Two Can Play at This Game

While most of the world took it for granted that K-Fed was cheating on Britney during their marriage, new rumors suggest that Brit-Brit may have been getting some on the side, too. Her alleged paramour is J.R. Rotem, who Britney definitely hooked up with after filing for divorce. Other sources say J.R. had a previous fling with none other than Paris Hilton, Britney's BFF of five minutes earlier this month, and that when Britney found out she put an end to their BFF-ship. However, Miss Hilton recently gifted Britney a $500 doggie carrying case, so these rumors may be unfounded.

In Touch Weekly reports that Britney actually called K-Fed to ask him if he'd seen the pictures of her making out with Rotem, and to brag about all the sex she was having. Kevin was furious and started screaming at her.

And, making yet another stop on her self-styled image rehabilitation tour, Britney stopped at a tattoo parlor in L.A. with her little sister to get a hand tattoo.

For real, though, she is totally fine. She has never been happier. This is all so. Much. Fun. Ain't that right, Britney?

Late-Night Links

Ron Goldman's family takes another stab at suing O.J. Simpson. Har har. [A Socialite's Life]

Kim Cattrall says the Sex and the City movie is back on. [Hollywood Backwash]

Mel Gibson learns he may have a 29-year-old daughter as the result of a one-night stand in the '70s. Much to my chagrin, she's not Jewish. [Defamer]

Britney Spears desperately needs PR representation to help her better craft her lies. [Cele|bitchy]

Joel Madden removes himself from Nicole Richie for long enough to help ex-girlfriend Hilary Duff drop the restraining order against her stalker. [Pop on the Pop]

Lindsay Lohan hopes your Christmas is adequite. [The Gilded Moose]

Pictures of Christina Aguilera trashed out of her head always have an endearing quality to them. Britney ought to take lessons. [Yeeeah!]

Britney Spears vs. The Lakers Crowd

Britney Spears has lost the home-court advantage in the battle for her reputation. Brit, whose face somehow gained 20 pounds this weekend, showed up to see the Lakers take on the Wizards last night with kid sister Jamie Lynn. When they showed her on the Jumbotron, the Los Angeles crowd actually started booing. Britney has not been winning supporters in L.A. -- or anywhere else for that matter. She has learned to wear underwear these days -- although she sometimes forgets to put an outfit over it -- but it doesn't look like her adopted hometown is willing to forgive her original lapse of judgment. Or her second one. Or her third one.

As if this weren't enough, the Jumbotron later focused on a K-Fed lookalike, prompting cheers from the audience. Britney left the game before half-time, visibly upset about the incident. Even more distressing, the Lakers lost in overtime.

Cleaning up the Weekend

Britney can't figure out how to get her car to start and has to ask the paparazzi for help. [X17]

Mary-Kate Olsen's body is now so malnourished it is unable to sustain the pigmentation in her hair. [Perez Hilton]

Matt Damon thinks the Bush twins ought to serve in Iraq. He and fellow four-star general Robert DeNiro were discussing the war for a segment of Hardball. [Glitterati]

Congratulations to Jillian Barberie! The Good Day LA host is expecting a baby. [Tabloid Whore]

Where has Jennifer Lopez been the past year? Well, aside from her inexplicable attendance at Tom Cruise's wedding, she's also been working on a Spanish-language album to be released early next year. Check out a sneak peak of the first single, "Que Hiciste." [Just Jared]

Music producer J.R. Rotem, 31, fresh off his fling with Britney Spears, shows up at Koi holding hands with Hayden Panettiere, 17. [Dirty Laundry]

Late-Night Links (Back in Late Night)

Uh-oh. Looks like Nicole Richie's going to jail for this latest DUI. And just when Joel Madden was getting laid for the first time in three years... [TMZ]

Britney's new boyfriend can't get into Hyde. Also, if you'd like to dress up as a douchebag next Halloween, you can pretty much just use the outfit he wore to The Ivy this week. Everyone will totally be like "Oh, I get it. You're a douchebag." [Celebitchy]

Katharine McPhee in OK magazine. I don't know why I love her so much, but I do. [Pop on the Pop]

Jude Law plans to take his children to a South African orphanage for Christmas, to demonstrate that it is better to have a daddy who leaves your mother for a 22-year-old who he then cheats on with the nanny than it is to have no daddy at all. [Junkiness]

It is possible that Paris Hilton does cocaine. And by "possible" I of course mean "more of a sure thing than Tara Reid on St. Patrick's Day." [Celebrity Smack]

Finally! Someone moves away from character assassination and just plain attempts to assassinate Janice Dickinson. My money's on a former Top Model contestant. [Hollyscoop]

Britney and Paris Aren't Lovers

Good news.

Although:

In a recent photograph, Hilton looked very much like she was stroking Spears' upper thigh.

Hilton's rep dismissed a possible lesbian love affair with a curt:

“They are friends and you will continue to see them together. Paris thinks the world of her.”

Honestly, if they were caught making out the entire internet would shut down. So let's pray this doesn't blossom into something more serious than a little "thigh stroking." We've all casually stroked the upper thighs of our friends. I'm doing it right now. Move along people.

C'mon Jerks, Know Your "Partying Ethics"

It is on like Donkey Kong!

Paris Hilton has rushed to the defense of Britney Spears and fans of idiotic quotes the whole world round are rejoicing. Please folks, give her some room here.

"For people to call out her parenting skills on behalf of her partying ethics is appalling," Hilton wrote (on her MySpace blog).

Yes, it is appalling to call out a mother of two for being out all night getting housed. How silly of us. And I'm sure one day her children will gleefully look back on when their momma abstained from the merest hint of modesty.

Also, just knowing she has a set of "partying ethics" makes me warm and fuzzy about the whole thing. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go exercise my "Meth Morals."

Brit's New Man

And we begin, per usual, with the time-tested opener for Britney-related pieces: Oops! She did it again! Britney Spears is hooking up with the help. The 'razzi snapped pictures of her sucking face (while sucking a cigarette) with music producer Jonathan "J.R." Rotem. Rotem is working with Spears on her new album, and also worked with ... wait for it ... Kevin Federline, on Playing with Fire. Federline had Rotem as one of his top MySpace friends until Monday, when he was removed from the list.

This seems to be a pattern for Britney. When she and Justin Timberlake split, one billion years ago, it was widely assumed (although never confirmed by either party), that it was because she cheated on him with Wade Robson, who choreographed both her tour and *NSYNC's. So maybe Brit just has a thing for men who work for both her and her previous dudes. Because, um, I've seen pics of this Rotem kid, and I can't imagine she has a thing for his face. But whatevs.

Anyway, Rotem wasted no time in hitting up Hyde, now that he's famous and all. TMZ has video. Rock on, Britney.

Britney Aint Trying To Hear It

She's back, and posting on her blog. Ms. Britney Spears, the lady for whom a thousand blogger ships were launched, has posted a quasi apology, quasi "whatevs" on her personal site.

Quoth Brits:

"Every move I make at this point has been magnified more than I expected, and I probably did take my new found freedom a little too far."

Yes, you probably did my sweet flower (who shows her sweet flower). Ominously she ends with:

"I look forward to a new year, new music and a new me, I'm just getting started."

So, yes, full on porn in the '07!

Paris a Parent???

Apparently Britney is having as harmful an impact on Paris as Paris is having on her. After all the time Paris has spent with Britney and her two sons, she now wants to have kiddos of her own. “It’s been my dream to have four babies by 30,” says Hilton, 25, who probably ought to sit down and do the math on that one. “I look after animals," she says, "so I’d have a lot to give my kids.” Sheesh. Paris totally gives these quotes because she knows people will write about how ridiculous they sound. And it works.

Britney, meanwhile, is likely not up for Mother of the Year right now. Page Six reports that Los Angeles Department of Children & Family Services "has been calling Britney trying to set up a meeting with her, so they can check on [Spears' baby sons Sean Preston and Jaden James]. The calls started after this recent bout of bizarre public behavior." I seriously doubt this. I don't think L.A.'s Family Services is in the business of knocking on starlets' doors just because they're out partying whilst being mothers. While this is certainly not the most motherly behavior, something tells me Sean and Jayden are not sitting home alone starving while Britney is out flashing her goodies. I'm sure they're being looked after by her mother or her manager or any one of the other 5000 people on their parents' payroll, not unlike the rest of the diapered population of Malibu.

Are Brit Brit and Paris Getting It On?

Blind Item:

"Which new pair of best friends are actually more? When they get back to their hotels or homes, the clothes come off."

Um, so Britney is doing coke and Paris Hilton. Jesus save us all.

Britney Spears Celebrates Birthday

Here at the EvilBeet we owe much of our livelihood to Brit Spears so it's only fitting that we say Happy Birthday lover!

Rumor has it that her AND her vagina had dinner at the Mr. Chow restaurant (where I'm told the Fish n' Chips is off the charts). Afterwards:

Britney Spears was joined by Paris Hilton to celebrate Spears' 25th birthday Saturday night at Hyde Lounge in Los Angeles, says Hilton's publicist, Elliot Mintz.

I have no idea why Hilton's publicist is divulging this, I can only surmise it's to fend off the "they spent her bday turning tricks" rumors.

Man, that turned spiteful quickly eh? Okay, I return you to our original thought, we love you Brit and hope turning 25 will lead you towards the light.

Haven't had enough of Brit Yet? Here are Some Lovely Spears Links for Y'all

X17 has a super cute video of Britney at Mr. Chows and Hyde. It is a little freaky how the paparazzi get up in her face. [X17Online]

Everyone has advice for Britney on her big 25 Birthday. Here is a 12 Step Plan for the Pop Princess to get back on top. [The Washington Post]

Britney Spears wears panties...kind of granny panties but you gotta give her props for trying. [DListed]

Britney and Brandon in the bathroom? Say it isn't so. [Page Six]

Quote of the Morning

Via Celebitchy, Amy Poehler doing "Weekend Update" on SNL.

"Speaking of Britney Spears, I’d just like to take a minute to address this latest trend, flashing your bizness while coming in, and or, leaving a limousine. Ladies (read: Britney, Paris, and Lindsay, but especially Britney), you need to cool it. Nobody wants to see your baby factory. Look, I get it, I’ve been in this business for 65 years. I know how it works. Flashing Beav is part of the game. But if your gonna do it at least get paid for it…….The point is, you guys are making Tara Reid look like Audry Hepburn. What’s next? Shots of stars pooping out of a window? And lastly, ladies, what’s up with all the deforestation going on down there? You need hair down there! It’s a backup system for underwear! Even when you’re showin’ it, you’re not really showin’ it! There was a time when a lady garden was as big as a slice of New York pizza. Then, it turned into an upside down John Waters mustache. Now, every girl is as smooth as Joey Lawrence’s head! Global warming? You decide. But remember, I always believe a woman’s nethers should be shrouded in mystery."

Will we ever stop talking about Britney's va jay jay? Not anytime soon ladies and gentlemen.

Links for the 8 of You Who Can Access This Site Tonight

Jennifer Lopez is turning to Scientologist pal Leah Remini for tips on how the religion can help her get knocked up. Does Xenu recommend you have a three-man camera crew from VH1 living in your house throughout the process, Leah? [I'm Not Obsessed]

Look, MTV, when you've resorted to The Real World: Denver, you can't exactly expect viewership to soar. Up next: Road Rules: Presidential Libraries. [Pop on the Pop]

Tony Parker caves. [Celebrity Smack]

It is a distant possibility that Nicky Hilton is not particularly involved in the, you know, actual work behind her new line of boutique hotels. [Dirty Laundry]

Britney's first (55-hour) husband happily cashes in on her recent media prominence, reveals she had a tummy tuck. "No duh," say six-year-olds nationwide. [Cele|Bitchy]

Pink wears underwear. Unlike some people. [TMZ]

Did Britney's Vagina Break Google?

From Blogger's status blog:

Thursday, November 30, 2006
We are currently investigating the intermittent 502 error pages on the new version of Blogger in beta and its Blog*Spot blogs. If you experience one of these errors, waiting a minute or so and refreshing may help.

I've talked to a few other gossip bloggers, all of whom are experiencing insane levels of traffic from people searching for Britney's vagina. At Evil Beet yesterday we experienced traffic at more than ten times our normal level. Today we're on track for that to be twenty times. I wonder if this sudden traffic surge is impacting Google's Blogger servers. Man, I hope so. I hope Britney's vagina broke Google.

Related: sorry for the 502 errors. It's not my fault! If you try to load the site and it won't come up, try again in a few minutes. Thanks for reading! (Or, um, looking, as is the case for most of you.)

Britney Spears' Vagina is a Problem

Quick note from the Beet: I apologize for the incredibly slow load times lately. We're seeing unprecedented levels of traffic, thanks to the whole freakin' world searching for pictures of Britney Spears' vagina. Unfortunately, they're not our servers (but thank you, Google, for letting us use yours for free), so there's not a whole lot we can do. Hang in there, and I'm sure traffic (and load times) will be back to normal once someone who plays sports does something interesting.

Update: For those of you who have shown up here looking for these pictures, they are here and here. Enjoy! Tell your friends! Masturbate! Vomit! Sigh...

Britney Spears Does Something Flighty and Irresponsible

Is there trouble is Paris-dise for Britney Spears? After being total BFF for a full five days (which may be some sort of record for Paris), the two were partying separately last night, with Britney treating the world to another unrequested glimpse of her hoo-hoo at a Malibu gas station (class-ay), and Paris hitting up a Volkswagen rager with Nicole Richie.

On Monday, Paris said about Britney, “I love her. She is the sweetest girl I know. She’s so down-to-earth. I just want her to smile and be happy.” Fox had hoped to ride along on their publicity train (and Paris owes them big time, after her feud with Richie cost them a final season of The Simple Life), planning to have Spears and Hilton co-host the Fox Billboard Music Awards, scheduled to air December 4. Page Six referred to the dual hosts as a "black hole of stupidity." But, alas, Las Vegas may be spared the stunning gravitational implosion of dumb, as Britney pulled out of negotiations at the eleventh hour, failing to give a reason.

Things have not been looking good for Miss Britney lately. After the entire nation acted as her cheering squad when she filed for divorce from Kevin Federline, Brit has squandered nearly all that goodwill in just a few short weeks with an undending series of drunken evenings, allowing the paparazzi to get candids of her lady parts three times in one week, and missing scheduled recording sessions.

The Billboard Awards may have Hilton host solo, or may ask comedian Brad Garrett to take on the challenge.

Brit, This is Just Sad. Please Stop.

At a Malibu gas station last night. Kevin Federline is looking like the responsible one now. Does she even know this is happening? Has anyone mentioned to her that her vagina is on the Internet every single day now? This is the third time in a week! Also, something tells me this girl really shouldn't have been driving. This is so sad. BRIT! We were so excited for you!!! We were so hopeful! National goodwill was nearly 100% on your side. You could have done anything with it. But you did this. Why, Britney? Why?

Welcome to the Black Hole of Stupidity

Via Page Six this morning,

"In a move that may cause a black hole of stupidity to implode in the middle of Las Vegas, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton have been tapped to co-host the Billboard Music Awards at the MGM Grand Monday. The two "flashionistas" - who have recently given glimpses of their bare, well-groomed nether regions as they hang out with pal Lindsay Lohan - won't perform any musical numbers."

Some journalist was getting creative this morning. I love, that in the world of gossip news, "black hole of stupidity" is an acceptable phrase. Also..."flashonistas?"...brilliant! I do believe that this is the signal of the end of Britney's "comeback." Paris Hilton will get you in the papers but for all the wrong reasons. And by all the wrong reasons, I mean , vagina.