Weekend Update: Black People Can't Swim Edition

• Americans nationwide unite for the single purpose of helping CBS generate buzz for its upcoming season of Survivor: Racism, and the ever-observant Rush Limbaugh just wants to do his part to help. From E! Online: Hispanics, he said, "have shown a remarkable ability to cross borders" and "will do things other people won't do." Asians, per Limbaugh, are "the best at espionage, keeping secrets." Blacks "lack buoyancy" and are "more likely to drown," while the white man's burden will weigh down the last team with "guilt over the fact that they run things." I hope someone has thought to award this man an honorary Ph.D.
• Douglas L. Hall has written a script for Angelina Jolie. Would you like to read it? Now you can, at www.myscriptforangelinajolie.com.
• Jesse McCartney would like to take back what he said about Jennifer Lopez. If only he could do the same thing for the entirety of Summerland.
• Check out this video of two Chinese students lip-syncing to Jessica Simpson's "A Public Affair." Pay special attention to the motionless kid in the background who quietly plays a first-person shooter game on his computer while his roommates sing their hearts out. Thanks to Anna for the link.