Late-Night Links

Lindsay Lohan's out of rehab and on the loose. And everyone knows the next-best thing to some Grey Goose cocktail is some Ryan Phillippe ... um .. you know. [A Socialite's Life]

Sarah Michelle Gellar: pregnant or fat? [INO]

Cammy Diaz nabs herself some Tyrese. [Cele|bitchy]

Premiere becomes the latest magazine to bid adieu to its print version, plans to focus efforts on online operations. [fishbowlLA]

Hey, guess who's still freakin' adorable? The Jolie-Pitt family! [ICYDK]

Also cute: TomKat and Suri, back on the intramural sports circuit. [dlisted]

Courtney Love breaks the big story that there was cocaine at Paris Hilton's birthday party. We get it, Courtney. You're sober now. But do you really have to ruin it for everyone else? [Warship]

Tobey Maguire and Jennifer Meyer take little Ruby Sweetheart into the ocean. Nude. (She's nude, not them.) [POTP]

Pics from Liz Hurley's wedding. [Allie]

ScarJo puts on her very ugliest dress for the Louis Vuitton show. Hair and shoes to match. [SOW]

One billion pics from the NAACP Image Awards. [PopSugar]

Also ... a VERY SPECIAL thanks to Joy A. at Pop on the Pop for giving Evil Beet a shout-out in her Mediabistro interview. We love ya, Joy, and we love reading POTP!

Late-Night Links

Hayden Panettiere does Comic-Con. Don't get too excited, guys. She's still totally unattainable. [Ninja Dude]

Is Katherine Heigl quitting Grey's? [Warship]

Michelle Pfeiffer stopped aging somewhere around 1974. [popbytes]

Tyra Banks gets kicked off a city bus. [DListed]

Prepare yourself for way more PoshKat pics. The funniest ones are when they pretend like they eat. [A Socialite's Life]

Photos from Vanity Fair's Oscar Party

More here.

Late-Night Links

There's a sixth hat in the Dannielynn paternity ring. And he's in jail. Nice. [dlisted]

Brit-pop up-and-comer Lily Allen sports some conspiracy theories. [Buzznet]

You thought Austria was neutral? Not when it comes to Paris Hilton. They threw trash at her. [POTP]

Wow, remember that Uruguayan model who died of an anorexia-related heart attack in August? Her younger sister, also a model, just died the same way. Unbelievable. All together now, girls: starving is not cool. [Cele|bitchy]

L.A. comedy clubs seem to be the hot-spot for bitchy comedian screaming matches lately. This week: Carlos Mencia and Joe Rogan throw down. Check out the video. [Celebrity Smack]

Taylor Hicks is that abhorrent sort of diva who doesn't even allow other men to watch him pee. For shame! [Celebslam]

TRL is dead. Vanessa Minnillo is unemployed. Jessica Simpson is doing a happy dance. [Just Jared]

Katie Holmes in Harper's Bazaar. [Warship]

Other Stuff You Should Know About

Hilary Duff's new single is pretty addicting. Kind of like Vicodin. When you're Nicole Richie. [popbytes]

Alanis Morissette and Ryan Reynolds must have received the letters I've been writing them, begging that the natural order of the universe be restored, and that Ryan Reynolds genes of total hotness not be mixed with Alanis's weird pear-shaped ones. They've split up. [Hollywood Grind]

I hate covering stories that involve Katie Holmes talking. [Defamer]

Fuckin' Lindsay Lohan. [The Blemish, The Superficial]

Fuckin' Lindsay Lohan's mom. [Hollyscoop]

Yes, we have pictures of Denise Richards' labia. This is very good news for Heather Locklear in the maintenance and improvement of the voo-doo doll. [The Superficial]

Sienna Miller, Call Me.

I'm a fan of Sienna Miller. I don't know if it was her work in Layer Cake or the beating she took on the Jude Law thing but I've been quietly pulling for her. Well, here is a fun interview The interview is very long and somewhat of a puff piece but I did enjoy this tidbit:

(on breaking up with Jude Law) "There were times when I felt like it was all just too much to deal with," she recalls, declining to share the details. (Miller admits that she's tried therapy, but after angrily calling the therapist a "cow" in response to a particularly difficult question in the first session, she was told she was still in trauma and not ready for analysis. She has not been back since.

Okay, that's good fun. I can't imagine how this came up but my imagination is running wild. "Sienna, do you think you are attracted to Jude because you're having trouble with how your dad treated your mom?" (pause for Sienna to puff on a cig) "You Cow!!" I'm guessing she may never be ready for therapy. Don't sweat it sister, the great ones defy analysis. Consider me still pulling for you.

Oh, one last thing, the interview mostly deals with her role in Factory Girl, a role that Katie Holmes was attached to at some point in the production but allegedly pulled out of due to the risque level and the fact that she's slowly preparing for when she's beamed to a new planet.

And You Thought the TomKat Wedding Was Over...

Tom Cruise and Kate Cruise (apparently that's what we're supposed to call her now, as the last shreds of her adorable, likable Joey Potter-ness have at last been phased out) are going to have yet another wedding reception here in Los Angeles. This one's for the folks who couldn't be bothered to trek out to Italy for the mediafest that was their original wedding. The party will be held at the Beverly Hills estate of Paula Wagner, who is Cruise's producing partner.

Tom and Kate (uggggh I hate calling her that) are freshly back to the States after their 13-day honeymoon in the Maldives. The older Cruise kids (the ones that call Nicole Kidman mom, when she makes her annual phone call) weren't invited, but Suri tagged along, ostensibly because, away from the watchful eye of TomKat, she may be prone to DNA tests and other evil tools of science. Says a source: "It was a family occasion. They played with Suri all the time, filming her on a camcorder."

Now There are New TomKat Wedding Photos, Too

Which is primarily responsible for the vague sense of nausea you've had since you woke up this morning?

a) These recently released TomKat wedding photos (they'll run in the December 5 Hello magazine)

b) The new Britney Spears va-jay-jay explosion?

c) The six vodka sodas you drank last night. And the pregnancy.

Thanks to MollyGood for the heads-up.

Where Can I Return This?

I can think of a lot of gifts I would have given Tom and Katie had they invited me to the wedding.

A golden scepter
Diamond encrusted cubic zirconium
Multiple Maseratis.

But you know what I wouldn't have thought of? One of those hand written notes you used to give your mom that promised you'd clean the kitchen for a week.

Luckily David Beckham remembered. Per our pals at the SfGate Daily Dish; He's giving Tom's children soccer lessons as a wedding gift.

That's right, Connor and Isabella are set to take lessons with good ol' Becks when he's not indisposed.

Whaa? This gift sucks ass for a myriad of reasons but here are just a few:

1) Katie gets nothing.
2) Katie's little nugget Suri gets nothing.
3) Connor and Isabella don't need soccer lessons because they won't be soccer players. Plus they are eleven and thirteen. Plus they weren't getting married (unless I truly don't get how that religion works).
4) Posh Spice should fucking know better.
5) It's not a GIFT! You can't hold it!

It's the kind of thing you offer after a few drinks, or maybe throw out there for giggles, but you get them a Goddamn real gift because they are damn near American royalty. You are worth millions; get them one big ass Crate & Barrel gift certificate. C'mon man.

Now, this is all just alleged and maybe he actually got them a platinum mini Ferrari for Suri to run over the Paparazzi with. Here's hoping.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to prepare my "free backrub" coupons for momma.

TomKat Wedding Video

This is so weird I had to post it. This will be the only time I speak of this sham marriage. We have lost Joey Potter forever. I wonder what Dawson thinks about all of this.



Enjoy!

The TomKat Wedding: It's Finally Over!

Well, those two crazy kids actually went and got themselves married. This Saturday, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were joined in holy matrimony at Odescalchi Castle outside of Rome. There were over 150 guests in attendance, including Victoria Beckham, Brooke Shields, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, and Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey.

Katie's father escorted her down the aisle, and the ceremony was performed at sunset by a Scientology minister (read about traditional Scientology wedding vows here). The wedding party included Cruise's children, Isabella and Connor, and the best man was Cruise's best friend, David Miscavige, who also happens to be the head of the Church of Scientology. Katie's sister, Nancy Blaylock, was her matron of honor. The wedding singer was Matt Lauer. Nah, I'm kidding, it was Andrea Bocelli. I hear there was a light drizzle at the start of the ceremony, but then things cleared up for the couple.

Since I honestly don't understand enough of these words to paraphrase the description of what Katie wore, I am going to jack it, word for tedious word, from Us Weekly: "Katie wore a fitted Armani off-the-shoulder bridal gown with a train in ivory silk cadis adorned in Valenciennes lace and Swarovski beaded crystal embroidery, featuring a delicate crinoline frill at the shoulders and a silk soleil border around the hem. The gown was complemented by an ivory tulle floor length veil and ivory silk shoes." If this sounds more like a recipe for a wedding cake to you, too, just check out the pics. For the rest of you fashionistas, People has a run-down of what the entire wedding party wore (summary: everyone's in Armani). Need more pictures? TMZ has one billion, and Teddy and Moo has the rest.

Tom and Katie left early the next morning for their honeymoon in the Maldives. Where are the Maldives? Apparently they're an island nation south-west of Sri Lanka. Where is Sri Lanka? Now you're on your own.

The First TomKat Wedding Photos

These are shots of the guests leaving their hotel to catch shuttles to the actual wedding site.

Victoria Beckham has apparently decided to skip the Cruise/Holmes vows altogether, opting instead to attend some manner of funeral being held by the cast of Melrose Place.

To celebrate Cruise's virility, Jennifer Lopez has dressed as a penis.

More later...

IT'S TOO LATE FOR KATIE HOLMES!

Rumor has it that TomKat officially tied the knot last night in an Italian civil ceremony, complete with their little Asian baby in tow. They will still have their Oprah-less wedding this weekend, but THE DAMAGE IS ALREADY DONE!!

Oh, Joey Potter. How lovely you once were.

Chantilly Lace and a Hypnotized Face

I don't know that I want to turn into EvilBeet's official CruiseKat guy but the stories seem to be calling to me. Here's a fun tidbit, Katie just dropped three large on some lingerie. Included in the windfall:

1) A $340 thong
2) Matching robe trimmed with ostrich feathers that set her back $620
3) A lace bra with Swarovski crystals for $380 and matching thong with crystals for $175

Now admittedly I don't know a ton about thongs but aren't they um.. well not much fabric? What would cost $340? Does it come with equipment? Also, why are we killing ostriches? Isn't it shame enough that they can't fly?

Finally, I would like to put the Crystal thong on my personal Christmas wish list. I think I deserve it.

I Link We're Alone Now

Rachel Weisz says it's okay to drink while you're pregnant. "Amen to that," says Lindsay Lohan's mom. [Cele|Bitchy]

If there is, in fact, a way to get America to a film version of Sweeney Todd, it's probably Borat. [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]

Shocker of shockers. Justin Timberlake is out and about, being a self-absorbed ass. [Girls Talkin' Smack, Pop on the Pop]

Oprah and her couch are not invited to the TomKat wedding. [Bossip]

If Paris and Nicole can be BFF again, perhaps there's hope for Britney and Madonna? [The Bosh]

You should return that bulk purchase of lube to Costco, guys. There won't be an Eva Longoria/Beyonce lesbo flick afterall. [Junkiness]

Michelle Trachtenberg and DJ AM? In my mind, this is the definitive answer to "Which B-list celebs do you care about the absolute least?" But apparently they're also banging. [A Socialite's Life]

Don't Do It Joey Potter!

We are four days away from America's sweetheart, Tom Cruise, giving up his flower one more time. This here link from ABC has a delightful sneak peek at the vows which are so awesome they must be broken down. They are as follows:

"Now Tom, girls need clothes and food and tender happiness and frills. A pan, a comb, perhaps a cat."

I should mention this is not fake in the slightest, this is what Tom really will say "Hail Xenu" to. A gal needs frills! To quote a British friend of mine "Luvs It!' Also, perhaps a cat? L. Ron, why not just lay it down, she either needs a cat or she doesn't man.

Here is what Katie will say "uh-huh" to:

"Hear well, sweet Katie. … For promise binds. Young men are free and may forget. Remind him then that you may have necessities and follies, too."

Okay, so Hubbard was a writer but he couldn't quite get the spirit of the word "folly" correct. A girl may be prone to folly, but I've never heard of follies. Okay, I just checked it out at Merriam-Webster and although it's a word I'm still mildly pissed off about the usage. I'd further note that if Tommy is still a young man at the tender age of 44 I look forward to many years of forgetting to buy cats my own self.

If these two crazy kids can't make it what chance do the rest of us have? The answer, sadly, is none because most of us are kinda-sorta on prescription medication and will never make it to the 42nd level of blinding light or whatever Cruise is up to now.

Let's Link this Through

Yup, the Spiderman 3 trailer leaked. Enjoy. [Derek Hail]

TomKat and Suri the Fake Baby (looking fake as can be), arrive in Rome for the contractually mandated wedding of the century. [Glitterati]

Leann Rimes sides with Faith Hill on the whole Carrie-Underwood-sucks issue. Classy. [Tabloid Whore]

Holy crap, stop the presses. Jude and Sienna broke up. For the eight billionth time. I honestly do not remember them getting back together. I'm sure I wrote about it, but I have some sort of Jude-Sienna mental filter that keeps that sort of info from sticking. I'm glad of it. [The Superficial]

This constant stream of Anna Nicole stories makes me want to mix methadone with antidepressants, too. The power company pulled the plug on her place in the Bahamas yesterday. [Allie is Wired]

Vogue doesn't want pictures of Britney Spears' baby. Not even for free. Damn. [HGW]

A little treat for the straight guys who stop by on occasion/accident: Alessandra Ambrosia photo explosion over at CelebSlam. [CelebSlam]

Short List

AmIdol winner Fantasia Barrino's new album drops December 12. Check out the first single, "Hood Boy," here. [Juicy-News]

Look, I've seen 8000 celebrity Halloween costume photos this week, including a completely baffling Paris Hilton, but Anne Curry as Cher deserves its very own link. [Go Fug Yourself]

Because you haven't lived until you've seen Chris Klein as a slice of pizza, the kids at Celebrity Smack put together two fairly comprehensive collections of celeb Halloween costumes. See, I had planned to do this, but I quickly realized it would require time and effort. Linking is much better. [Celebrity Smack, more]

Katie Holmes doesn't actually want to befriend Brooke Shields; she's fishing for tips on how to behave as though you actually just had a kid. [PCW]

What is Scientology?

Thanks to a recent commenter for pointing us toward this video. Someone snuck a camera into a screening of this Scientology orientation video, so you too can get a 36-minute introduction to the religion Katie Holmes is marrying into.

Evil T wondered what their wedding would be like. I'm not sure, but around 23:50 there's a church scene. It's a "Christening," and I'm pretty sure there's a big ole' cross behind the minister. See, guys? Scientology is just like that Christianity you know and love, except with more aliens and intergalactic warfare.

Even if you don't watch the whole thing, please check out the end, starting around 32:30, where you're warned that you have the opportunity -- right now -- to determine the course of the "your next trillion years." You can choose Scientology, or you can choose agony and despair. For a trillion years, people. "I'm sorry," says the host, "but that's the way it really is."

Anyway, if you're gonna watch it, watch it today, before I get the cease and desist letter.

TomKat's Crazy Will Now Be Legal

Tom and Katie's rep have now confirmed that their wedding will be November 18th in Italy. I'm glad for Katie since she already got brainwashed and knocked up in the course of a year while waiting in vain for her big wedding. They have been engaged since June 2005, so this wedding has been "in the works" for some time. I wish them well even though I find Tom Cruise super creepy.

I wonder if the guests will dress as aliens? Seriously if anyone knows what a Scientology wedding entails please shoot me an email.