It's Official: Christina Aguilera Either Is or Is Not Pregnant

Not that anyone asked for my opinion, but, based on this picture, I think this girl has several healthy toddlers living in her breasts. And when they're done using the space, several adult men plan to rent it for polo matches. In her tummy, though? I've got no idea. Neither does anyone else.

Christina Aguilera is not pregnant, the singer’s rep tells Usmagazine.com.

The statement was issued in response to magazine and newspaper reports published Wednesday claiming that the 26-year-old is expecting a child.

“It’s all made up,” the rep tells Us.

An employee at the Beverly Hills kids boutique Bellini told the New York Daily News that Aguilera and her husband of more than a year, Jordan Bratman, went on a $3,000 shopping spree at the store on Saturday where she confided that she’s having a baby.

"They seemed really excited,” a worker at the boutique told the Daily News.

“She was talking to [another customer] and she said she took a home pregnancy test and that it was positive. She kept saying they'd have to come back when they knew the sex of the baby.”

However, Xtina’s rep says that the employee needs to get her eyes checked because the singer was 50,000 feet in the air at the time of the supposed sighting.

“She was not at Bellini. She was on a plane to Las Vegas for the NBA appearance.”

[source]

Late-Night Links

Project Runway winner Jeffrey Sebelia is broke -- and designing clothes for the Bratz movie. Which is still, I suppose, a step above going on the Surreal Life and sleeping with a former child star who's twice your age and half your height. Isn't that right, Adrianne Curry? [A Socialite's Life]

Seriously? OMG! WTF? has moved. Update your bookmarks, kids! [SOW]

Britney Spears could never hang on American Idol. [IDLYITW]

Justin Timberlake weighs in on Britney and her (non-)hair. [GTS]

Jessica Biel and Hayden Panettiere walk their dogs in L.A. this weekend. I'm just happy whenever Hayden is not in the same city as Paris Hilton. Leave her alone, Paris! [Ninja Dude]

Cameron Diaz gets wasted in Vegas. [Allie Is Wired]

Christina Aguilera and Beyonce at Jay-Z's birthday party. [INO]

Kelly Osbourne breaks down at an HIV benefit concert and states that one of her family members is HIV positive. Start up the office pools, kids. [Celeb Slam]

Meredith Grey may currently be the Schrodinger's Cat of network television, but Ellen Pompeo is alive and well and attending the NBA all-star game. [ICYDK]

Lily Allen is always good for a pull quote or twelve. [Bree]

There Goes My Weekend

I don't normally foray into the best dressed category (as T has that covered like a jimmy hat) but with the news that Maxim has booked Christina Aguilera for the cover of their March issue I'm nominating her.

Sidenote 1: I swear I don't work for Maxim.
Sidenote 2: Did you see her performance of "It's a Man's World" on the Grammys? It was super duper good. The girl can sing.

Naked Days Are Good Days

I'm a Christina Aguilera fan. Some of that is due to the fact that, unlike the rest of her pop brethren, she has a good voice. Also, that video "Dirty" was oddly compelling. Finally, I think she's like 5 foot 1 inches which means she'd have to listen to all my orders, no matter how costume related.

Yeah, all in all a life with Christina would be grand and today there was more good news for our potential relationship. You see, she likes "Naked Sundays." Straight from the little bombshell's mouth:

"We claim ourselves (her and the hubby) to be the coziest couple ever. We have something called 'naked Sundays,' " the 26-year-old pop star tells Ellen DeGeneres in an interview set to air Wednesday on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."

"We do everything naked. We cook naked."

"You cook naked?" asks DeGeneres.

Aguilera replies: "Yeah, we cook naked."

"Nothing with grease -- that could splatter," says DeGeneres.

"Well, unless you want the grease," Aguilera replies.

UNLESS you WANT the grease!! Bless you my child, bless you. Now who is this husband and whom do I need to murder to have him killed? I want naked Aguilera and I want Sundays. Especially now, given that football season is over. Beet, could this be a potential birthday present por moi? Don't act like you aren't friends with her. Your secret is out.

Late-Night Links

Ron Goldman's family takes another stab at suing O.J. Simpson. Har har. [A Socialite's Life]

Kim Cattrall says the Sex and the City movie is back on. [Hollywood Backwash]

Mel Gibson learns he may have a 29-year-old daughter as the result of a one-night stand in the '70s. Much to my chagrin, she's not Jewish. [Defamer]

Britney Spears desperately needs PR representation to help her better craft her lies. [Cele|bitchy]

Joel Madden removes himself from Nicole Richie for long enough to help ex-girlfriend Hilary Duff drop the restraining order against her stalker. [Pop on the Pop]

Lindsay Lohan hopes your Christmas is adequite. [The Gilded Moose]

Pictures of Christina Aguilera trashed out of her head always have an endearing quality to them. Britney ought to take lessons. [Yeeeah!]

Early Evening Links

Martha Stewart's found an "Apprentice" that fits in just right. [A Socialite's Life]

Christina Aguilera's hubby, Fugly McMusicProducer, was spotted partying solo and ringless. Trouble in paradise? [Gabsmash]

Paris Hilton lies about her sex life. [The Blemish]

Shanna Moakler is just glad to see another Miss USA labeled as a drunken slut. Although, in fairness, Shanna was never accused of making out with teenage girls. [TMZ]

Nicole Richie goes grocery shopping. Hopefully for some freaking Midol. [MollyGood]

Late-Night Links

Christina Aguilera does a little drinkin' herself. [Perez Hilton]

I've lost track of how many times Snoop Dogg's been arrested this year. But add one. [TMZ]

Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler take a break from hating one another to get dinner at Mr. Chow's. [Pop on the Pop]

Milla Jovovich? Still hot. [CelebSlam]

Gasp! One of the Gotti kids got arrested. [DListed]

Cameron Diaz can't marry Justin Timberlake because she's "commitment-phobic." And certainly not because he hasn't proposed. [HollyScoop]

Lindsay Lohan is in movies? Huh. [Pajiba]

Just for the record, I was into Regina Spektor before anybody. This song was on my MySpace page like a hundred years ago. Just so everyone knows. [BWE]

Who Does the Better Corpse Bride?

Christina Aguilera on Halloween, or Scarlett Johansson at the UK premiere of The Prestige?

You be the judge.

Links, Links, Links!!

Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe get into a little tiff at the Flags of Our Fathers screening in NYC. Ryan claims Reese is embarrassing him, mostly because her jaw is overshadowing his career. [Cityrag]

Victoria Beckham has been offered the hosting gig on Simon Fuller's new fashion-centric reality show. She may turn it down, since the show films in the U.S., and she knows that if she leaves hubby David's side for more than a minute, some hottie's going to steal him away. Like Paris Hilton. Or Tom Cruise. [Hollyscoop]

Rod Stewart thought Paris Hilton was a hot piece of ass. When she was fourteen. [Yeeah!]

Whitney officially kicks the Bobby habit. [People]

It's not so much that Christina Aguilera's hubby is smoking a joint, it's that he's wearing a bike helmet at the same time. [I'm Not Obsessed]

Catherine Zeta-Jones acts pissed that husband Michael Douglas said Eva Longoria has a great ass, as a part of their joint effort to convince the world he's managed an erection at any point this decade. [ICYDK]

Matt Damon reaches out to African children without managing to adopt one. [PopSugar]

Link It Up

A day with Paula Abdul is not worth $26,000 to anyone. A day with her Vicodin supply? Now that's another story. [CelebSlam]

Nicole Richie doesn't like it when strangers text message her. [Drunken Stepfather]

Scary Spice is carrying Eddie Murphy's love child. [Juicy-News]

Check out the video from Christina Aguilera's new single, "Hurt," which comes complete with a father-daughter separation scene straight out of a Michael Lohan cartoon. [Hollywood Gossip Whores]

Before they became the alcoholic, abusive, herpetic mess we all took such pure joy in watching them become, Liza Minelli and David Gest filmed a pilot for a reality show. Because God loves you, this footage has surfaced. [Perez Hilton]

Ellen Degeneres invites a hyptonist on her show for a weepy attempt to rid herself of the smoking habit, the cumulative result of which is that now I want a cigarette. [Defamer]

Saturday Afternoon Round-Up

• Sofia Coppola's job requires her to watch her cousin get nasty. Weird.

• Christina Aguilera takes a cue from Pink, pees wherever.

• This week's Lindsay Lohan crotch shot. I'm pretty sure she's not wearing underwear, but at least she remembered to wear cheesy black nylons.

• There's no specific item to link to here, but if you're not reading The Gilded Moose at least once a week, you're not really living. I can't stress this point enough.

• Even David Letterman can't salvage a Nicky Hilton interview.

• VH1 takes on the daunting task of counting down the Dumbest Celebrity Quotes. From our darling drunkie, Tara Reid: "I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist."

Update: I just rewatched that Nicky Hilton interview, and I've decided people are being too hard on her for it. She carries herself extremely well and with a great deal of class. Her composure and refusal to tag along with Letterman on his dirt-fishing expedition don't make her boring, just a more tolerable human being than her sister. We hate Paris for being unnecessarily obnoxious and stirring up drama in front of a national audience, and now we're going to diss Nicky for doing the exact opposite? I may lose my official gossip blogger card for this, but I call bullshit. No, she's not particularly funny (at least not on purpose), but she's never claimed to be. You're alright in my book tonight, Nicky.

Picking Up the Pieces: The Curves of Paris Hilton Edition

• Kendra Wilkinson, Hugh Hefner's adorable and beautiful girlfriend (no joke! I love her! I love all of them!), was super psyched to appear in her first rap video (okay that's where my connection with her begins to fade), but her day was ruined when Eminem poured a bottle of water all over her. I have a feeling there's a lot more to this story, but Kendra is so much fun to watch on Girls Next Door, and she seems like a genuine, sweet person, so I'm just going to link you to the email she sent to MediaTakeOut and let you draw your own conclusions.



• Paris Hilton's rookie album sells a mere 75,000 copies in its first week, and projections put it at 30,000 for next week. I've made a chart:

  
  
  
  Are you familiar with the term "asymptote," Paris? I wrote some code to calculate when, at this rate, your album would go platinum, and it slowed down processing on my computer for a solid five minutes before I stopped it. For comparison, Mrs. Jordan Bratman's album debuted this week and sold 320,000 copies. Industry-speak for this sort of thing is "flop." Nicole Richie plans to celebrate by eating the other half of that apple slice.

• John Mayer and Jessica Simpson? I'm concerned; I always end up rolling my eyes whenever I hear either of them speak. This could make me really dizzy.
• How cute are Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy? Sooooo cute.
  

Putting It All in Perspective

Notable Amazon.com album rankings from today:

1. Christina Aguilera, Back to Basics [I LOVE YOU XTINA!]
2. Danity Kane, Danity Kane [Yup, that's Diddy's all-girl group from yet another interminable cycle of Making the Band. Today, as the title says, we are putting things in perpective.]
...
7. Dixie Chicks, Taking the Long Way [Didn't that one lead singer chick say something mean about Texas? Or the Pope? It was something like that.]
...
10. Clay Aiken, A Thousand Different Ways [insert multiple-penetration joke here]
...
12. Justin Timberlake, FutureSex/LoveSounds [tell us again about those talentless AmIdol hacks, JT, and do it without using any spaces!]
...
24. Kidz Bop, Vol. 10
...
28. High School Musical [Amazon has Ashley Tisdale listed as the artist, but I refuse to condone that here.]
...
32. Cheetah Girls 2 Original Soundtrack [even better than the first Cheetah Girls soundtrack!]

and at #33:
Paris Hilton, Paris.

To her credit, she's been climbing this chart all day, but when your album's stalling out three times as far down as Clay Aiken on pre-order, something didn't go exactly to plan.

If it makes you feel any better, Paris, Jessica Simpson's A Public Affair promises to remain comparatively private, hanging out at the #75 position this afternoon.

Picking up the Pieces

Clips day continues. You know it's a slow news day when you've tracked down a clip of Christina Aguilera on Letterman to use on your blog. But after the Federlesion horror you endured in my last post, Ms. Xtina rocking out should be a welcome treat. I love this girl and I love this song.

The "news" I found on the floor of the gas station bathroom this afternoon:

• Kate Moss, the inarguable Queen of Good Ideas, took it upon herself to plan a wedding to the King of Better Ideas, Pete Doherty. He didn't show. Johnny Depp pokes his head out from his swimming pool of gazillion dollar bills and critical acclaim to laugh.
• Osama Bin Laden plays his own sick game of Fuck, Marry, Kill. The choices are Whitney Houston, Bobby Brown, and novelist Kola Boof. Play amongst yourselves first.
• Jessica Simpson's new single sucks so hard that she has lowered herself to warring with Kristin Cavalleri at the Teen Choice Awards. Yeah, that's right, the chick from Laguna Beach. Who Stephen Colletti called a slut. Who is 19 years old. And who probably banged her ex-husband. These are stars that won't stop rising, kids.