Picking up the Pieces

For the record, Abbie Cornish claims she and Ryan Phillippe are "friends and that's it." [Just Jared]

In a last-ditch effort to make something good come of Elizabethtown, Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst are now officially dating. [A Socialite's Life]

Nicole Richie fires celeb stylist Rachel Zoe, possibly because she's the only person on the planet who makes Richie look obese in comparison. [Perez Hilton]

Kate Moss's fiance, Pete Doherty, is arrested for possession of crack cocaine. [Cele|Bitchy]

Carmen Electra is old now, too. And bless the girls at Dirty Laundry, who always link to the full-size photos of celebs, so you can check out every little zit and wrinkle on her aging little face. [Dirty Laundry]

While You Were Sleeping: The Edition Where Patrick Dempsey Grabs Your Ass While His Wife's Not Looking

WAKE THE FUCK UP, LOS ANGELES!

Omigod you guys so much has happened since COB yesterday. So pop a couple Tylenol, get that Visine in, and have your morning beer so we can get started.

• Tragic news! Patrick Dempsey's wife had another one of his kids, making you even more of a naughty homewrecking slut when he shows up in your sexual fantasies. Hm. Maybe not so tragic.






• Madonna wants Russia to send her to outer space in 2008. They say no, but they'll consider it for 2009. There's a Lance Bass joke in here, but I can't find it. I'm open to suggestions.




• Orlando Bloom buys his very first computer. The fact that this coincides with his break-up with long-term girlfriend/stick figure Kate Bosworth strikes me as interesting. First person to find his Match.com profile gets a hug.




• 24-year-old rocker Ryan Cabrera is dating Elvis Presley's granddaughter, barely-17-year-old Riley Keough.




• Tori Spelling's first husband reveals the obvious: even her own family thinks she's a spoiled, crazy bitch.

Picking up the Pieces: Things that Happened to People Other Than Lindsay Lohan Today

• Orlando Bloom decides he can't see Kate Bosworth anymore. No, really, he can't actually see her anymore.
• It's official: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes found a baby to adopt! Katie Couric kicked off her CBS career with the pics. From the looks of the kid, some 15-year-old prostitute in Cambodia is a real big fan of Scientology these days.
• It's not that Victoria Beckham is pregnant, it's just that her husband doesn't speak Spanish.
• When a lot of rich people have invested a lot of money in you, you don't have to go to jail for petty things like using heroin and selling cocaine to teenagers in rehab. Isn't that right, Pete Doherty?
• Jessica Simpson denies she's dating John Mayer on the View today. So if we could just get a moratorium on all "Is Jessica Simpson's Body a Wonderland?" headlines for awhile, that'd be great, mmkay?