Early Evening Links

The National Enquirer thinks Anna Nicole's underlying cause of death was pneumonia. And if it ran in the National Enquirer, it must be true. [Celebslam]

I knew this world was missing something. I thought it was, like, a cure for AIDS and cancer, or peace, or even potable water, but it turns out it was just a hip-shakin' Beyonce/Shakira duet. Phew. [POTP]

Oh hells yes. A new Star Trek movie in the works! [Pajiba]

Carmen Electra's next big career move is as a magician's assistant in Las Vegas, where maybe she can make another marriage disappear. [popbytes]

Katherine Heigl isn't leaving Grey's Anatomy anytime soon, although they do hate her quite a bit around there. [ICYDK]

Jennifer Love Hewitt has very lovely breasts. [Egotastic]

Photos from Vanity Fair's Oscar Party

More here.

Late-Night Links

Project Runway winner Jeffrey Sebelia is broke -- and designing clothes for the Bratz movie. Which is still, I suppose, a step above going on the Surreal Life and sleeping with a former child star who's twice your age and half your height. Isn't that right, Adrianne Curry? [A Socialite's Life]

Seriously? OMG! WTF? has moved. Update your bookmarks, kids! [SOW]

Britney Spears could never hang on American Idol. [IDLYITW]

Justin Timberlake weighs in on Britney and her (non-)hair. [GTS]

Jessica Biel and Hayden Panettiere walk their dogs in L.A. this weekend. I'm just happy whenever Hayden is not in the same city as Paris Hilton. Leave her alone, Paris! [Ninja Dude]

Cameron Diaz gets wasted in Vegas. [Allie Is Wired]

Christina Aguilera and Beyonce at Jay-Z's birthday party. [INO]

Kelly Osbourne breaks down at an HIV benefit concert and states that one of her family members is HIV positive. Start up the office pools, kids. [Celeb Slam]

Meredith Grey may currently be the Schrodinger's Cat of network television, but Ellen Pompeo is alive and well and attending the NBA all-star game. [ICYDK]

Lily Allen is always good for a pull quote or twelve. [Bree]

Late-Night Links

Heather Mills kicks the paparazzi's ass. Literally. [Ninja Dude]

David Arquette likes watching his wife make out with Jen Aniston. How is this news? [Glitterati]

Beyonce photo gallery. [Film.com]

In college, my friends and I used to play the Movie Title Game. One person comes up with a ridiculous scenario and/or ridiculous pairings of actors, and the other contestants determine the appropriately hilarious title for said film. David Spade is a grocery bagger at Ralph's? Paper or Spastic? Get it? Okay. So Mark-Paul Gosselaar is a hot-shot lawyer who decides to become an L.A. public defender. His partner? Janeane Garofalo. Go. [Pajiba]

Beyonce does the cover of Sports Illustrated. [Egotastic]

Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy got matching hair cuts, which is totally creepier than his new movie is going to be. [A Socialite's Life]

The set of Grey's Anatomy has returned to normal. They're getting into fistfights again. [Cele|bitchy]

American Idol claims another marriage. [PhillyBurbs]

Beyonce Sports Sultry

JustJared knows something I didn't. Beyonce has made the cover of Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit issue. Take that J-HUD!

She may play second fiddle at the movies and she might be dating a guy who lies about retirement but she's still got a fairly smokin' bod. And here in cyberspace that's still worth something.

Also, fellas, it might be fun to leave this issue out to make your mate feel inadequate. It's the only real way to get back at your mother for years of neglect.

*Photo courtesy of JustJared

Beyonce's Dad Goes There...

Beyonce didn't win Best Actress at "The Golden Globes" because her crazy daddy thinks the Golden Globes voters are "racist." I could accept that except Jennifer Hudson, Eddie Murphy, Prince, and Forest Whitaker won their awards and last time I checked...they were all black. Beyonce wasn't that good to be perfectly honest. She looked pretty and sang her songs well but she really wasn't Golden Globe or Oscar worthy. The "Best Actress" award is given to an actress that is the best...not the most overly hyped.

I understand Beyonce is a star but that doesn't mean that she should beat Meryl Streep. Not understanding this, her dad make this awesome and stupid comment.

"Today is MLK's birthday and it saddens me to say that things have not changed for blacks. Working class blacks and blacks in Hollywood are still being discriminated against. We still have a long way to go."

I would give that to you, Matthew, except you don't really have the best history when it comes to Beyonce and "Dreamgirls." From the beginning he has been sassy about his daughter getting top billing and according to TMZ,

"After an early screening, both Matthew and B's mom (Tina) flipped over Hudson's screen time, arguing with writer/director Bill Condon that the flick needed to be re cut and include more B and less J -- Condon refused."

[Source]
Thanks MollyGood.

Cleaning up the Weekend

After almost days of searching, the paparazzi catch Nicole Richie and Joel Madden together. Take that, Hilary Duff. Now you're left all alone with your hyper-successful, talent-driven career and your consistently positive media image. They sure showed you. [X17]

Paris. Miami. Stavros. [Hollyscoop]

With Paris Hilton safely on another coast, Lindsay Lohan appears to have put together several days of sobriety. Rock on. [Page Six]

Ellen Pompeo thinks she would look really good if she could just manage to put on five or ten more pounds. I think Ellen Pompeo would look really good with a black eye and a few broken ribs. [A Socialite's Life]

Pics of the Jolie-Pitts, sans Shiloh, in NYC. [Mollygood]

Beyonce's not the only one pissed that Jennifer Hudson got the role of Effie in Dreamgirls. But at least Fantasia Barrino will cop to it. [Snarky Gossip]

Beyonce is Being a Bit Diva-licious

Beyonce is trying to act like she doesn't care that Jennifer Hudson is totally getting the better reviews for "Dreamgirls" but she isn't doing a very good job at it. At her film premiere last night she posed for pictures and then abruptly left to hop a plane for her boyfriend JZ's birthday party. I guess she was too much of a diva to actually sit through the movie with the rest of the cast.


Here are some quotes from miss Beyonce regarding the buzz around the film...

"I'm already a star. I already have nine Grammys. Everyone knows I can sing. I did [Dreamgirls] because I wanted people to know that I can act and I can play someone so different from myself."

“I knew that the character that I played wasn’t the star … I’m already a star. I already have nine Grammys. Everyone knows I can sing. I wish I could have gained 20 pounds and played Effie.”

Uh, huh you are just trying to make yourself feel better because...

1) You were supposed to get the Oscar nod for your performance but it is Jennifer Hudson's performance that, according to New York Times reporter David Carr, "seals the show."

2) Her Majesty Oprah actually called Jennifer personally to let her know that she had a "transcendent performance." Oprah just doesn't call everybody personally.

3) Jennifer gets the good songs in the movie including the show stopping "You're Gonna Love Me." Which is shockingly good. Nobody has said much about your voice.

4) All the press in the world isn't going to make people stop about talking about Jennifer Hudson. Oh ya, and you starved yourself to do this movie and she is a full figured beauty who has stolen your star.

I'm so excited to see this movie I can't even explain.

"Dreamgirls" opens December 15th in (NY/LA) and on Christmas Day everywhere else. Go see it!

Late-Night Links

The long-awaited video (seriously, it took a whole day -- that's like a lifetime in the blogosphere) of Jessica Simpson running off-stage at the Kennedy Center Awards has at last arrived. [MollyGood]

Reverend Jesse Jackson is urging the public to boycott Seinfeld DVDs after star Michael Richards' much-publicized racist rant reportedly prompted a spike in DVD sales for the show. My guess is the thought process surrounding most of these purchases went more along the lines of "Oh, hey, I forgot about Kramer. Man, Seinfeld sure was funny. Those DVDs would make a great Christmas gift," and less along the lines of "You mean that Kramer guy's a racist? Oh, now I'll buy the DVDs." A Jason Alexander crotch shot probably would have had a similar impact. But whatever. [CelebSlam]

Beyonce Knowles and Jennifer Hudson are supposedly having some manner of non-feud regarding who upstaged whom in Dreamgirls. I'm not sure if I believe it less than I care, or vice versa. [TMZ]

Porn star Kendra Jade knows words like "disheartened," "inevitable," and "salacious." That or her publicist does. Either way, she didn't sleep with K-Fed. She has standards. [JordanIsYourHomeboy]

Sandra Bullock is either pregnant or she isn't. [Celebrity Smack]

Picking up the Pieces

Things that happened today without any involvement on the part of Britney Spears' vagina:

American Idol fourth-placer Chris Daughtrey's album debuts at #2 on the U.S. charts. [Perez Hilton]

Check out Beyonce's new video for "Listen," from the Dreamgirls soundtrack. [popbytes]

Kevin Federline has a thing for women who like the whole world to see their naughty bits. Isn't that right, Kendra Jade? [Pop on the Pop]

Josh Hartnett's mystery girl revealed: she's Amber Sainsbury, who did some show called Hex for 11 episodes in 2004 and is currently co-starring with Hartnett in 30 Days of Night. Also: she's not as pretty as Josh, which is how I reckon he prefers it. [BWE]

Nick Lachey bought a minor-league baseball team this week. What did you do? [ICYDK]

Matt Lauer named his newborn son Thijs. Pronounced "Tice." I am supposed to say something mean here (preferably referencing the unfortunately named Paltrow offspring) but I have a fabulous friend at school named Tejs (pronounced similarly), so out of respect for the fact that he did my finance homework all quarter, I just have this to say: Way to name a kid, Lauer! [Cele|Bitchy]

Stupid Headlines 101

This just makes me mad. The headline reads "Beyonce Enjoyed Working on Dreamgirls." Really? No joke? It wasn't hell on Earth? Director Bill Condon never once tried to rape her?

I could see if this was coming from some lam-o source like E! but this is AP syndicating to YahooNews. This is the best you can do? Also, FYI Beyonce would like to do more movies. You heard it here second.

Gobble Up These Links (ha ha HA!)

Today in tasteful: unearthed 1986 footage of Michael Richards in blackface. [The Bosh]

When Prison Break first aired, I gave it three hours of my life that I will never get back, then gave up. But Wentworth Miller is still way hot, so check out this interview with him. [Gossip or Truth, more]

If you're anything like the rest of the country, you've been waiting ever so anxiously to hear what a recently divorced Juliette Lewis thinks about former boyfriend Brad Pitt. Thanks goodness she's finally weighed in. [Agent Bedhead]

The Beyonce/Jay-Z shelf life is nearing its end. Maybe they can time the break-up to coincide with the opening of Dreamgirls. Wouldn't that be nice? [Rhymes with Snitch]

Stylist Rachel Zoe claims Nicole Richie fired her after she "voiced concerns ... about her lifestyle." [PopSugar]

When asked about Hilary Swank, Chad Lowe takes the high road. No pun intended. [celebrity nation]

And just for the hell of it, really cute pics of Gwen Stefani, Gavin Rossdale and their adorable little critter out shopping. [Dirty Laundry]

Jay-Z Leaps Towards Mediocre

I have to say I loved Jay-Z a few years back. Before Beyonce, when he was sampling musicals I thought he was at least a litte bit of what the kids call "dope."

Sadly he's now very annoying. You can't shake a stick without hearing him talk about coming out of retirement. If you're going to retire when you're in your twenties you better damn well wait a decade to "come back." And why the hell would a rapper even bother retiring anyway? Just stop putting out albums man, we'll get it. It's not like your knees are shot or you need medicare you jerk off.

Even better, he was on Monday Night Football this past week. Wait for the relevance to come to you. Oh wait, there is none. None whatsoever. He's from Brooklyn so they tried to tread water with the "So, ah, how about them Giants" line but as it turns out he's a Cowboys fan. I mean gimme a break over here.

Slate.com did me one better though calling the new album his worst ever. He's been sliding downhill for quite some time, and honestly if I was knocking boots with Beyonce I'd mail in my "art" too.

(Spiteful Lars slams mike down, once again winning the rap-battle)

I Link We're Alone Now

Rachel Weisz says it's okay to drink while you're pregnant. "Amen to that," says Lindsay Lohan's mom. [Cele|Bitchy]

If there is, in fact, a way to get America to a film version of Sweeney Todd, it's probably Borat. [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]

Shocker of shockers. Justin Timberlake is out and about, being a self-absorbed ass. [Girls Talkin' Smack, Pop on the Pop]

Oprah and her couch are not invited to the TomKat wedding. [Bossip]

If Paris and Nicole can be BFF again, perhaps there's hope for Britney and Madonna? [The Bosh]

You should return that bulk purchase of lube to Costco, guys. There won't be an Eva Longoria/Beyonce lesbo flick afterall. [Junkiness]

Michelle Trachtenberg and DJ AM? In my mind, this is the definitive answer to "Which B-list celebs do you care about the absolute least?" But apparently they're also banging. [A Socialite's Life]

I Link, Therefore I Am

Tobey Maguire and girlfriend, Irrelevant McNotfamous, welcome a baby girl. [Hollyscoop]

Joley Richardson quits Nip/Tuck. She's hoping to be cast in a show with more plausible plotlines, possibly something involving giant, mutant, hermaphoditic aphids who eat Koreans and occasionally find themselves in awkward love triangles including the wife of their college roommate. [HGW]

Beyonce and Eva Longoria will be getting all lesbo on the big screen. Where will you be, Paul Reuebens? [Bossip]

Someone asked me the other day how Kate Moss is still so employable, even after the whole cocaine scandal. This is a link to a black-and-white video of Kate Moss, wearing lingerie and saying quiet, mysterious things. More of you will click on this link than any other in this group, probably by a factor of three. And that, my friends, is how Kate Moss is still so employable, even after the whole cocaine scandal. [Agent Bedhead]

In a shocking twist to the Kevin Federline saga, he demands Grey Goose in his dressing room. Check out the rest of the hospitality rider. [CelebSlam]

If Brad Pitt smokes, it must be cool. [Teddy and Moo]

Actor Jack Palance dies. [Hollyweird Gazette]

Wrapping up the Weekend: The Mess of Jess

• Eva Longoria and Tony Parker split, Amanda Peet makes that baby legit.


• Jessica Simpson has reached that really unattractive point of depression-induced apathy. It's a beautiful thing to behold.


• Drunk much, Beyonce?


• Pamela Anderson's nipple has Hep C.
  

Beyonce on the VMAs

Here's that "Ring the Alarm" performance I was talking about. God bless YouTube.

It's kind of hard to see for the first 45 seconds or so, then it clears up.

Beyonce Don't Need No MENTOR, Beyotch!

Goddamn Beyonce just rocked the fuck out at the VMAs. In a sea of mediocre performances (I mean what the hell was that, Justin?), she demonstrated unequivocally why her albums go multi-platinum and Rihanna's are stalling out around gold with a commanding performance of her anthemic stay-the-fuck-off-my-man's-cock-you-whore single, "Ring the Alarm."

Rihanna will not be sleeping well tonight. Neither, for that matter, will her "mentor," Jay-Z.

Hot damn, you go girl. Thank you for that.

Odds and Ends: Nope, Still Nothing Here about Suri Cruise's Poop

• I haven't posted about Donald Faison and Cacee Cobb in at least two days. So you'll all be relieved to know that they showed up together to TV Guide's Post-Emmy bash at Social Hollywood. I think it's time to stop speculating and start coping. They're a couple.


• Gwen Stefani is boycotting the VMAs because she tries really hard to sing good and dance sexy but she just really feels like they're being nicer to Kelly Clarkson and sometimes she feels picked on like they just really don't care if they hurt her feelings and it's just not faaaaiiiir.


• Yes, okay, here's the Beyonce nip slip. Are you happy? Now leave me to wallow in the sad, Beyonce-nip-slip-posting life I've created for myself. I wanted to write literary fiction once, you know.

• La Lohan's pop would like the opportunity to expound on his prison art.
• Recently divorced Hilary Swank is dating her not-quite-yet-divorced agent at CAA. Will she never get involved with someone famous?
• JT and Cameron in splitsville? Perez Hilton thinks mayhaps.
• I am not writing about or linking to anything regarding Suri Cruise's fecal matter, be it bronzed or otherwise. I'm just not. Sorry to disappoint.