexy and brilliant (grrr!) gives a pedantic, cocky, self-centered, obnoxious and off-the-fucking-charts sexy and brilliant interview to Rolling Stone (grrr!). Some highlights:
On Brangelina: “Everyone thinks Brad Pitt has it great because he married Angelina Jolie. I think he has it terrible, because when Angelina Jolie is giving you a blow job, what do you tip your head back and think of to help you finish? You have nothing left – just Jesus on a polar bear in the middle of the snow saying, ‘You greedy motherfucker, I’ve got nothing for you.’”
On being on tour: “I slept with, like, three girls a week.”
On his cock: “I’m not worried about how small my penis is – I’m worried about how dark it is. I have a Dominican penis. My penis hit six home runs last year; my penis wears shoes without socks.”
He also has some manner of album coming out. It will, most likely, be pedantic, cocky, self-centered, obnoxious and off-the-fucking-charts sexy and brilliant (grrr!).
Update: I forgot to mention that John Mayer had one little lapse of brilliance here; Brad Pitt is not married to Angelina Jolie. They are merely living in sin. They will get married when, and only when, you can marry your hot 13-year-old niece.