Saturday, December 30, 2006

BREAKING: BRITNEY SPEARS SUCKING FACE WITH MATT LEINART!!!


Miss Britney Spears was spotted at Scottsdale's Jackrabbit Club last night getting hot and heavy with none other than Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart!


Our Scottsdale spies contacted us this morning to let us know that Britney was at the club -- trashed out of her mind and muttering that she could "totally lose the weight again if she wanted to" -- and later was hooking up with Leinart. Brit spent the earlier part of the evening at Scottsdale's Sanctuary, her favorite local resort.


Leinart used to get it on with Britney's former BFF Paris Hilton, who is apparently no longer so close to Britney, as the heiress has been heard referring to Brit unlovingly as "The Animal." Is this Britney's revenge?


As happy as I'm sure this makes Paris, certainly no one is enjoying this more than Brynn Cameron, the mother of Leinart's son, who was born in late October.


We are working on getting photos of the two during their make-out session -- they apparently exist, and hopefully they'll surface soon.

Friday, December 29, 2006

The Up-and-Coming "It" Girls


Move over, Paris Hilton. You're getting old, literally and figuratively. A whole new crop of beauties are prepared to storm the Hollywood scene in an attempt to become the next "it" girl. Here are some of our top contenders for 2007.

5. Kim Kardashian. The daughter of the late O.J. Simpson trial attorney, Robert Kardashian, made a splash on the Hollywood scene this year, hitting up hot spots with sometime BFF Paris Hilton (who thanked her in the liner notes of her album). She’s been linked romantically with Nick Lachey and Nick Cannon, and the 26-year-old with a booty to rival J.Lo’s promises to hang around in the spotlight through 2007.

4. Leona Lewis. The Londoner sang her way onto the radar on both sides of the pond as she sailed to victory on the U.K.’s X Factor. She won over the heart of American gossip blogger Perez Hilton, who ran YouTube clips of her on his website regularly. It is rumored that, after she took the X Factor crown, Whitney Houston herself called to congratulate her. This young woman promises to be a fixture on the American and British music scenes in the next year.

3. Ashley Tisdale. This 21-year-old was rocketed to fame with the surprise success of Disney’s High School Musical. She’s been spotted at a range of Hollywood parties, but has generally stayed out of the gossip pages. Look for that to change next year, as the release of her solo album in February and the summer release of High School Musical 2 raise her profile.

2. Katharine McPhee. Another product of a television talent competition, American Idol runner-up Kat McPhee graced the pages of far more magazines than its winner, gray-haired Taylor Hicks. The 22-year-old, who began the competition with a quiet, homely look, has transformed into a total sexpot, with a series of commanding photo shoots and personal interviews. Her eponymous debut album will be released in January of next year, and you can expect to see and hear much more of this young woman.

1. Hayden Panettiere. This 17-year-old stunner has been around on the soap scene for a while, but she made her mark this year on the mainstream as the cheerleader in need of saving on NBC’s hit Heroes. She’s dated Laguna Beach’s Stephen Colletti, and her debut album, produced by Britney Spears paramour J.R. Rotem, will be released in the spring of next year. She’s talented and she’s adorable, and, with any luck, it’ll turn out she has a drinking problem, too, because this girl is definitely one to watch in 2007.

This is a Very Cool Parrot



This talented parrot has very little to do with celebrity gossip (well, there's a small bit involving Mario Lopez, so maybe that counts), but it's about the cutest/funniest/most talented damn parrot on the planet, so I wanted to share.

[via Defamer]

Julia Roberts Expecting a Baby!


Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan are always griping about how they wish the paparazzi would leave them alone (Paris doesn't usually bother to lie about it), all the while hitting up every L.A. shindig at which there's even a remote chance there'll be a camera. Julia Roberts, on the other hand, actually meant it: she married, had two babies and moved to a ranch in New Mexico, where, if she is getting rip-roaring drunk and not wearing underwear, she's at least doing it inside. As a consequence, we don't hear much from Ms. Roberts, who most recently voiced the titular spider of Charlotte's Web, in the gossip world, and it's always a treat when we do.

Page Six is reporting that Julia, 39, and husband Danny Moder, 37, are expecting a third child sometime next summer. They already have twins, Phinnaeus Walter and Hazel Patricia, to whom Julia gave birth in November 2004, after a difficult pregnancy with mandated bed rest. Hopefully this one will go smoother for Jules. Congratulations to the happy family!

Danity Kane Girls...Just Like Us



Remember Danity Kane, the "Making the Band" Diddy creation that blew up the charts with "Showstopper" and has lingered around TRL since? Unless you are a teenage girl, or me, I really feel like you wouldn't immediately remember Shannon from "Making the Band." She was essentially pulled from "Fame" which was a short-lived NBC reality singing/dancing competition and injected into the "Making the Band" series by her manager Johnny Wright. She is a nice girl, virgin till marriage, you know the drill... it is quite amusing that she is in such a tarted up girl group. Take away the drag queen make-up and the Forever 21 hot pants and she really is that pretty blond girl next door. The pic above is from her visit to "Mamma Mia" on Broadway where she visited Raymond Lee, a ex-"Fame" participant and a current "Mamma Mia" cast member. I couldn't resist posting another one of these "oh look I'm in a gossip magazine" photos.

When Moguls Attack

I am at least morbidly fascinated with the whole Trump-Rosie thing, if only because this level of celeb animosity is almost never seen in the public eye. Trump struck again Thursday on a phone interview with AP. The highlights?

"Her show failed, her magazine failed. Barbara Walters gave her new life, but she'll fail at that also because she's inherently a stone-cold loser."

And, with regards to the feud:

"It will never end on my behalf because I've exposed Rosie for what she is: a very dumb human being," Trump told the AP. "She's got no intelligence, but I've known that for a long time. Unfortunately, Rosie's pulled the wool over the public."

A very dumb human being? Well then. I would say Trump is a little off on this, it's hard to call Rosie dumb compared to the average person. But really, they are both weird cats for not just going along their merry wealthy way.

Ideally this will escalate to flaming bags of poop left on doorsteps in the New Year.

Tyson Arrested for Drinkin' and Druggin' (and Drivin')

Mike Tyson used to have a viable skill, boxing. Okay, sure, that's not finding the cure for Polio but you'd have to admit it's better than say being blonde and producing a silly album (we'll always have Paris). Anyway, it's been two decades since he's done anything even remotely tangible, and since then we've had a flood of "Hey, this Tyson guy is nuts" stories. How about another one?

Tyson was placed under arrest after "showing more signs of impairment" during the field sobriety tests. Police then found cocaine on him and in his car, Hall said. The boxer was alone in the car.
The story ends with:
Arpaio said the Tyson had been to the Maricopa County jail before, but as a guest talking to juvenile offenders about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. "The irony is he did a great job with these kids — stay away from drugs, don't drink, stay out of trouble," the sheriff said.
I'm not sure that's irony. Crazy people don't really conform to the standards of the norm, thus the "crazy" term. He once bit a guy's ear off. He's done time in the joint for rape. I don't think he's capable of being ironic anymore.

The good news is EvilBeet gets a mug shot to start her New Year off right.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Late-Night Links...They're Baaack!

Memo to Pam Anderson: asking Heidi Fleiss to be your matchmaker is like -- well -- asking Kid Rock to be your husband. [A Socialite's Life]

Fantasia is looking a little hot and bothered. [IBBB]

Hooray! Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker are sucking face again. I bet now she feels really bad for not inviting him to her divorce party. [Pop on the Pop]

If you are currently running a major Britney-focused fansite, and you'd like to expand your Internet empire to cover the whole celeb gossip kingdom, now would really be the perfect time to shut down your Britney site, blame it on Britney's loss of "identity and credibility," and let gossip bloggers worldwide write about it, creating priceless hype for the project you hope to launch in the new year. Oh, someone already thought to do that? Damn. [The Blemish, World of Britney]

70% of Victoria Beckham's weight is nipples. That's nearly 35 pounds of nipples! [Agent Bedhead]

You know how, sometimes, you can be, like, a 100% heterosexual woman, and yet there are totally a handful of chicks you would probably have sex with? Yeah. Dita Von Teese. [Celebrity Smack]

Hey, Meg Ryan, your breasts are kind of like your career: they're not just going to hold themselves up forever. [Cele|bitchy]

If Loving Lindsay Lohan Is Wrong, I Don't Wanna Be Right


Bitch got her amateur strip on at Scores the other night. Via Page Six:

LINDSAY Lohan got down and dirty at Scores West for three hours early yesterday - jumping onstage to do a wild bump-and-grind, then ushering topless dancers into the bathroom to apologize for recently calling them all "whores."

"I love strippers," the 20-year-old actress gushed as she entered the famed mammary mecca at 12:30 a.m., and launched into a half-hour deejay shift during the club's "Turntable Tuesdays."

Next, "She got up on the stripper pole and began to dance with the Scores Girls with 400 customers cheering her on," said our source. "Then, she joined her entourage of 15 in the VIP area, and got lap dances from many of the girls, including a special double-dance from two strippers at once.

"It was hot. But while everybody was drinking, Lindsay was not. It was strictly Perrier for her."


Sober and stripping, which is probably more than you can say for most of the ladies who were working that night. She's a natural.

TOTAL HOTTIE John Edwards Running for President!

"I'm here to announce I'm a candidate for president of the United States," he said this morning on The Today Show. "I've reached my own conclusion this is the best way to serve my country."

The Democratic senator was John Kerry's running mate during his unsuccessful bid for the presidency in 2004.

We're still waiting to hear formally from Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.

Stay tuned.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Oops!...She Did it Again!


Not Britney this time.




Once again, sucking on a teat...that of a brunette girlfriend, true to form. Katie Rees issued a statement after the first set of incriminating photos surfaced stating that the photos were "an isolated incident." Maybe not so much. These pics were taken in a different location than the first set, and on a different date. Not that there's anything wrong with that, Katie. The guys (and girls) looking on appear to be enjoying it quite a bit. Since this whole beauty queen thing isn't working out for you, Kates, maybe you should try your hand at porn queen. You seem to come with plenty of experience.

Jess Didn't Have Herself a Very Merry Christmas



Jessica Simpson has not had the best 2006. It is being reported that on the set of her new movie "Blond Ambition" Jessica didn't leave her trailer for 2 days, prompting an intervention by her sister Ashlee. It might be a bit redundant to say that she has been experiencing quite the fall from grace as of late. First, her album flops. Second, she experiences a bout of fug as her sister gets crazy hot. Third, her movies are lameo. Lastly, her love-life has become the running joke of the tabloids. While Nick is off with his hot Vanessa Jessica's people keep trying to link her to various men with no success. John Mayer didn't seem to interested in her once their relationship went public. (secret sex anyone??) Evidently she was dating the quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys for a hot second until he moved on to Carrie Underwood.
In 2007 hopefully we will get to look forward to the pending Jessica Simpson breakdown when Nick and Vanessa get engaged, the crap that will be "Blonde Ambition," and many more bad hair extensions via her main gay, Ken Paves.
Thank You Jessica for going slowly batty, you give us the strength to move on from Lindsay Lohan.

Thanks to TMZ for this amazing article and a fantastic fat-face photo of Miss Simpson.

Vegas Baby, Vegas


I've missed Michael Jackson. He's a freakshow and he makes me feel better about my own pathetic life. I run through a mental checklist everytime I see him. Strange plastic surgery? Not me. Child luring theme park? Wouldn't even think to build one. Inventor of the moonwalk? Hell no, I rock the Roger Rabbit! You get the point.

Today is a good day because my boy is back in the news for a couple of stories. The first is that he's suing his accountants. Yawn. Everyone knows that accountants steal and the government harvests brains for moon colonies. Not a shocker there. But there is one more interesting tidbit:

"Rumor has it the entertainer plans to take a page out of Céline Dion's book and develop a live show on the Strip."
Jacko in Vegas? Oh boy! I'd long hoped for this, especially as the prevailing wisdom was he'd keep molestin' in an "old school" manner overseas. I mean, even his proud poppa thought we'd never get our fill of Michael again:
His father, (shoeless) Joe Jackson, speculated that his son would never live in the U.S. again because of the way he had been treated.
Yep, he was denied life, liberty, and the pursuit of being freaky deaky. With this news we can all count our blessings that we'll be able to catch a Dion / Jackson double feature right before we hit the strip clubs, and afterwards we'll plummet to our death from the 85th floor of the Bellagio. Classy!

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Anna Nicole Ordered to Take Paternity Test


On her baby, of course, although I'd also be interested in a scientific analysis of where the hell this woman comes from. The LA Superior Court ordered Anna and her three-month-old daughter to come to Los Angeles for paternity testing, at the request of her former sugar daddy, Larry Birkhead, who claims the child is his. Batshit Anna, as you'll recall, claims the baby daddy is Howard K. Stern, her longtime lawyer and recent "husband." Frankly, I don't really care who the baby's daddy is -- it's a good story either way -- but if someone could step up to the plate and claim he's the father of Suri Cruise, just so we could get those paternity tests run, I'd be a really happy blogger.

A Fashion Post by The Beet!

So, normally I leave the haute couture discussions in more capable hands (read: Evil T), but my good friend Marc Chung (who runs a data mining blog I'm sure this audience will find captivating) pointed out to me tonight that our two blogs may have some common ground.

In his data mining adventures, Marc stumbled upon Like.com, an online software that allows you to specify items a celebrity is wearing in a photo and quickly search the Internet for similar fashion items. You can specify color, price range, and which factors about the style are most important to you, and Like.com will present you with a series of similar products you might like, and tell you where you can buy them online.

The software's still in its alpha version, so it's very preliminary. I'm pretty sure you can only use the pictures they already have uploaded, and some searches come up blank, but some work really well. It's definitely a website for fashionistas to keep an eye on.

You Are a Spoiled Asshole




Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie spent Christmas with Colombian refugees in Costa Rica, while Jennifer Aniston lit holiday cigarettes with $100 bills and stirred vodka into her hot cocoa using the bones of the orphan children she's trapped and killed.

Star Jones's Husband Went to Some Very Good Schools

Check out this audio of someone calling into Star Jones' radio show to ask "How fat are you, Star Jones, and is your husband gay?" Star Jones retorts with a mostly incoherent rant about how this caller was obviously holding up his end of a bet and how he "couldn't get into the schools that my husband graduated from." Nowhere in there, of course, is a rebuttal of the implicit statement that her husband is gay.



Thanks to Pop on the Pop for the heads-up.

"Turkey Hangover" Morning Music

Last week Leona Lewis won X Factor with her beautiful rendition of "A Moment Like This." Now here is the video for this single that has swept the UK chats. This girl has an amazing voice and really does an amazing job with this song. The Beet praised her last week for her live rendition, but her recording of this AmIdol classic is trancendent. She has a Clive Davis record contract and is poised to be the next Whitney.

So even if you enjoyed the beauty that was here live performance...check out her video. Watch for this lovely lady in 2007...hopefully her hot new single will be our next Monday Morning Music!

Daly vs. Seacrest, a Battle of Crap.



As I stated previously there is nothing going on. However, I remain very afraid of EvilBeet's whip and so I've got this for your dome:

(re: both entertainers hosting New Year's Eve shows) Carson Daly has dismissed the idea that he and Ryan Seacrest are in a rivalry to replace New Year's Eve icon Dick Clark, who suffered a stroke two years ago.
The obvious comment is: How can two entities that suck have a rivalry?

Peter Bjorn and John

Oh boy!

The refrain on this one, about 90 seconds in, is Brill and also the mostest.

Prepare to be hooked you poor bastard.



Also, all the celebs seem to be holed up in their mountain lairs.

Let's Wrap This Christmas Up

Listen to this little bastard sing my personal favorite "Levon."



Yeah buddy.

Monday, December 25, 2006

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM BRITNEY SPEARS

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! THE PICS OF MISS NEVADA ARE BACK!!!








She's the one in red. TMZ ran them today, so I suppose they're fair game again (yes, Chris, I'll pull them again if you'd like). There are about a million more here. Consider this a Christmas gift from The Evil Beet (and Splash News) to you.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Fashion Victim of the Week



I'm surprised that Brooke Hogan has yet to grace our pages as a fashion disaster. In a way, she is a general walking fashion disaster but this little ensemble takes the cake. This girl is 6 feet tall so this outfit seems a little frightening, like a wall of flesh coming at you. Shorts are ok if you pair them with a top that is a little more substantial. The combo of a bustier and short shorts just comes off as a cheap outfit a 15 year-old girl would get at Wet Seal.

What Do Girls See in This Guy?



Remember Talan Torriero from "Laguna Beach? He was the cutest one on that show, in my opinion, yet I always felt a bit dirty for thinking that because he is only 20 years old. He was engaged for a hot second to Kim Stewart and I guess now he is dating 28 year-old Nicole Scherzinger from The Pussycat Dolls. Images shown here show them enjoying a lovely afternoon of shopping and cuddling even though Nicole is trying her hardest in a hoodie and dark sunglasses to hide. I wonder if she feels a bit bad for dating a boy that can't even legally drink alcohol? Talan is trying really hard to get famous post reality-TV, but I really don't think it is going to happen.

Breakin' Bands is What We Do

Have some fun music video action for your seasonal affective disorder my precious lovelies! This is a band out of Nashville (that's right, TENNESSEE!) called Be Your Own Pet.

Do I want you to like this video, and them by inference? Yes, yes I do. Hop to it.

Still Loving Some Tina Fey



Here's a nice small interview with Tina Fey from 30 Rock and Jenna Fischer from The Office. They both seem to be that rare example of smart, funny, attractive gals (just like our own EvilB and EvilT).

Some of the better quotes: (On losing in the ratings)

Tina Fey: Now we're just going to get our asses handed to us by Grey's Anatomy. But that's classier, I think. It's like getting dumped by a really handsome guy.
and
TV Guide: You appeared on People magazine's Most Beautiful list this year.
Jenna: I was 32nd most beautiful. I counted.
Tina: Wow. In the world?
Jenna: The whole planet.
Fun stuff, and both shows are worth watching so long as you are rocking the dual tuner TiVo.

Editor's Note: Expect some slow news days coming up, so we may end up talking about what I should get people for Christmas around here.

She's Always Miss Nevada in Our Hearts

Miss Nevada proved they just don't "get it." They've:

Relieved of her duties as Miss Nevada USA 2007
Why? A little girl on girl action and some drunken escapades scare them off? Is this not America? Have I woken up in the former Communist Russia?

The pictures were five years ago. Give me a break. Lastly, and speaking of pictures, Katie Rees photos are hard to find on the net these days, so you'll just have to imagine a good looking blonde. Sorry.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Naomi Watts Hates Romance


I like Naomi Watts. You should too. She's good people. But when you come after romantic comedies, you're coming after my big old heart. Read what she said in this article:

"I look at those romantic comedies, and I see actors with perfect hair and six-packs, and I feel myself being numbed, and I get angry because I see so much money spent on these things," the 38-year-old actress says in an interview in Allure magazine's January issue, on newsstands Tuesday. "I don't mean to sound righteous here," she continues. "There is need for it, because there are times when I am in a hotel room and need to be numbed. ... I keep saying to myself, Oh, God, I'm sick of playing these dark, harrowing roles. I want a big paycheck, so put me in some dumb romantic comedy any day."
Um, you know who disagrees with you sister? John FUCKING Cusack. Numb and dumb? You tell that to Love Actually sister, go ahead, tell it to its face.

I thought not.

The Rosie Rant That Started it All



Check out Rosie's (admittedly funny) rant against Donald Trump that prompted him to bitch-slap her on national television. And then, check out Rosie's response to him today.

If You Were Lindsay Lohan's Publicist, You'd Swear a Lot, Too


It has been a rough year for Leslie Sloan Zelnick, publicist to the stars. In June, client Britney Spears gave pretty much the most embarrassing interview ever to Matt Lauer. Zelnick took a ton of heat for not having been present at the trainwreck. But, as we all know, when Britney Spears wants to make a total ass of herself, that is what Britney Spears will do. She fired Zelnick in late September.

Zelnick's also had the dubious honor of serving as Lindsay Lohan's publicist this year, which I can't imagine is your typical 9-5, and it seems like, as the year draws to a close, Zelnick is thisclose to losing it completely. Star magazine is running a story this week about how, despite talk of Lindsay's AA participation, her pad is still a who's who of uppers. They went to Zelnick for comment. Her response? "It's all bulls--t."

Well, if Lindsay really does have all that coke, hopefully she's willing to donate some to her publicist. Because if anyone deserves to get loaded this holiday season, it's Leslie Sloan Zelnick.

K-Fed Now Wrestling

I've been trying to think of a joke for this, K-Fed stepping into the wrestling ring, but right now I've got nothing.

Screw it, let's just let K-Fed handle it for us:

Make all your jokes, because New Year's Day I'm the one who is going to be laughing. Oh yeah, Cena, my name is not K-Fed, it's Kevin Federline, b***h, and I want some and I'm gonna get some."
I just hope he doesn't get this Cena person pregnant.

2006 in the Land of Google

Here we go ladies and gentlemen, from Google, the 2006 Year-End Google Zeitgeist. I am taken aback by this because it does not include Britney Spears and her va jay jay and it does include a few randoms such as Martina Hingis and Autism.
This is a bit off in terms of American popular culture because it represents the results of global Google searching. I fear for the world ladies and gentlemen. Why do you ask? Paris Hilton is #1, God help us all.

This is the Google News Search List: (the Google.com one is kind of lame...it includes such goodies as wikipedia and mininova)

Google News - Top Searches in 2006
1. paris hilton
2. orlando bloom
3. cancer
4. podcasting
5. hurricane katrina
6. bankruptcy
7. martina hingis
8. autism
9. 2006 nfl draft
10. celebrity big brother 2006

Click on the above link and play around this site because there are a lot more fun things to look at. Here are the #1's that I found humorous.

#1 Question Searches:
Who is...Borat
Define...Promiscuous

Wedding Search:
1. Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban (Take that Tom and Katie!)

There is a lot more about things like soccer and prescription drugs...I love Google, I really do.

Another Beauty Queen...Another Girl on Girl Make Out Session




So I guess Tara Conner and Katie Blair aren't the only beauty queens that like to make out. Photographs have surfaced of Katie Reese, Miss Nevada, making out with a girl at a bar. Click here to see her exposing more of her goodies to the camera. I always knew these Miss USA girls were bad news. See what happens when you don't make a girl have a talent!



Ed. Update: These pictures have been pulled from this site at the request of SplashNews. You can view them here.

She's Not That Innocent



The saga of Miss USA/Miss Teen USA continues. Not only have reports come out saying that the two had an "inappropriate relationship" but also Miss Teen USA Katie Blair, 18, has been dropped as a spokesperson for Mother Against Drunk Driving (MADD). According to Heidi Castle, the spokesperson for MADD,

“In the past, MADD has teamed with Miss Teen USA to raise awareness about the serious and often deadly consequences of underage drinking. However, we do not feel, at this time, that Ms. Blair can be an effective spokesperson on underage drinking and will not ask her to represent MADD in future initiatives,”
So even though Tara keeps insisting that Katie is "totally innocent" I'm sure she was there by Tara's side partying away. Really what else are two hot blondes supposed to do in New York City?
At the end of the day both these girls are hot and famous and that is how the Donald likes it.

Update: I am sorry that we can't find a better photo of these two girls...you know something where they are in their party pants and making out. I will be searching the internet today for a Christmas miracle, ie.- some lucky dude with a camera phone that got a shot of these two girls getting it on while visibly intoxicated.

Really Early-Morning Links

Sharon Stone and Christian Slater are dating. This is a recipe for ... well ... lots of really good cocaine. [CelebSlam]

Tara Reid can still get modeling jobs. [Rappy's]

Josh and Scarlett have come to terms with the fact that they are the sexiest people under 30 on the face of this planet, and they simply have no choice but to date each other. [The Blemish]

Joan Rivers, now officially senile, thinks this country considers Jessica Simpson an intellectual. [Agent Bedhead]

Yes, of course Halle Berry's releasing an album. What did you expect her to do at this stage of her career? Act? [Pop on the Pop]

Evangeline Lilly's Hawaii home burns down. This is where I write a joke that demonstrates some background knowledge of Evangeline Lilly or that show she's on. I have no such knowledge. [Bricks and Stones]

Check out the first track from Whitney Houston's comeback album. [Bossip]

Donald Trump Not the Biggest Rosie Fan Right Now



Oh sweet Jesus. This is seriously a full two minutes of Donald Trump going balls-to-the-wall bitchy on Rosie O'Donnell. Apparently he plans to sue her. The first sentence uttered in this interview is "Well, Rosie O'Donnell's disgusting." And it just gets better from there. A must-see.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Lara Flynn Boyle Sure is Thrifty


Not only does she save daily on the cost of food, Lara Flynn Boyle got married in San Antonio this weekend for a mere $36!

According to TMZ, Boyle wed businessman Donald Ray Thomas (who is utterly untraceable via Google, oddly, unless he is a North Carolina man who died tragically in a car accident in 2001 or a physician who sits on the Georgia state senate, neither of which keeps with TMZ's description of him as a "businessman") after paying the $36 for the license fee. No party, no fancy dress, no Jack Nicholson. They reportedly had a small ceremony in Thomas's backyard following the wedding.

BITCH FIGHT

Perez Hilton's war on the man who lanced Lance Bass, Reichen Leimkuhl, continues. Perez ran this not-so-blind item today:


Riddle me this: What not-so-bright professional pretty face is making up lies in a transparent attempt to save his relationship with his meal ticket? The power bottom - who loves to engage in various illegal activities, various friends of his who have partied with him confirm exclusively to PerezHilton.com - has a history of lying. Several moles in the celebrity weeklies tell us that during his recent split with a former boy-bander, whose publicist confirmed the news, the former military brat was still claiming the two were together. Obviously one party has more to lose from the demise of that relationship and he's going to do whatever it takes to save it.

P.S. Not only did the not-so-bright homo hook up with a fellow reality TV star recently, but the two have also hooked up in the past!


It is sooo on.

Two Can Play at This Game


While most of the world took it for granted that K-Fed was cheating on Britney during their marriage, new rumors suggest that Brit-Brit may have been getting some on the side, too. Her alleged paramour is J.R. Rotem, who Britney definitely hooked up with after filing for divorce. Other sources say J.R. had a previous fling with none other than Paris Hilton, Britney's BFF of five minutes earlier this month, and that when Britney found out she put an end to their BFF-ship. However, Miss Hilton recently gifted Britney a $500 doggie carrying case, so these rumors may be unfounded.

In Touch Weekly reports that Britney actually called K-Fed to ask him if he'd seen the pictures of her making out with Rotem, and to brag about all the sex she was having. Kevin was furious and started screaming at her.

And, making yet another stop on her self-styled image rehabilitation tour, Britney stopped at a tattoo parlor in L.A. with her little sister to get a hand tattoo.

For real, though, she is totally fine. She has never been happier. This is all so. Much. Fun. Ain't that right, Britney?

Wednesday Morning Music

So it is Wednesday morning, I know. The T has somehow come down with a nasty bug that has taken away my snarkiness for a bit. Rest assured, however I am feeling better and ready to give you some lovely new music this Wednesday.
I introduce "Teardrop" by "Massive Attack" as my new favorite chill out/driving song. The vocals are absolutely gorgeous and the video is a bit creepy but very cool. For you who think "I've heard this song before," it is the in promo credits for one of my favorite TV shows "House."
Enjoy!

Madonna, Go Away.


I sure as hell don't know what to make of this. Quoting this rumor:

Madonna looks set to make her movie directing debut. An entry on Hollywood.com lists her as director of an upcoming movie entitled 'Blade to the Heat'.
The story is a:
"boxing story loosely based on the 1959 bout between Emile Griffith and Benny 'Kid' Paret".
I don't know, I don't really begrudge anyone a directing job but this seems futile. I didn't even like Clint Eastwood's boxing one, how in the world will this not turn into a cheesefest? My guess is she'll only produce it. Surely she still has some of her instincts left, the ones that haven't been eaten by a British accent.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

I'm Guessing Lohan

Via the Post Today:

WHICH young starlet will never be invited back on Oprah? The night before her taping, she stayed out until 5 a.m. and then showed up to the studio an hour late stinking of booze.

Hmmmm, thinking about this Lindsay Lohan was on in November promoting "Bobby."
Just asking.

This Ain't a Scene, It's a Goddamn Social Commentary


I was just watching the video for Fall Out Boy's "This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arm Race" (a song which I think rocks, btw), and I'd always kind of listened to it absently on the radio and figured it was about war or violence on the streets or something genuinely arms-related. After watching the video and reading the lyrics, it occurred to me that it's probably a commentary on the Hollywood social scene and the way the celebutante wars are strategized (by the 'tantes themselves) to play out in the tabloids and in the blogosphere. Lead singer Pete Wentz has a killer crow's nest from which to watch this type of drama unfold, based on his relationship with Ashlee Simpson. I dunno, just thought I'd share.

Studio 69 on Van Nuys Boulevard



A MadTV parody via Best Week Ever.

Sean Penn Thinks You're a Cum Stain

Actor Sean Penn sent reporters scrambling for the least offensive way to convey the concept of "cum stain" during his acceptance speech for the 2006 Christopher Reeve First Amendment Award. Oh, and he also called for the impeachment of President Bush.

Said Penn: "Let's put his administration under oath. And then if the crimes of treason, bribery or other high crimes and misdemeanors are proven, do as Article 2, Section 4 of the United States constitution provides, and remove the president, vice president, and … civil officers of the United States from office."

He continued: "If we attempt to impeach for lying about a blow job, yet accept these almost certain abuses without challenge, we become a cum stain on the flag we wave." [The entire speech is here.]

How's that for effective use of imagery? My seventh-grade public speaking teacher would be so proud. Of course, these remarks are inflammatory and amusing and most definitely need to be written about in this pre-Christmas news slump, but how on earth do you print the word "cum stain" if you're a major news agency catering in large part to red-state readers?

This is Fox News's take on it: "If we attempt to impeach for lying about a [oral sex act], yet accept these almost certain abuses without challenge, we become a [human] stain on the flag we wave."

Nice.

Late-Night Links

Ron Goldman's family takes another stab at suing O.J. Simpson. Har har. [A Socialite's Life]

Kim Cattrall says the Sex and the City movie is back on. [Hollywood Backwash]

Mel Gibson learns he may have a 29-year-old daughter as the result of a one-night stand in the '70s. Much to my chagrin, she's not Jewish. [Defamer]

Britney Spears desperately needs PR representation to help her better craft her lies. [Cele|bitchy]

Joel Madden removes himself from Nicole Richie for long enough to help ex-girlfriend Hilary Duff drop the restraining order against her stalker. [Pop on the Pop]

Lindsay Lohan hopes your Christmas is adequite. [The Gilded Moose]

Pictures of Christina Aguilera trashed out of her head always have an endearing quality to them. Britney ought to take lessons. [Yeeeah!]

Conner Speaks


Miss USA will be keeping her crown and her swanky pad. Among the highlights of the press conference:

She says there are way too many allegations. She had a couple of nights where she drank. No comment on drug issue (YIKES).

Katie Blair "completely innocent" according to Tara (say it isn't so).

She wouldn't say she's an alcoholic, that would be pushing the envelope. "We all have personal demons we have to face." She will be drug tested, per The Donald. He also says "she's not sure if she's an alcoholic, which is never good." Hmm, that seems to be in direct contradiction to her statement. Me thinks after a few more "meetings" with the Miss USA people she'll be admitting she has a "problem."
She will be headed to rehab right about now. If you want more opinion and info check out our brothers at TMZ.

Yeah This is Another Video Post



My apologies to those of you who can't watch YouTube at work. But this is worth reposting. It appears to be a celeb gossip video blog called Twingasm, although I can't find a link to it, and my (admittedly cursory) google searches have been fruitless. If anyone has more info on this, please let me know. I found it on MollyGood. It's lol funny.

Please Tell Me She Goes the Extra Mile Too


Did you know that before all the "bathroom coke lovin'" went down with Miss USA she lived together with Miss Universe and Miss Teen USA in a posh Manhattan apartment? I didn't either, but I when I die I hope I can go there. See the picture of them above? Ladies, I have imported the finest cocaine to my house. Here's a thought, let's pretend it's a sandy beach and have some crazy wild fun before you're all dethroned (see, this is why Beet brought me in, crude sexual jokes that totally emphasize us men are simple creatures at heart).

Anyway, word is slowly coming out that Miss Teen USA Katie Blair was having naughty fun just like her friend Tara Conner. Only this fun must be even more fun because she's not even allowed to legally drink. **Update** Just found out Miss USA was underage too, so no new taboo there.

Beet, please get us some details using your super secret sources. I have access to money if you need help.

Personal aside, my guess is Miss Universe was the "stay at home and knit" type. There's always one in any group.

Screw Y'all, I Still Love Me Some SNL

And even for those who don't you'll laugh at this. JT is bringing funny back too. This here is the full on dirty word version of Saturday Night's triumphant digital short.

Chad Lowe Just Making the Christmas Rounds

You know when you're schlepping your girlfriend to some holiday party at the house of a friend you've only been to once before? And you know which street it's on, and you're pretty sure you'll remember the house, but then you get there and they're all white ranch-styles with long driveways? And so you're like "Fuck, what am I supposed to do now?" And you call your friend for the address but he's not picking up the phone. And your girlfriend's sitting there like "Um, can I just open the bottle of wine we brought as a hostess gift while you sort this one out, Magellan?" And so you're like "It's this one, I'm sure of it," and she's like "Are you really sure? Do you recognize any of those cars out front?" and you're like "Yeah," but that's a lie, but you bravely walk up and knock on the door, and someone says "Come in!" and so you walk in to find a roomful of people you've never seen before in your life and this is clearly not your friend's house and it is incredibly awkward and embarrassing?

Yeah.

So then imagine you're kind of a celebrity (or at least you used to be married to one), and your night goes just like that, and then one of the party guests submits an account of the event to a major L.A. gossip blog, which runs the email verbatim. Because that is totally what just happened to Chad Lowe. Check out the full account on Defamer.

Monday, December 18, 2006

I Am So Glad That Someone Else's Life is Wonderful


Giuliana DePandi has officially stolen my dream and ridden off with it into the sunset.

The E! News host is engaged to Bill Rancic, who won the first season of Donald Trump's Apprentice. The two met in 2004 when she interviewed him after his Apprentice win, but didn't start dating until an interview earlier this year. Giuliana asked Bill during the interview if he was dating anyone. He said no, and asked her out later once the cameras were off.

I would love to attempt to snarkily paraphrase the details of her engagement to him, but since:

1) I am pathetically single.

2) Bill Rancic is hot and smart and charming and rich and

3) Giuliana DePandi totally beat me to the celeb-gossip-reporter-gets-asked-out-by-hot-smart-charming-rich- interviewee-and-they-live-happily-ever-after punch and

4) This sucks and I am bitter

I am just going to pull DiPandi's quote from E! Online:

"At first, I thought Bill was surprising me with a helicopter ride over downtown Chicago to see the Christmas lights. Then, suddenly he pulled out the most beautiful ring I have ever seen and asked me to marry him. I was so excited I could barely speak. When we got back to his house, he had roses and rose petals scattered everywhere and a big chocolate cake sitting next to a bottle of our favorite wine. It was the best night of my life."

Are you done reading that? Because I'm not quite done throwing up. Give me another minute. Here, look at a picture of Leann Rimes with her dogs. That should get you to about where I'm at.

Okay. Done.

My sad, celibate, lonely life aside, thisisreallygreatandiamhappyforher. Okay?

OMFG STOP THE PRESSES!!!!


Justin Guarini has cut his hair. And, for the first time in the history of the world, the mere sight of him doesn't make me want to vomit all over myself. Apparently he's filming a movie and doing annoying interviews and stuff, all of which still brings on the up-chucks. However, the hair? Is okay with me now. He doesn't look half bad. So, JGuars, you've won this one. This brings the current score in the Justin Guarini Sucks War to JGuars, 1, Evil Beet staff, 57. At least it won't be a shut-out.

Early Evening Links

Martha Stewart's found an "Apprentice" that fits in just right. [A Socialite's Life]

Christina Aguilera's hubby, Fugly McMusicProducer, was spotted partying solo and ringless. Trouble in paradise? [Gabsmash]

Paris Hilton lies about her sex life. [The Blemish]

Shanna Moakler is just glad to see another Miss USA labeled as a drunken slut. Although, in fairness, Shanna was never accused of making out with teenage girls. [TMZ]

Nicole Richie goes grocery shopping. Hopefully for some freaking Midol. [MollyGood]

Words Escape Me

What's it been, like four hours without Lohan news? Thankfully our wait is over, we can all breathe easy now that our girl has bruises on her thighs. Wait, back up, let me explain.

Page Six is reporting:

LINDSAY Lohan is suffering for her art - that is, suffering bruises from dancing on a stripper's pole to prepare for her role as a topless dancer in her new movie, "I Know Who Killed Me."
Want more? They evidently have an email she sent to her friends where she wrote:
"They're all whores, they're all whores (strippers) . . . xcept for some obviously!" Lohan wrote in the note, "So . . . 3 hours of pole dancing and bruised. everywhere . . . I mean we're talkin' like, UPPER AND INNER THIGH ACTION-bruised . . . like a walking black-and-blue mark."
The one thing I want to know here is what jerk-off friend turned this email over to page six?

First Annual Gossip Blogger's Choice Awards

Spicy Pants over at Celebrity Smack decided to poll some of the coolest gossip bloggers around to get their opinions on the gossip world this past year. She was kind enough to include Evil Beet in the bloggers she talked to, and we were more than happy to share our opinion (we are always happy to share our opinion). Head on over there to see what everyone else had to say!

Britney Spears vs. The Lakers Crowd


Britney Spears has lost the home-court advantage in the battle for her reputation. Brit, whose face somehow gained 20 pounds this weekend, showed up to see the Lakers take on the Wizards last night with kid sister Jamie Lynn. When they showed her on the Jumbotron, the Los Angeles crowd actually started booing. Britney has not been winning supporters in L.A. -- or anywhere else for that matter. She has learned to wear underwear these days -- although she sometimes forgets to put an outfit over it -- but it doesn't look like her adopted hometown is willing to forgive her original lapse of judgment. Or her second one. Or her third one.

As if this weren't enough, the Jumbotron later focused on a K-Fed lookalike, prompting cheers from the audience. Britney left the game before half-time, visibly upset about the incident. Even more distressing, the Lakers lost in overtime.

We Love Edward Norton


I don't have a link because I just saw it on a tiny local news channel called CNN but Edward Norton has come out against the award show swag. For those not in the know, anyone who attends any award show such as say, The Oscars, gets a giant bag of expensive goodies. Actually, the Oscars are the worst offenders because they consider themselves the biggest and baddest award show on the planet. I have no idea what you'd get if you headed out to the "People's Choice Awards," but I'd assume it would be something like a combo flashlight keychain.

Anyway, Oscar gives hella goodies. What kind of goodies you ask? Well, offhand a google search popped up this article which has a quote from The Chicago Sun-Times:

The Chicago Sun-Times is reporting that the gift bags have an estimated value of $100,000.
Basically we're talking the latest and greatest in tech gear and unattainable items for the general public. So you're out there saying "Well, why do rich Hollywood types need free shit?" Exactly my friend; Edward Norton is on the case. He correctly notes a lot of people are in need that don't make big bucks from entertainment. Perhaps we should hook them up, eh?

That's reason number #42 we love him so much, right after the fact that his character in Fight Club wants to fight William Shatner.

Judith Regan Does Her Best Mel Gibson

Judith Regan, the would-be publisher of O.J. Simpson's debut foray into literary fiction, If I Did It, was fired by publisher HarperCollins after she reportedly made anti-Semitic comments in a conversation with a company lawyer. The details are still murky, but Gawker's on the case, as this is, like, totally their equivalent of a Britney Spears crotch shot. Stay tuned.

Sad Ass Acoustic

Okay, Admittedly Monday morning is not the ideal time to take it down a notch, but this is a hauntingly beautiful song by Damien Rice. Lisa Hannigan and Damien take over Jay Leno's show for a few minutes and we're all a little more introspective for the moment. I'm only throwing this out because EvilT will probably give you an official Monday Morning Music effort and after JT and The Silversun Pickups this weekend you owe me one.

Beet, if you want to murder me I stand at the ready.

Wanna Buy Someone Vince Gallo for Hannukah?



Here is a gift idea ladies and gentlemen...buy a night with manwhore Vincent Gallo for that "hard to buy for" person on your Hannukah/Christmas list.

Who is Vincent Gallo you ask? He was in a bunch of films that a lot of people I guess enjoy since he is sort of "famous" but the one that has given him notoriety is "Brown Bunny." I have to admit that I have seen "Brown Bunny," the "art house/porn film" starring both Gallo and weirdo Chloe Sevigny. In the film there is an infamous oral sex scene which was a bit shocking because Vincent Gallo has used the movie as a general penis advertisement since then. It is full frontal and evidently the real deal. (ie- yes folks, she swallows) Piggybacking on the success of his penis on film, Vincent Gallo as offered to let women buy the use of his man meat in real life. First he offered himself up for $50,000 and though nobody thought that was a great deal he has upped it to $100,000 plus travel, food, lube, etc... This quote really makes me want to throw up in my mouth,

“Heavy-set, older red-heads and even black chicks can have me if they can pay the bill. No real female will be refused. However, I highly frown upon any male having even the slightest momentary thought or wish that they could ever become my client. No way, José.”
Awesome. Way to be politically correct Vincent. Anyway, I'm not sure how to contact him to take him up on his offer but he isn't a small man so I guess for someone he will "rock your world." You have to get over that paying for sex thing but guys do it all the time...right?

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Cleaning up the Weekend

Britney can't figure out how to get her car to start and has to ask the paparazzi for help. [X17]

Mary-Kate Olsen's body is now so malnourished it is unable to sustain the pigmentation in her hair. [Perez Hilton]

Matt Damon thinks the Bush twins ought to serve in Iraq. He and fellow four-star general Robert DeNiro were discussing the war for a segment of Hardball. [Glitterati]

Congratulations to Jillian Barberie! The Good Day LA host is expecting a baby. [Tabloid Whore]

Where has Jennifer Lopez been the past year? Well, aside from her inexplicable attendance at Tom Cruise's wedding, she's also been working on a Spanish-language album to be released early next year. Check out a sneak peak of the first single, "Que Hiciste." [Just Jared]

Music producer J.R. Rotem, 31, fresh off his fling with Britney Spears, shows up at Koi holding hands with Hayden Panettiere, 17. [Dirty Laundry]

There Is No Other Important Aspect to This Story Other Than the Fact That Natasha Lyonne Threatened to Sexually Molest a Dog


...but, if you care, she turned herself into a NY court on Friday, for the aforementioned threats of sexual molestation issued toward a dog.

There's a stint in rehab there, and some previous missed court appearances, blah blah blah, but am I the only one who's noticed that none of that matters? Because this is the most hilarious court case in the history of the world (seriously, I ran a LexisNexis search, and this is it).

The complaint was originally filed by Lyonne's former roommate, who claimed that Natasha trashed their apartment, then banged on a neighbor's door, rushed into the apartment and picked up the neighbor's dog, speaking the words: "I'm going to sexually molest your dog."

Oh my God this makes my head spin. So many unanswered questions!

Why is this complaint being filed by her roommate, and not the owner of the nearly violated canine? What did Natasha have against the neighbor? Or the roommate? Or the dog?

Does Natasha Lyonne often have sex with dogs?

What on earth set in motion a series of events that would lead a person to speak, in earnest, the words "I am going to sexually molest your dog"?

I know, I know.

Drugs.

Still. Funny shit.

Way to work that ninth step, 'Tash. Keep coming back. Just leave the dogs alone.

Hells Yeah! Dirt on Miss USA!


Woo hoo! It was only a matter of time -- the details are beginning to come out about Miss USA's fall from grace. The New York Post (filed under News, not Page Six), reports that Conner has been evicted from her Trump Place apartment in NYC (and they've nicknamed her "Mess USA," and at first I rolled my eyes, but, on second thought, good job).

Says a doorman at her former home: "She does not live here anymore. She is not allowed anywhere on Trump property. She is certainly not allowed to come back. I don't think it was her choice, really." Conner has returned to her hometown in Kentucky.

So on to the dirt!

The Post, probably fueled on sheer fury that TMZ scooped them on the story that the first runner-up had been told she'd be getting the crown, did some hard-core digging. And it's bad. And -- oh! -- it's ever so good.

According to one source, "she has a really bad drug problem. Everyone at Miss USA hated her. She slept with Travis Barker and she sleeps with all the club promoters."

Ick! She slept with Travis Barker?! I thought we left disgusting work like that to Paris Hilton.

The Post also reports that Conner has been "linked romantically to two of the owners of the club Stereo, MTV veejay Damien Fahey, American Idol host Ryan Seacrest, and DJ AM's assistant."

Let's reflect. The owners of Stereo, okay. Fine. Ryan Seacrest? Is gay. So no. And DJ AM's assistant? Are you kidding? DJ AM has an assistant? To do what? Carry around barf bags for Nicole Richie? Hm.

Talk of Conner's drug problem continues with comments from another "friend": "She was latching onto a crew of promoters because she had no other friends and she was using them for drugs. She started utilizing hip New York City people in the night-life scene to feed her addictions. I cut her off when she started leeching off all the other people I introduced her to."

Why, dear? Because then there was less blow for you? I hate it when that happens. I cut off prettier girls, too, because people always give them their drugs first.

The Post also found not one but two sources who claim Tara liked to get it on in club bathrooms. "She always went the extra mile," is the quote they chose to print.

There's also the typical dirt on how these problems are "deep-rooted," how Tara was never particularly invested in winning the Miss USA crown, and a random comparison to Lindsay Lohan.

Expect an announcement from the Trump organization on Tuesday.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Leona Lewis Wins X Factor

Shocking exactly no one, Londoner Leona Lewis won X Factor tonight. X Factor is kind of like the British American Idol (which is strange, because AmIdol was based on the British Pop Idol, so I'm not really sure how this show came about, but they've still got Simon Cowell there, along with fellow judges Sharon Osbourne and some small old guy who reminds me of that little gay man who was Karen Walker's nemesis on Will and Grace). Anyway, Leona's been a stand-out in the U.K. since the start of the competition, but her profile has been relatively huge in the U.S. thanks in large part to Perez Hilton, who raves about her almost daily on his website.

Her first single in the U.K. will be "A Moment Like This" (yeah, that's right, the same song Kelly Clarkson used as her first single...cute, guys). But, I've gotta hand it to her, as much as I love me some Kelly Clarkson, this is the first time I've been able to listen to this song without rolling my eyes. Her voice is so incredible you kind of forget that the lyrics sound like you wrote them in sixth-grade English after the seventh-grade football star smiled at you in the hall. I've linked that video here, but I'll hand you over to Perez for some others.

Angelina on Good Morning America



Check out the footage from her Diane Sawyer interview. Argh. I hate that she's so completely likable now. I have to hand it to her, she's really done a good job of turning this whole "evil homewrecking slut" thing into "look at me I wear cream and adopt African orphans and raise them in a stable home and speak about it eloquently while wearing flattering and age-appropriate eye make-up."

Well played, Angie. Well played.

I also like her reference to "sliding doors," which was, you'll recall, the title of a film starring Brad's former fiancee, Gwen Paltrow. A Freudian slip, mayhaps?

Silversun Pickups

You know that good feeling when:

a) Your parents are away (presumably antiquing)
b) You've got the cartoon network on
c) Your feet are propped up on your pleather sofa

and

d) You've got about a pound of blow just waiting for you in the den...

That's an all right time, yeah? Well, that's early morning Saturday EvilBeet folks! It's like the Giant Pandas have mated for the year and we're in relax mode. In that same vein take a listen to a new song I'm imbibing by the Silversun Pickups.

Warning: If you are the short attention span type please note this song builds throughout; it's not your standard lyrics/refrain style of joint. So you have to wait until like two minutes in to start dancing around your living room.

But hurry, I think the 'rents might be headed home, exhausted from ottomans.

Timberlake on the Prowl

The evening JT is doing the double dip as host and musical guest so I'm throwing a little love his way with "The Barry Gibb Talk Show" skit. This is actually the second time he did this sketch with Jimmy Fallon, and if you've never seen it I think you may try and sleep with me, that's how delectable it is.

Ok, so enjoy, and pray they bring Fallon back from bagging groceries to do a third installment.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Fashion Victim of the Week



Oh Britney...what has happened to you my darling? I know that those Fedoras were really cool when you were dating Justin but they are a little dated now. Also...it looks like you cut off your skirt cause you peed on it. I love you girl, but you need to hire a 24/7 stylist/handler ect... Also, I can see your boobies in that shirt. Sometimes you don't want everything just hanging out honey. Leave something to our imagination.

Miss USA on Her Way Out?


Nothing beats a good beauty pageant scandal. Rumors have been flying this week that the current reigning Miss USA, 20-year-old Tara Conner of Kentucky, would be forced by pageant officials to forfeit her crown due to "innaproppriate behavior." Details on this behavior are hard to come by, but it seems, at the least, Conner has been downing alcohol beverages in a very underage manner in her home of New York City. Alleged infractions include "substance abuse, failing to make Miss USA promotional appearances, chafing at other obligations and nonstop nightclubbing at Big Apple hot spots" and generally behaving like a hot 20-year-old chick. Says one source: "She makes Paris Hilton look like a baby," which, in this blogger's opinion, is a more commendable feat than winning the Miss USA crown in the first place.


Donald Trump, who owns the Miss USA pageant, weighed in on the matter yesterday, stating that "reports that Miss USA is being 'dethroned' are absolutely not true. [Conner is] going through some personal problems and difficulties right now which could affect her ability to reign. We are right now looking into what we can do to work with her and what we will do about her reign going forward."


Today, TMZ reports that pageant reps have arrived at a solution: they're giving the crown to the first runner-up, Tamiko Nash of California. According to TMZ, Nash was contacted by a "high-ranking" pageant official and informed that she will take the crown when Trump makes the official announcement next week.


Trump is, of course, loving every minute of this, since this is the most attention his moribund Miss USA franchise has received since he took the reins in 2003. It's too bad it has to come at Tara Conner's expense.

[photo courtesy of Hollywood Tuna]

Angelina's on the Pill

The Good Shephard has been very good indeed to the celebrity gossip community, as it's forced Angelina Jolie to hit the interview circuit. Everywhere she stops she drives her skinny, beautiful, successful stake further into Jennifer Aniston's heart. Yesterday's brutalities took place on Good Morning America, where she shared with the world the trials and tribulations of adopting children from around the world and raising them with Brad Pitt.


"I want Mad (Maddox) to know that as our family grew and we all came together, we didn't just start having children, biological children. Yes, we have Shiloh and it's been a wonderful experience, but we want to find another brother or sister in the world for our family. I'm on the pill. You know, now the questions are more when you have a mixed-race family, do you balance the races so there's another African person in the house for Z? So there's another Asian person in the house for Mad? Shiloh has Brad and I she can look at. What's best for the children as they grow? ... We don't just want to have different children from different countries. That's not the point."


She continues to rave about Pitt and the kids: "He really enjoys them. He woke up very, very early this morning and let me sleep in because I had this interview. ... Dealing with the two girls and bottles and food, which is not easy to do, on his own, for quite a few hours this morning so I could rest. ... He's just a really great partner, a great, great man."


Angelina added: "It must be really sad to be Jennifer. I mean, she's all alone again, since Vince cheated on her with a sorority girl with teeth the size of my arm, and she'll probably never get to have kids of her own, and it's not like she's made a half-decent movie, well, ever. If I were her I'd probably just kill myself. Take a bunch of pills or something. Just let it all end. Have I mentioned that Brad is a really wonderful man? We are so, so happy together. So happy. Sooooooo happy. Happy, happy, happy. HAPPY!"

BREAKING: Tom Brady and Bridget Moynahan Were Dating!


They're not anymore, apparently.

According to a Moynahan rep:

"(They) amicably ended their three-year relationship several weeks ago. We ask for your respect and consideration of their privacy. No further comments will be made."

Tom Brady is that total hottie who also plays football, and Moynahan is that little tramp who married Big on Sex and the City.

Live Free or Die Hard: The Teaser Trailer

It's heeere!! The latest installment of the Die Hard -- um -- quadrilogy? -- is set to hit theaters in July 2007. The teaser trailer has arrived. Shit will explode. Cars will crash. Bruce Willis will march to the beat of his own drummer. And it will be good.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Golden Globe Me

The Golden Globe Nominations have been announced.

I don't know who the Hollywood Foreign Press is, I've never met a member, no one has, and I assume they run around with assault rifles in countries that are still developing economies.

Nevertheless, we look to them each year as an indicator of what will be Oscar chosen and what might be left out. Let's take a look at some of the themes in this year's nominations:

Theme 1: Dear Clint Eastwood, would you please have sex with us?

He received two noms for best director. Break that down. Of the five best movies for 2006 Clint was at the helm for two of them. Garbage. Flags of Our Fathers was a film that no one went to see; those that did came away scratching their heads and inquiring as to whether they could have their money back.

Theme 2: Leo DiCaprio, any chance you need some sexual healing?

Two noms for our boy Leo too. These are a little more reasonable given the films he was in were actually watchable but still, two nominations for the same guy? Ballsy call, Globes, courage defined over there.

Theme 3: We foreign press guys know about more films than you could ever dream of Yanqui slime!
Let me name some films for you. Kinky Boots. Miss Potter. Nomad. Little Children. Okay, you might have heard of Little Children but you sure as hell didn't see it because no one in the entire country did. Fucking Kinky BOOTS???

Theme 4: We also have a deeper cinematic knowledge than you can ever hope to!
Movies aren't for entertainment, they're to make us feel superior. And that's why we like Babel.

So yeah, it's another banner year for award nominations, where the continuing theme seems to be "Hey, you, look at us!"

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Late-Night Links (Back in Late Night)

Uh-oh. Looks like Nicole Richie's going to jail for this latest DUI. And just when Joel Madden was getting laid for the first time in three years... [TMZ]

Britney's new boyfriend can't get into Hyde. Also, if you'd like to dress up as a douchebag next Halloween, you can pretty much just use the outfit he wore to The Ivy this week. Everyone will totally be like "Oh, I get it. You're a douchebag." [Celebitchy]

Katharine McPhee in OK magazine. I don't know why I love her so much, but I do. [Pop on the Pop]

Jude Law plans to take his children to a South African orphanage for Christmas, to demonstrate that it is better to have a daddy who leaves your mother for a 22-year-old who he then cheats on with the nanny than it is to have no daddy at all. [Junkiness]

It is possible that Paris Hilton does cocaine. And by "possible" I of course mean "more of a sure thing than Tara Reid on St. Patrick's Day." [Celebrity Smack]

Finally! Someone moves away from character assassination and just plain attempts to assassinate Janice Dickinson. My money's on a former Top Model contestant. [Hollyscoop]

Lacey All Grown Up




Lacey Chabert is this month's Maxim hottie. Now Lacey is a good girl and I'm glad they didn't make her talk about anything too dirty. I really know from a very good source that she is a nice Southern Belle so I wouldn't have wanted to hear any of that weird Maxim banter coming from her.
She posed this month to promote her new movie, "Black Christmas," which is described as a "sorority slay flick." I really hope that her career takes off because, in my personal opinion, she was the best part of "Mean Girls." Take it away Lacey, I'd rather see you on screen than Lindsay Lohan any day.

Here is my favorite quote from the article when asked about her favorite pick up line Lacey says,

"At least be creative. None of this, That shirt will really look good on my floor,' or, 'All those curves and no brakes?' Somebody said that to me in Target. I was like, 'First of all, we’re in Target. Second of all, that’s so cheesy!' I couldn’t help but laugh, though."

How adorable is she! (and for you boys, yes...she is quite hot)

How Lucky is This Guy?



So all of you are familiar with "Girls Gone Wild." You know, the videos where drunk young girls show off their goodies for the camera. The owner of the GGW empire, Joe Francis, keeps escaping jail time for doing some very very shady things. He's been accused of drug trafficking, child pornography, racketeering, fraud, among other things and has yet to spend time in jail.

His most recent legal woe was that people finally realized that perhaps some of those young girls on his videos were not of age. A few under-18 ladies came forth and accused Joe, and his videos of runing their lives. I do really have no sympathy for drunken girls that get naked on camera and then use the "I was really wasted" excuse but there is no way that any images of girls who are under the legal age should be used in a soft-core porn video. His company fessed up to not monitoring the ages of the girls used in the videos (I guess he casually asked them "You are 18, right?) and paid $1.6 million dollars in fines while Francis simply got community service. I love that his company plead guilty to using UDERAGE GIRLS in PORN VIDEOS and only have to pay out an estimated 3 percent of their profits since 2002. Yes, that is how much those videos make a year. This is the reason why you always see Joe in his private jet, and why he has befriended the Hollyslut set of Paris, Niki, Lindsay, Brandon, Stavros, ect...
This guy is one lucky dude. This is a really sketchy business and so far, the company that distributes the videos, Mantra Films Inc., has taken the brunt of the resposibility for Joe's bad judgement.
Once more Joe Francis is off the hook. Boob flashing continues this Spring in Florida and beyond.

We at the Beet have not been the biggest Joe Francis supporters. He is lame, exploits women, and really is so 2001.

For the LA Times Article that started the backlash, click [here]
[source]

Britney and Paris Aren't Lovers

Good news.

Although:

In a recent photograph, Hilton looked very much like she was stroking Spears' upper thigh.
Hilton's rep dismissed a possible lesbian love affair with a curt:
“They are friends and you will continue to see them together. Paris thinks the world of her.”
Honestly, if they were caught making out the entire internet would shut down. So let's pray this doesn't blossom into something more serious than a little "thigh stroking." We've all casually stroked the upper thighs of our friends. I'm doing it right now. Move along people.

C'mon Jerks, Know Your "Partying Ethics"

It is on like Donkey Kong!

Paris Hilton has rushed to the defense of Britney Spears and fans of idiotic quotes the whole world round are rejoicing. Please folks, give her some room here.

"For people to call out her parenting skills on behalf of her partying ethics is appalling," Hilton wrote (on her MySpace blog).
Yes, it is appalling to call out a mother of two for being out all night getting housed. How silly of us. And I'm sure one day her children will gleefully look back on when their momma abstained from the merest hint of modesty.

Also, just knowing she has a set of "partying ethics" makes me warm and fuzzy about the whole thing. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go exercise my "Meth Morals."

Original Dreamgirl Not So Dreamy


Sometimes I just don't know what to make of the celeb sense of entitlement. Given, I write for a celeb blog, so I generally take a scalpel to it, but overall afterwards I'm left with a surly look on my face over how jacked up our culture occasionally seems.

And now this nonsense.

Jennifer Holliday, the original Tony Award winning actress from the Broadway musical Dreamgirls feels slighted by the movie version.

Holliday said she was particularly heartbroken when friends told her that it is her version of "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," the show's trademark song, that plays in one of the film's trailers. In other words, her voice is being used to sell a production that had shut her out.
They own the rights to the song. And you won a Tony award when you were 21 years of age. Jennifer Hudson is 26. Maybe someone else deserves some critical acclaim. Would it have been smarter for them to use the Hudson version? Sure, it's a great performance. But it's their markerting department's call. Maybe they wanted to appeal to the original audience too. Who knows? How is this a knock on you? If anything it's a compliment. The article continues:
"Why is it necessary for them to wipe out my existence in order for them to have their success?" Holliday said. "It's scary that they can be so cruel. I know it's business, but why do they have to go to this extreme? I'm a human being. I need to work too. Why do I have to die to make them a winner?"
How is it cruel? And how the hell is she "dying?" What does she deserve, a cameo? It's Paramount's production and they wanted to start fresh. A movie is not a musical. Besides that, you've built a career out of your original Dreamgirls performance and when it wins the Oscar for best picture (which, having seen it, I can tell you it will) you'll get even more attention for your original portrayal. You should be thanking your lucky stars that work you did 20 years ago is still relevant. Most artists would KILL to be you.

The article goes on to say that life is now imitating art because the story of Dreamgirls involves how harsh the music industry can be. As a footnote it mentions that Holliday was difficult to work with in the original stage play, has been uncooperative with Paramount, and has declined to see a screening of the movie.

Speaking from experience I can tell you Paramount would have used her if possible. They use everyone. I've damn near interviewed grips for big buzz movies. The fact that they've turned their backs on her means something. That "something" is that she wanted the new Dreamgirls to be all about her. Well it's not.

It's high time for a new star to shine, my girl Jennifer Hudson. She's fantastic in this role and it's a shame that petty jealousy doesn't allow someone else to see that. Hudson will also win an Oscar here and I'd bet the house she pays homage to Holliday. That's what people with class do.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Shiloh the Sexpot






From a new photo shoot for Hello magazine. Damn, she's already got that seductive off-in-the-distance pout down. Are you guys sooo excited for when she and Jayden Federline have sex? I AM!

It's Like, Yeah, Motherfucker, I've Got Seven Days


We heard it from some jackass in a meeting.* We heard it from her mother. We heard it from her publicist. Now we're hearing it from Lindsay Lohan herself:

"I just left an AA meeting," she told People magazine. "I haven't had a drink in seven days. Or anything."

"I've been going to AA for a year by the way," she added. "I'm not even legal to, so why would I? I don't drink when I go to clubs. [Ed: Yeah, right] I drink with my friends at home, but there's no need to. I feel better not drinking. It's more fun. I have Red Bull."

When asked why she was attending meetings, Lindsay said "I was like, `I don't want to be written about at these clubs with these people. I work, I act, I have a living. That's what I do every day. I work every single day."

I'm actually not going to be snarky about this, because we bitch and moan about what drunken assholes these celebs are all the time, so now that one of them is taking steps to address the underlying issues, I'm not going to bitch and moan about it. Rock on, Linds, and keep coming back.



* For the record, I've decided that the "eyewitness" who saw Lohan in an AA meeting in Los Angeles was probably her publicist, trying to rehab her reputation. If Page Six ran a story every time they got a report that an A- or B-list celeb showed up at an AA meeting, they wouldn't have column space to print anything else. And I don't think they're such huge assholes that they'd take it upon themselves to sacrifice her anonymity. The U.S. media is typically pretty responsible about that sort of thing.

Borat Frat Boys' Case Dismissed


A judge dismissed the case against the two frat boys who sued the producers of Borat for their negative portrayal in the film, claiming they were inebriated and misled when they signed the release forms.

The students alleged that their portrayal in the film (as the horrible racist freaks that they are) was costing them employment opportunities and very important frat positions (isn't that an oxymoron?).

The judge ruled that they had failed to show a reasonable probability of success based on the merits of their case.

How Did We Miss This?

With our watch on everything Rosie I'm not sure how this slipped by my Spiteful radar, but here you go, Rosie letting us know that the Chinese language mostly consists of "Ching" and "Chong." Thanks to Defamer for the tip.

Brit's New Man


And we begin, per usual, with the time-tested opener for Britney-related pieces: Oops! She did it again! Britney Spears is hooking up with the help. The 'razzi snapped pictures of her sucking face (while sucking a cigarette) with music producer Jonathan "J.R." Rotem. Rotem is working with Spears on her new album, and also worked with ... wait for it ... Kevin Federline, on Playing with Fire. Federline had Rotem as one of his top MySpace friends until Monday, when he was removed from the list.


This seems to be a pattern for Britney. When she and Justin Timberlake split, one billion years ago, it was widely assumed (although never confirmed by either party), that it was because she cheated on him with Wade Robson, who choreographed both her tour and *NSYNC's. So maybe Brit just has a thing for men who work for both her and her previous dudes. Because, um, I've seen pics of this Rotem kid, and I can't imagine she has a thing for his face. But whatevs.


Anyway, Rotem wasted no time in hitting up Hyde, now that he's famous and all. TMZ has video. Rock on, Britney.

Jolie Will Steal Your Man, Then Welcome a Sitdown

I think we all should fear Angelina Jolie just a little bit. Not in the way that cripples thought, but more like a "I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to nuts. My throat is constricting. This Apple Brown Betty has nuts in it doesn't it?" sort of thing.

Well, she's given me a little more reason not to mess with her in an interview with Vogue. Personal aside, why is she doing interviews with Vogue? Aren't they part of the system? Have they adopted children I'm not aware of? Rant over.

Jolie initially denies that she has met Aniston, but she clarifies herself. "We've, like, passed each other and said 'hi' briefly, shook hands. But not a real sit-down-and-talk kind of meeting." Will they have a proper meeting? "That would be her decision, and I would welcome it."
Sigh. Now I have more questions. What exactly would a proper meeting entail? "Yeah, so anyway, Brad and I are traveling the globe in search of new children we can both take care of. He said life with you was hell. We done here?"

I mean this is a chick who has sported a vial of blood around her neck. I don't think Jen is looking to grab a quick mochachino. Hell, I'm shocked she even survived the hand shake.

Ha Ha Matt, You Silly Goose

I've heard this rumor before but this is the first time someone has dared publish it online so now I'm officially concerned. The rumor is this: Matt Damon as Captain Kirk in a movie. Yikes. Matt, I pray it was just insider courtesy talk when you said:

"I heard that [rumor]. I think J.J. Abrams or somebody said that at press junket or something, and it got picked up... If the script was good, I'd do it."
Now Matt is a fine actor, and I like the majority of films he's been in. But you can't go down the Captain Kirk path man. You'll never make it back. Think of how many other movie roles Shatner has landed. Keep thinking. Okay stop, because there aren't any. This Kirk think is bigger than us all Matt, it will eat you alive. Gone will be the cherry dramatic roles you so love, replaced with oddball camp crapola.

Come back to the light Matt. Don't go to any galaxies that are far far away.

Fine, if you must appear in Star Trek than at least be Spock. Nimoy was hot as hell.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Nicole Richie DUI Audio

TMZ has obtained the audio from Nicole Richie's DUI arrest early Monday morning. The 911 tape contains not one but two separate motorists calling in to report an SUV driving the wrong way on the Los Feliz on-ramp to the 134. Listen to it here.

Late-Night Links

Jennifer Aniston leaves an L.A. club through the back door with none other than Kevin Federline. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! [Celebitchy]

Sharon Stone outrages and offends the population of Norway. "Now you know how we feel," says the population of America. [Perez Hilton]

Pam Anderson got naked in front of a camera, because that's how she spends her time when she's not getting married impulsively. [Agent Bedhead]

Since her 2003 arrest for heroin possession, Nicole Richie has apparently lost an inch of height and five pounds. Also, she's black now. [Mollygood]

Queen Latifah and her girlfriend, trainer Jeanette Jenkins, are reportedly jogging towards splitsville. But, hey, at least she's jogging. [Bossip]

Paris and Nicky Hilton having an ass-slappin' good time in the back of a limo. [Egotastic]

Rock Star of the Day Award Goes To...

My brilliant, beautiful, amazing friend Desirae, who has graciously lent me her laptop for the week since mine decided to have a complete crisis of self (and CPU) smack in the middle of finals week. THANK YOU DESIRAE! I LOVE YOU!

Very close runners-up are Evil T and Spiteful Lars, who have been keeping this thing going smoothly while I have been computer-deficient. Even when my computer is running too slowly for me to post, it perks up my day and makes me laugh out loud (in a good way) to read what they've posted. I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO!!!

We should be back to normal around here in the next couple of days. Thank you all for reading. Mwah!

-The Beet

Jennifer Hudson Rocks it Out Like The Star She is Soon To Become

Wanna hear the song that has made audiences stand up and cheer during "Dreamgirls?" Jennifer Hudson singing "I'm Telling You I'm Not Going" is really a religious experience. That girl is so f-ing good. Beyonce who???

Say Cheese!



Here is the picture that you have been waiting for. Nicole Richie's mugshot. Now I love celebrity mugshots...love them. I had some moments, before I disovered the beauty of today's celebrity blogs, that I would spend hours looking through "The Smoking Gun." My favorite thing about this is how spaced out she looks. The look on her face makes me think this is her train of thought

My daddy's gonna get you policemen...he wrote lots of famous songs...Paris didn't get in trouble why should I?...I might be messed up but look my my sideswept bangs...got any coke boys?...I'm famous...and wayyyy skinner that you will ever be...HAHAHAHAAHAH


The girl has had a past of drug abuse and I'm guessing that soon we will see her on the cover of People saying "My Road To Recovery: Nicole Richie Speaks Out About Her Struggle With Drugs." There will be pictures of her and her dogs playing outside and lots of "I'm really better, promise I am" quotations.

Paris Snubbed by Another Greek Family



According to Page Six this morning, Stavros's parents are none too happy that their son might be close to getting engaged to Paris Hilton. After speculation that Paris's first engagement ended because of parental disapproval this isn't too much of a shocker. Nice families want their rich sons to marry boring heirs, not American fame whores. A source quoted by Page Six said, "[Stavros's parents] refused to meet her last year when Paris and Stavros had dated for a while. Paris even followed him and his family to Hawaii, where they go every New Year's, and they still wouldn't meet her. They think she's tacky." I think everyone thinks she is tacky to be perfectly honest. I promise you that Paris and Stavros will never make it down the aisle. I wonder who is going to be the father of her brood of babies that she keeps threatening to have? K-Fed perhaps? He seems to be quite the stud horse.

We Wish You a Creepy Christmas

From our friends at MollyGood. Here is "Trapped in the Clauset," a holiday parody of the R. Kelly epic. It is really really disturbing, but so is the fact that Nicole Richie was driving on THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD. Let me just tell you that it involves Jesus banging Santa's woman. It crosses the line...and that's why the Beet is featuring it for you today.
Here is the first video. Click here to see the rest of the trilogy.

Monday Morning Music



For this Monday I am feeling quite happy. It might be the fact that New York is just adorable during the holidays, or it just might be Corrine Bailey Rae. She has been popping up everywhere from MTV to "Studio 60" and now her song "Put Your Records On" is on a constant loop on my ipod. It is such a happy song, and really will put you in a good mood during the holidays if you tend to go towards the dark side when you have to spend time with your crazy family. I love it and I hope you do to. She is nominated for a Grammy for Best New Artist and I'm sure we will hear a lot more from this singer/songwriter.

Nicole Richie Still Trying to Be More Like Paris Hilton

While La Lohan appears to have stepped aboard the sobriety wagon, Miss Nicole Richie has fallen way, way off. Nicole, who has struggled with substance abuse for as long as you've heard of her, was arrested for DUI early Monday morning. Her SUV was spotted going the wrong way on the 134 in Burbank. That's right, folks: it's not that she was swerving, it's that she was going the wrong way on the freeway. Two motorists called 911, and, when cops got to Nicole, she was stopped in the carpool lane, talking on her cell phone. She admitted she had taken Vicodin and smoked pot, although a preliminary screening revealed she had not been drinking. Her booking sheet reveals she is 5'1" and 85 pounds.

Sadly, CHP has decided they won't be releasing Richie's mugshot.



Welcome to the celebrity DUI club, Nicole. It's good to have you.


Update: What was Nicole Richie doing driving through Burbank at 4 o'clock in the morning? Heading back from Glendale, it seems, where new boyfriend Joel Madden lives. (Joel and Hilary Duff broke up, like, 5 minutes ago.) Cute.

Sienna Miller, Call Me.


I'm a fan of Sienna Miller. I don't know if it was her work in Layer Cake or the beating she took on the Jude Law thing but I've been quietly pulling for her. Well, here is a fun interview The interview is very long and somewhat of a puff piece but I did enjoy this tidbit:

(on breaking up with Jude Law) "There were times when I felt like it was all just too much to deal with," she recalls, declining to share the details. (Miller admits that she's tried therapy, but after angrily calling the therapist a "cow" in response to a particularly difficult question in the first session, she was told she was still in trauma and not ready for analysis. She has not been back since.
Okay, that's good fun. I can't imagine how this came up but my imagination is running wild. "Sienna, do you think you are attracted to Jude because you're having trouble with how your dad treated your mom?" (pause for Sienna to puff on a cig) "You Cow!!" I'm guessing she may never be ready for therapy. Don't sweat it sister, the great ones defy analysis. Consider me still pulling for you.

Oh, one last thing, the interview mostly deals with her role in Factory Girl, a role that Katie Holmes was attached to at some point in the production but allegedly pulled out of due to the risque level and the fact that she's slowly preparing for when she's beamed to a new planet.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Dakota Fanning Needs to Brush up on Her Grammar


Dakota Fanning, age 12, gave Time magazine the following quote for this week's issue: "I would love to direct someday. I've learned a lot from watching directors I've worked with [sic], like Steven Spielberg and Gary Winick, whom I worked with [sic] on Charlotte's Web. I would love to have that relationship with another actor."

Oh, sweet Dakota, age 12. While I always appreciate the correct objective use of a relative pronoun, you used a terminal preposition in the first clause of that sentence, and misplaced another in the second. Your sentence, if you were really that smart, should read like this:

"I've learned a lot from watching directors with whom I've worked, like Steven Spielberg and Gary Winnick, with whom I worked on Charlotte's Web. Mommy, can I have my childhood back?"

Seriously, Dakota, if you want to be a director, you should really learn how to write an English sentence first. Don't they even bother to homeschool you? Sheesh.

Charlotte's Web opens next month, and Fanning's independent film, Hound Dog, will be screened at Sundance in January.

Cleaning up the Weekend

After almost days of searching, the paparazzi catch Nicole Richie and Joel Madden together. Take that, Hilary Duff. Now you're left all alone with your hyper-successful, talent-driven career and your consistently positive media image. They sure showed you. [X17]

Paris. Miami. Stavros. [Hollyscoop]

With Paris Hilton safely on another coast, Lindsay Lohan appears to have put together several days of sobriety. Rock on. [Page Six]

Ellen Pompeo thinks she would look really good if she could just manage to put on five or ten more pounds. I think Ellen Pompeo would look really good with a black eye and a few broken ribs. [A Socialite's Life]

Pics of the Jolie-Pitts, sans Shiloh, in NYC. [Mollygood]

Beyonce's not the only one pissed that Jennifer Hudson got the role of Effie in Dreamgirls. But at least Fantasia Barrino will cop to it. [Snarky Gossip]

Friday, December 08, 2006

Fashion Victim of the Week



Lindsay, you made it too easy for me this week. I really thought I would go outside the box and find some D list celebrity to make fun of but then I saw this. Nobody should wear a jumpsuit unless they are fixing your toilet. I don't care if this jumpsuit cost $2,500. Linsday has been looking really bloated these days and wearing a shapeless jumpsuit really doesn't help to quell the rumors that she is plumping up. I miss Linsday when she had red hair and wore jeans and t-shirts. No matter how hard she tries, she is no fashionista.

Lindsay Lohan: Corrected


From our friends at GoFugYourself....this is too wonderful for words. Someone actually grammatically corrects Lindsay's incoherent email about Al Gore and Aliens or whatever. I love how she thinks that she is famous enough that politicians will really care that people badmouth her in the press. I hope she knows that all of her "bad publicity" is the only reason why she is famous. It isn't for her stellar acting chops. Honestly hon, since "Mean Girls" it has just been downhill.

Girl is a nutcase. To see how smart Lindsay is, click here.

Snipes Surrenders

Wesley Snipes, who was indicted in October for tax evasion, surrendered himself to Feds this morning at the Orlando airport. Snipes pleaded not guilty on all charges, and says he looks "forward to clearing my name and resolving this issue post haste."

Last month, Snipes authored a Lohan-style letter to a columnist at the Orlando Sentinel, comparing his arrest to rape and implying that the actions of the Federal government were racist. He and Lindsay should team up and just start issuing these rambling, accusatory statements jointly. Snipes could be in charge of making sure that "adequate" is always spelled correctly, and Lindsay could make sure the letters get into the hands of the New York Post's editors, rather than floundering at some smallish Florida paper. It's the Dream Team of crazy!


The charges carry a maximum of 16 years in federal lock-up for Snipes.

Women Take Note



This seems just mean to post but I just have to. According to a two year study by the Indian Council of Medical Research, "about 60% of Indian men have penises which are between three and five centimetres shorter than international standards used in condom manufacture." Because of this problem, the Council is suggesting that condom manufacturers provide India with a varying range of condom sizes. This actually is a serious problem in India because of the high rate of STDs and AIDS which is sweeping the continent. According to a BBC news article posted today, "the issue is serious because about one in every five times a condom is used in India it either falls off or tears, an extremely high failure rate." Somehow, this whole overpopulation issue in India is starting to make a lot more sense to me. Poor guys, this really doesn't bode well for the reputation of Indian men in the bedroom.
In a wonderful response to this study, Sunil Mehra, the former editor of Maxim India stated,

"It's not size, it's what you do with it that matters. From our population, the evidence is Indians are doing pretty well. With apologies to the poet Alexander Pope, you could say, for inches and centimetres, let fools contend."

There goes my dream of a three way with Harold and Kumar.

Borat Boys Want Their Scene Cut

Now here's something you don't hear a lot of around Hollywood: someone actually asking to have their scene cut. The frat boys who sued 20th Century Fox and the producers of Borat last month have asked a judge to order that their scene be removed from all future copies of the film. While the students signed releases allowing themselves to be used in the footage, they argue that they were drunk and misled when they signed them. The film footage shows the boys making racist statements.

The judge did not issue a ruling on Thursday, but will take the matter under advisement. "I don't see people falling down or unable to articulate what they were saying," he said. The students' lawyer argues that the boys have lost opportunities as a result of being portrayed so negatively in the film. He says one was forced out of a prominent position within his fraternity, and the other missed out on a "prestigious internship" because of the film. "There are a lot of real-life problems raised by the movie," he said.

"It's like the Mel Gibson defense," said an attorney for 20th Century Fox. "I only say the things I did when I've had a few drinks."

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Early Evening Links

Jennifer Hudson looooooves gay sex now. [A Socialite's Life]

Tom Cruise seems to have figured out that being seen with Oprah Winfrey, under any circumstance, is only going to ignite the batshit-crazy vibe he'd like to quell. [Celebitchy]

Nicole Richie's snatching up Hilary Duff's sloppy seconds. [Yeeeah!]

Gwen Stefani: still naming things L.A.M.B. Up now: perfume. [Glitterati]

Live-blogging the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. [Film.com]

Grammy Noms are Out



Hey y'all, if you are looking for the Grammy Nominees click here.

Here are some highlights!

*Imogen Heap, one of our "Monday Morning Music" artists is nominated for Best New Artist along with James Blunt, Chris Brown, Corinne Bailey Rae (who is amazing), and one of my favorite Idol winners, Carrie Underwood.

*Ladysmith Black Mambazo...remember this from mean girls, when Lohan's momma in the movie goes "But you LOVE Ladysmith Black Mambazo"...well, they are a real group and are nominated in the World Music Category for Best Contemporary World Music Album.

*Mary J. Blige leads the nominations with eight! One of her nominations is for "One" which she recorded with U2's Bono. If you haven't listened to this, download it right now because it is amazing.

*The Red Hot Chili Peppers are rockin it this year with six nominations.

*JT has four nominations for his album "FutureSex/LoveSounds." Other artists with four nods are Beyoncé, Bryan-Michael Cox, Gnarls Barkley, Israel Houghton, T.I. James Blunt, the Dixie Chicks, John Mayer, Danger Mouse, Prince, Rick Rubin, will.i.am and John Williams each earn five nods.

*That awful song "My Humps" is nominated. Honestly that could possibly be the worst song I've ever heard.

*There are wayyyy to many categories to post a full list of the nominations but check it out for some new tunes. Obviously "Grey's" soundtrack music is all over the Grammy nods so I really do hope they win for their Soundtrack.

49th Annual GRAMMY Awards will be held on "GRAMMY Sunday," Feb. 11, at Staples Center in Los Angeles and once again will be broadcast live in high-definition TV and 5.1 surround sound on CBS from 8 – 11:30 p.m. (ET/PT).

You bet the Beet will give you full coverage, it possibly will include nip slips and crotch shots but here at the Beet we also take time to sit back and enjoy the music.

SIGN THE LOHANIFESTO

Step up! Be a man! If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.

Lindsay Lohan needs you to join her cause. She is definitely against something, and she is definitely willing to fight for it, and she definitely NEEDS AND WANTS YOUR HELP. The exact nature of this cause is inconclusive right now, but who cares? Al Gore and the Clinton Administration have already lent it their full support. Come on board!

SIGN THE LOHANIFESTO!

Britney Aint Trying To Hear It


She's back, and posting on her blog. Ms. Britney Spears, the lady for whom a thousand blogger ships were launched, has posted a quasi apology, quasi "whatevs" on her personal site.

Quoth Brits:

"Every move I make at this point has been magnified more than I expected, and I probably did take my new found freedom a little too far."

Yes, you probably did my sweet flower (who shows her sweet flower). Ominously she ends with:

"I look forward to a new year, new music and a new me, I'm just getting started."
So, yes, full on porn in the '07!

The Triumvirate of Darkenss...Put to Music

Since we are on a "geez, these girls are nuts" bender right now, here is a fun little video of pics of the Triumverate of Darkness, "Linsday, Paris, and Brit Brit." It is short and amusing.
Here is a wrap up of why I am posting this.
1) Britney shows va jay jay, also gets photographed just being drunk and crazy.
2) Paris says because she cares after her harem of rat dogs and other animals ie- she has her grandparents take care of them, she would like to get sperminated asap so she can have 4 kids in 5 years.
3) Linsday sends this letter to the press...

Pols Won't Touch LiLo with a 10-Foot Pole


So after reading the drunk-ass email LiLo sent out last night, I was thinking, "Did anyone think to ask Al Gore for comment?"


YES!




I LOVE TMZ!


Genius, genius, genius!


They contacted his rep for comment.


"I can confirm for you that Mr. Gore has only met Ms. Lohan once, very briefly, at the GQ Men of the Year dinner last week. There were hundreds of other guests."


And just because they rock that much, they contacted Barack Obama's rep. Obama was not even mentioned in Lohan's email, but he'll be running against Hillary Clinton, who was. TMZ asked him if he had any advice as to whether Hillary should help Lindsay out.


"I don't think we have any comment on that," said an aide. TMZ continued to press the issue. "We're going to take a pass," insisted the aide.


Ha ha ha ha ha.


Soooo amazing.

Scary Spice Strikes Back

Scary Spice Mel B., who is clearly not dating Eddie Murphy anymore, responded to his very public allegations that the baby she's carrying may not be his:


"I am obviously upset and distressed at some of the comments made by Eddie Murphy to the media. I have no idea why anybody would want to conduct themselves in this kind of manner about such a personal matter in such a public way. My main concern is for the well being of my daughter Phoenix and of course the baby. I was astonished what Eddie said - there is absolutely no question that Eddie is the father. My main concern is to concentrate on the well being of my daughter and baby."




Sobriety Maybe Not Going So Well for LiLo


She sent out another one of her crazy-ass drunk/high/whatever emails. From Page Six:


LINDSAY Lohan is preparing to clean up her image and go to war with the media with the help of a high-powered friend - former Vice President Al Gore.

"Al Gore will help me. He came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me," Lohan wrote last week in a rambling, semi-literate e-mail to her friends and lawyers.

In the bizarre message read by Page Six, Lohan burbled, "If he is willing to help me, let's find out. Hilary [sic] Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan Metroplis [sic], and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK."

Lohan was apparently inspired to send out the e-mail by a Page Six item on her "mean girls diva fit" at a GQ magazine party in L.A. Referring to a supermarket tabloid report claiming she had overdosed on drugs, she wrote, "Let's sue the tabloids for saying the things they say. Defamation of character."

Invoking what she puzzlingly calls the "way of the future-Howard Hughes," her desire is to "release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite [sic] letter to the press."

Lohan says she wants to state her opinions on "how our society should be educated for the better of our country. Our people . . . because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see."

Lohan then mentions taking a mystery person she refers to as "LR" to court for "what she's done to me.

"It's my life. I want to live it. People cannot lie and think that it is okay to continue on having done so. I have had many ups and downs, as do we all. But to make false accusations to one girl is unjust in my opinion. I am willing to do anything I need to get my life the way it should be."

Lohan said she wanted to "hold a press conference" and "will do anything necessary to do so." She said she is at "such a young and tender age in a woman's life. It's enough already, I've had enough and I am going to be the one to make a change."

Lohan's representative, Leslie Sloane Zelnik, had no comment.


Perez thinks the "LR" refers to Lindsay Ratowski, LiLo's former assistant. They did not part on good terms. I believe Ratowski is now Jessica Biel's assistant, and Lohan threw some sort of fit a couple of weeks ago when she ran into Ratowski with Biel at a party (that may be the GQ item in question).

Poor Leslie Sloane Zelnick. I'm sure it really sucks to get out of bed on days like this.

Update: Defamer has the full text of the email.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

And You Thought the TomKat Wedding Was Over...


Tom Cruise and Kate Cruise (apparently that's what we're supposed to call her now, as the last shreds of her adorable, likable Joey Potter-ness have at last been phased out) are going to have yet another wedding reception here in Los Angeles. This one's for the folks who couldn't be bothered to trek out to Italy for the mediafest that was their original wedding. The party will be held at the Beverly Hills estate of Paula Wagner, who is Cruise's producing partner.


Tom and Kate (uggggh I hate calling her that) are freshly back to the States after their 13-day honeymoon in the Maldives. The older Cruise kids (the ones that call Nicole Kidman mom, when she makes her annual phone call) weren't invited, but Suri tagged along, ostensibly because, away from the watchful eye of TomKat, she may be prone to DNA tests and other evil tools of science. Says a source: "It was a family occasion. They played with Suri all the time, filming her on a camcorder."

Early Evening Links

Can you believe I got these things up before 10 pm?? GO ME!!!

Jennifer Hudson needs additional media training. [Defamer]

Mario Lopez and Dancing with the Stars partner Katrina Smirnoff are doing the horizontal tango, if you know what I mean. [MollyGood]

Reese Witherspoon('s breasts) look amazing at the Kennedy Center Honors. [Yeeeah!]

Jen and Vince's reps join forces to put the final nail in the Vaughniston coffin: "Jennifer and Vince mutually agreed to end their relationship." The reps admit the two broke up in October, after Jen visited Vince in London. So, you know, right around when the blogosphere said they did. [Dirty Laundry]

Paul Walker has no need for talent. Good thing, too. [Celebrity Smack]

Scarlett Johansson: "Please masturbate to me. I want you to. I need you to. Do it three, four, five times a day. Before bed, in the morning, at the office, at your children's day care, between rounds of golf, in front of your girlfriend, at your mother's house, in the boss's office, in the cafeteria, onto the mashed potatoes, anywhere, everywhere, I don't care, just as long as you're masturbating to me." [Agent Bedhead]

Lance Bass says that he and Reichen are still trying to work things out. He made the statement via MySpace, which is totally Hollywood's hottest PR agency right now. [ICYDK]

Photos from Johnny Depp's first wedding in 1983. [popbytes]

Perez Hilton on Howard Stern

This is a recap of Perez Hilton's visit to Howard Stern's Sirius radio show this morning, via MarksFriggin.com. I've posted the whole recap here for those interested, but have bolded what I feel are the most interesting tidbits. If you heard the show, and there's something missing here, email us or leave it in the comments!

Howard said that he gets a copy of The Onion newspaper every morning and it's pretty funny. He read some of the headlines and an article that he thought was pretty good. He had to get to Perez Hilton (PerezHilton.com) but Fred told him he had to take a break first. A short time later Will came walking in with Perez so Howard asked Will if he actually listens to the show out there. He told Perez to just come in and sit down since he was already in there.


Howard asked Perez if he's getting famous now that he's got this web site going on because he sees him hanging with Paris Hilton and other young celebrities out there. Perez said that he wasn't popular in school, he had kids picking on him and grabbing his back fat when he was in an all boy's school.

Perez said he now has like 4 million people checking out his web site every day so the site is huge. Howard said that it's obvious that he will never bad mouth Paris Hilton because she's his friend. Perez said he still gets calls from her when she gets mad at something he writes.

Howard asked Perez what the last thing was that Paris got upset about. Perez said that it was a cartoon of her that she didn't like. [Ed: I seem to remember a cartoon on there a few days ago of Lindsay, Paris and Britney, bare-bottomed, but it's nowhere to be found now...anyone else remember this?] Howard said he read that there are rumors that Britney Spears and Paris Hilton might be lesbians. Perez said that he wouldn't be surprised at all because both of them have said they like girls. Perez said that they probably have eaten each other out. Howard asked him if he's ever smelled pussy on Paris' breath. Perez said he wouldn't even know what pussy would smell like.

Howard asked Perez if he thinks that Britney is having a break down because she's out partying and flashing her beaver everywhere. Perez said that Britney has been a party girl for a long time and while she was married she was pregnant so now she's back to partying again. That's all it is. Howard said he saw the pictures of Britney Spears' vagina on Perez's web site and it looked like there was an odd piece of flesh down there. Perez said that she may have had a tummy tuck and that might be what the skin was.

Howard said that Beth goes on his web site like 4 or 5 times a day and she shows him what's new. Perez said that the last time he was on the show he had broken the news that Lance Bass was coming out. That same day Lance announced it. Perez said that Lance has now broken up with his boyfriend and he feels bad about that. Howard read that Perez thinks that they broke up because they were both ''bottoms'' in the relationship. Perez said he has friends who know the two of them so he hears things.

Howard asked what happens if two gay guys are bottoms. Perez said that sometimes the best tops used to be bottoms. He said he's not a bottom himself.

Howard asked Perez about his web site and how he confirms his stories. Perez said he does like to confirm stuff before he puts them up. Howard said he saw Perez arguing with a photographer one time over the use of their photographs. Perez said that some of them like him and actually send him the pictures. Perez said that he got a picture from a fan who had a picture of Priscilla Presley pulling back her 17 year old daughter's hair while she's making out with her 24 year old boyfriend years ago. That picture ended up in the newspaper today and Perez thinks that it actually helps to sell pictures when they appear on his web site.

Perez said that when he started his blog two and a half years ago, he wanted to write about celebrities because they're so much more interesting than he is. Howard asked Perez about outing people on his site. Perez said that he always gets confirmation about people being gay before he outs them. Howard said that some of them may not want to be outed though so maybe that's not right.

Perez claims that he knows that Clay Aiken is gay but his record label won't let him come out. Perez said that people tend to believe the artist and Lance Bass could have continued on pretending to be straight for years.

Perez talked about the face to face meeting he had with Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas recently after he had bad mouthed her so much on his site. He said she seemed to like him at this event he saw her at but he will continue to write bad stuff about her.

Perez also claims that he has celebrities who will call him and tell him stories. He said that John Stamos called him before he did Howard's show last time and asked him to promote his TV show. Howard asked him if John shares stories about Rebecca Romijn. Perez said he hasn't heard anything but Howard told him he has a lot of dirt on her and it could be big news if he could give it up. He won't spill the story because John has asked him to keep that stuff quiet.

Howard asked Perez if his web site is doing well. He said it's never been better but he has started his own merchandise thing to help offset his legal costs. There are people suing him over the pictures he uses on his site and he thinks the only way he can fight it is in court. He said that he's fighting for himself and for all of the other bloggers out there.

Howard asked Perez who the biggest celebrity asshole is. Perez said that Jesse Metcalf is one. He also said that Jennifer Aniston is another big asshole. Howard asked him who the hottest star is right now and who he has to write about. Perez said that every day is different so it was hard to say. He said that Brad and Angelina are always hot but right now Britney Spears is really hot.

Howard wondered why Michael Jackson has fallen off the face of the earth. Perez said that's because he left the country. Howard asked Perez when he was last banged in the ass. Perez said it was a long time ago. He changed the story to when he last banged a guy in the ass but Perez said it's been a long time. He did blow a guy about a week ago.

A caller asked Perez where he can find the Britney Spears pussy slip pictures. Perez said you can search his site with the ''star seeker'' thing on the left side of his web site. That led to Perez talking about Britney for a short time and how she had 3 pussy slips in one week.

Another caller asked Howard how he can have this guy on the show when he says that the kid from Kyle XY is gay when the kid has come on the show and denied it. Perez said he's heard that the guy has a new boyfriend and he still insists that the guy is gay. The caller asked Perez when he's going to die of AIDS and said that if he ever sees this guy he's going to slap the shit out of him. Perez said he must be doing something right to elicit such a violent act from someone.

Howard wrapped up with Perez and gave him another plug for his web site and talked about how often his girlfriend checks out his site. He went to break after that.



Paris a Parent???


Apparently Britney is having as harmful an impact on Paris as Paris is having on her. After all the time Paris has spent with Britney and her two sons, she now wants to have kiddos of her own. “It’s been my dream to have four babies by 30,” says Hilton, 25, who probably ought to sit down and do the math on that one. “I look after animals," she says, "so I’d have a lot to give my kids.” Sheesh. Paris totally gives these quotes because she knows people will write about how ridiculous they sound. And it works.


Britney, meanwhile, is likely not up for Mother of the Year right now. Page Six reports that Los Angeles Department of Children & Family Services "has been calling Britney trying to set up a meeting with her, so they can check on [Spears' baby sons Sean Preston and Jaden James]. The calls started after this recent bout of bizarre public behavior." I seriously doubt this. I don't think L.A.'s Family Services is in the business of knocking on starlets' doors just because they're out partying whilst being mothers. While this is certainly not the most motherly behavior, something tells me Sean and Jayden are not sitting home alone starving while Britney is out flashing her goodies. I'm sure they're being looked after by her mother or her manager or any one of the other 5000 people on their parents' payroll, not unlike the rest of the diapered population of Malibu.

Are Brit Brit and Paris Getting It On?

Blind Item:

"Which new pair of best friends are actually more? When they get back to their hotels or homes, the clothes come off."

Um, so Britney is doing coke and Paris Hilton. Jesus save us all.

Crazy How the Pounds Come on When You Quit Snorting Coke




At the Stella McCartney store's Christmas tree lighting in LA.

Hooray sobriety!

Beyonce is Being a Bit Diva-licious



Beyonce is trying to act like she doesn't care that Jennifer Hudson is totally getting the better reviews for "Dreamgirls" but she isn't doing a very good job at it. At her film premiere last night she posed for pictures and then abruptly left to hop a plane for her boyfriend JZ's birthday party. I guess she was too much of a diva to actually sit through the movie with the rest of the cast.


Here are some quotes from miss Beyonce regarding the buzz around the film...

"I'm already a star. I already have nine Grammys. Everyone knows I can sing. I did [Dreamgirls] because I wanted people to know that I can act and I can play someone so different from myself."

“I knew that the character that I played wasn’t the star … I’m already a star. I already have nine Grammys. Everyone knows I can sing. I wish I could have gained 20 pounds and played Effie.”

Uh, huh you are just trying to make yourself feel better because...

1) You were supposed to get the Oscar nod for your performance but it is Jennifer Hudson's performance that, according to New York Times reporter David Carr, "seals the show."

2) Her Majesty Oprah actually called Jennifer personally to let her know that she had a "transcendent performance." Oprah just doesn't call everybody personally.

3) Jennifer gets the good songs in the movie including the show stopping "You're Gonna Love Me." Which is shockingly good. Nobody has said much about your voice.

4) All the press in the world isn't going to make people stop about talking about Jennifer Hudson. Oh ya, and you starved yourself to do this movie and she is a full figured beauty who has stolen your star.

I'm so excited to see this movie I can't even explain.

"Dreamgirls" opens December 15th in (NY/LA) and on Christmas Day everywhere else. Go see it!

SHOCKER! Lane Garrison May Have Been DRUNK Behind the Wheel!

After his lawyer assured the world that Lane Garrison was not intoxicated while driving the Land Rover that crashed into a tree, killing a 17-year-old boy, the teenagers at the party he attended beforehand are telling a different story. The detectives over at TMZ tracked them down, and they say that Garrison did "several shots" of Grey Goose before heading off with the teenagers to buy more liquor (and not, as his lawyer said, to meet a female friend at his apartment). Also, TMZ learns that Garrison met the teens originally at a gas station, and not at a supermarket, as was previously stated by his lawyer.

The eyewitnesses also mention that there are photographs of Garrison consuming liquor at this party, and you'd better believe that the TMZ crew has members stationed outside the homes of everyone who could possibly have had a camera at that party. They'll post the pictures just as soon as they've worked out a suitable royalties contract with the legal team of whichever high-school kid took the best photos (this is Beverly Hills, after all), and I'll link you to it when it's up.

In an interesting twist, it was revealed yesterday that Garrison was sent to live with Jessica Simpson and her family in Texas, back when her father was a minister, because he was a "troubled teen." Garrison has stated that he and Jessica "basically grew up together."

New York Trying to Make People Less Fat



New York City is on the cusp of banning the use of trans fats in all of its eateries. By mid 2008 many restaurants will not only have to ban the use of these heart-clogging fats, but also post calorie counts on their menus.
This means that all of the places that use deep fat fryers, which are used to make many of my favorite dishes, will have to find alternate oils. Big fast food restaurants are obviously freaking out over this since they cook their foods in quite frightening ways to begin with.
I wouldn't say that New Yorkers are fat, but on a serious note, getting kids to eat food that won't eventually kill them down the line is always a good idea. I hope that my occasional chocolate cake doughnut from Dunkin Doughnuts will still taste the same cause mmmmm, I like doughnuts.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Late-Night Links

The long-awaited video (seriously, it took a whole day -- that's like a lifetime in the blogosphere) of Jessica Simpson running off-stage at the Kennedy Center Awards has at last arrived. [MollyGood]

Reverend Jesse Jackson is urging the public to boycott Seinfeld DVDs after star Michael Richards' much-publicized racist rant reportedly prompted a spike in DVD sales for the show. My guess is the thought process surrounding most of these purchases went more along the lines of "Oh, hey, I forgot about Kramer. Man, Seinfeld sure was funny. Those DVDs would make a great Christmas gift," and less along the lines of "You mean that Kramer guy's a racist? Oh, now I'll buy the DVDs." A Jason Alexander crotch shot probably would have had a similar impact. But whatever. [CelebSlam]

Beyonce Knowles and Jennifer Hudson are supposedly having some manner of non-feud regarding who upstaged whom in Dreamgirls. I'm not sure if I believe it less than I care, or vice versa. [TMZ]

Porn star Kendra Jade knows words like "disheartened," "inevitable," and "salacious." That or her publicist does. Either way, she didn't sleep with K-Fed. She has standards. [JordanIsYourHomeboy]

Sandra Bullock is either pregnant or she isn't. [Celebrity Smack]

In Case You Still Care...


Jen and Vince are officially dunzo.


Which is totally no surprise, since we haven't seen them together in months.


But still. Now you know.


2006 has been all about celebrity splits.


Here's to hoping that 2007 will be all about new, exciting celeb hook-ups!

American Television is Lame


I was reading this article on Dutch television when it occurred to me how crappy our TV standards are. Someone shows a nipple around this country and people go fucking bonkers but over there in the Netherlands they have "prostate milking" right on the tube! Seriously.

Here are a few excerpts so you don't actually have to leave the sanctuary that is EB.

Another show raising eyebrows is "Spuiten en Slikken" (Shooting and Swallowing), on which every sexual persuasion can be found. It broadcasts on the youth-oriented public broadcaster BNN, currently the most risque station in Holland.
Youth-oriented! I mean, it's not like Skinemax, it's right there for the kids. Too sexual? How about this:
"Patty's Fort," which aired in 2004 on RTL, saw minor Dutch celebs led by former pop singer Patty Brard gather for a colonic irrigation session in a health spa, with the scatological results shown to the audience.
Tell me you wouldn't tune in to see colonic irrigation sessions. C'mon, just say you wouldn't. Liar.
In 1967, broadcaster VPRO caused a worldwide sensation by showing a nude model for the first time on national TV, shown reading a Christian newspaper.
This was in 19 Godamn 67!! And it was an ironic shot too! Man I hate puritanical types. The Dutch have all the fun. The article ends with:
Is there a limit to what is possible on Dutch television? Apparently so. Reality TV pioneer Endemol last year tried to launch a sperm donor show in which a woman would select the father for her baby in front of the camera. The enormous public outcry about the project prompted Endemol to ax the program before it reached the airwaves.
Well that's just lame. Why couldn't she choose the father? What's so nasty about that? Maybe I'm missing something. Anyway, write your congressmen and tell him the FCC are dirty whores.

Tori Spelling Getting Rid of Personal Stuff, Dignity


Thanks to reader Anna for drawing our attention to this, the Tori Spelling "Dazzling Hollywood Estate Sale."


Tori invites you into her house to shop her dazzling valley home, jewelry & closets contents sale. This represents much of her last 15 years of buying & collecting. Included are antique & vintage items from the 19th, 20th, & 21st centuries! French, Italian, Continental, American white wicker, shabby chic, and traditional furniture, crystal chandeliers & sconces, pictures & paintings, lamps, vanity, Tori’s personal jewelry, bric-a-brac, memorabilia, garden & patio, designer & casual clothes, shoes, accessories, photos, etc.


Friday & Saturday, December 8th & 9th — 9AM to 5PM
Monday, December 11th — 9AM to 5PM


Monday is sales & pick-up day
11369 Dona Lisa Dr., Studio City 91604
Off of Laurel Canyon and Dona Pegita Dr.
Thomas Guide: 562-J7


We expect crowds and a long line.
Parking is good but expect to walk.
Check website Wednesday night for pictures.
We have a bag & purse check-in for security.
We will not use numbers for this sale.
Please line up in order going up the hill.


Wow, things must not be going well for Miz Tori in the finance department. I mean, she's selling off her personal bric-a-brac. Can you say faux pas?


If anyone makes it to this, please take pics and send them to us!

Oh Hell Yes: The Lane Garrison Story Has a Jessica Simpson Twist


See, I told you it was weird. Lane Garrison, the 26-year-old Prison Break actor whose Saturday-night outing with 3 teenagers proved deadly for one of them, was sent to live with Joe Simpson as a troubled teen in Texas. Yes, that Joe Simpson. Papa Joe. Jess and Ashlee's dad. Back when he was a minister and not a manager and freelance photographer, trying to make sure the lights hit his daughters' breasts just right.

Garrison has said he and Jessica "basically grew up together."

Jessica's rep weighs in: "She loves him and wishes him well during this difficult time."

Weird. Jessica's whole Dolly Parton mishap occured Sunday night. This accident occured on Saturday night. I wonder if the news had her shaken up. Maybe (please God) there is soooo much more beneath the surface here...

Laura Bennett Pops Out that Kid


Laura Bennett, who totally should have won last season's Project Runway, gave birth last Friday morning to the kiddo she'd been carrying throughout filming. The boy, Finn, is her sixth child overall, and her fifth with husband Peter Shelton, who runs a design firm. Congratulations, Laura!

Please Don't Break My Big Gay Heart

So T.R. Knight (O'Malley, Grey's Anatomy) and Neil Patrick Harris (Doogie, Doogie) made an appearance at a gay themed charity last night. The charity was a suicide hotline for gay youth, and although I'm not sure what's different about talking gay folk down from the ledge I fully respect this portion of the story. I'm down with any hotline actually; hell even the one on the back of my conditioner bottle can be helpful when I need someone to talk to. So no issues there.

Sadly, while reading this and feeling generally great about hotlines I stumbled upon:

"(Doogie) Harris explained that his "highly paid PR firm" had advised him to "lay low for a while."
Man, I don't know who your PR firm is but they suck very hard indeed. Lay low for a while?? If you lay any lower you're going to be getting pancakes for me around 3am at my local IHOP.

Let me break this down for you NPH. No one watches your show, the one with "mother" in the title. Anyone who remembers you knows you as Doogie from a show you did over a decade ago. You were in Starship Troopers for God's sake! Do I have to slap you upside the head for you to see the light? Your career is not on the path to superstardom, maybe it's time to shake things up a little, eh?

My point is that as a lame teen actor you are a dime a dozen. No one needs it. Now as a lame teen actor who is also gay... well, you might be able to get a few more years out of that.

Anyway. Rant over.

When are we opening the EvilBeet PR firm?

Monday, December 04, 2006

Prison Break Star Involved in Fatal Car Crash


In one of the strangest stories I've seen recently, Lane Garrison, who plays Tweener on Prison Break, was involved in a fatal car crash Saturday night in Beverly Hills. Garrison was behind the wheel of his Land Rover when it lost control and crashed into a tree, killing one of the passengers, a 17-year-old boy. Also in the car were two 15-year-old girls, one of whom is still in critical condition at Cedars Sinai. Beverly Hills police say Garrison, who was taken to a hospital and released, displayed "symptoms of alcohol intoxication."


Not to take away from the tragedy of this, but this story gets weird. First of all, Garrison is 26 years old. So what on earth was he doing with three teenagers -- including two 15-year-old girls -- in his car? His lawyer says Garrison had never met the teenagers before. They met him in a supermarket that day, recognized him, and asked him if he wanted to go to a party. Garrison apparently not only agreed to go to the party, but took the teenagers in his car with him? Vincent Chase what?


Later -- according to this lawyer guy -- Lane was leaving the party to meet a woman at his apartment, and the teenagers asked to accompany him. Lane agreed, and they all piled into his car and headed for disaster.


What?? Is this what passes for spin control these days? Let me get this straight -- an attractive 26-year-old actor on a successful TV show opts to spend his Saturday night at a house party with a bunch of teenagers, and then, as he's heading home for his booty call, agrees to take the teenagers with him? No, sir, nothing out of the ordinary here. R. Kelly does it all the time.


Then there's the matter of the booze. According to the lawyer, Lane had a total of two drinks that evening, but -- and this is my favorite part -- "Who knows if someone put something in his drink at the party." Yes, that must be it. The cheerleading squad was planning a rape. They did that at my high school sometimes, too. We had to have a special assembly to discuss the cheerleading-squad-planting-roofies-in-drinks issue. Poor guy.


Lane is reportedly "despondent" over all this. And he should be, since he'll probably soon be moving from Prison Break to prison. We barely knew ye, kiddo.

Late-Night Links

The OC's Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody decide to call it quits. In real life, not on the show. Are they still on that show? Do I really care? No. [Tabloid Whore]

Eddie Murphy reportedly announces to a Dutch television show that he's no longer dating Mel B. (aka Scary Spice) and now questions the paternity of her child. His rep says these reports are false. Maybe Eddie needs to take a tip from Gwyneth Paltrow and brush up on his foreign-language skills. [TMZ]

Um...related? Eddie Murphy is dating film producer and Babyface ex Tracey Edmonds. [Bossip]

I'm Not Obsessed has a good index of YouTube clips from the VH1 Big in 06 Awards. [I'm Not Obsessed]

George Clooney's pet pig dies. Perhaps this will send him into a drunken emotional tailspin, hitting up Hyde every night with new BFF Stavros Niarchos, culminating in a glorious George Clooney crotch shot. Is that too much to ask?? [Junkiness]

I love Jennifer Garner. After her weight gain kicked off rumors of another pregnancy, she decides to just fess up: "Nobody’s pregnant. I am as physically unfit as I’ve probably been in my whole life." [Pop on the Pop]

Oh good. Tori Spelling's writing a memoir. People notes that the opus will "likely be done with the help of a ghostwriter." I would, honestly, be much more interested in the stunning work of literature that Tori Spelling would surely produce if left entirely to her own devices. [People]

Two Beckhams for the price of one Courtney Love? You've got yourselves a deal, England! [popbytes]

Less Beaver. More Borat

Have we forgotten that Borat is still really funny?
I really think that I saw something eerily like this at a reception dinner in Croatia.

Rachel Bilson & Adam Brody: OVER

Life & Style reports that Bilson and Brody are dunzo. This isn't a huge surprise, as there have been rumors of a split forever, and the two have rarely been photographed together the past few months. "They've been done for a few weeks," says a friend.

Is it just me, or have the past couple of months been almost entirely celeb break-ups, with very few new couplings? I guess it's a new trend. This also means there are a lot of free celebs out on the singles market. Hopefully the new year will bring a wave of fun new celeb couplings. Any guesses?

Gwyneth: Lost in Translation

Gwyneth Paltrow responded today to reports that she gave a Portuguese newspaper a quote that "the British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans."

Says Paltrow: "I felt so upset to be completely misconstrued and I never, ever would have said that. I definitely did not say that I think the British are more intelligent and civilized than Americans. I am a New York girl, that's how I always think of myself and see myself."

Paltrow denies giving an interview specifically to the Portuguese paper, although she did give a press conference -- in Spanish -- for an endorsement she did in Spain. "Obviously I need to go back to seventh-grade Spanish!" quips Paltrow.

Update: Ha! The ever-worldly Evil T just emailed me to remind me that they don't speak Spanish in Portugal. Hee hee, maybe Gwyneth needs to go back to seventh-grade social studies instead. I should probably go with her.

UpdateUpdate: In fairness, perhaps the writing staff of that Portuguese daily needs to brush up on their Spanish. Or, you know, stop fabricating stories.

Dakota Fanning Vagina-Flashing Pool


Did anyone catch her on Regis and Kelly this morning? She's still creepily well-spoken, but it's a little less freaky now that she's a pre-teen. It was just really, really unsettling when she was, like, 7, carrying herself with more poise and maturity than most of my coworkers (in fairness, I work in software).

In the sick, sick mind of a celebrity gossip blogger, I'm staring at my TV, trying to follow her captivating story about her recent orthodontist visit, and I'm just sitting there thinking "I cannot wait until this girl flashes her coochie." Not in a because-I-plan-to-masturbate-to-it sort of way, just in a watching-gossip-history-unfold sort of way. I mean, she's 12 years old now. By the time she's 15 or so, she'll probably be Paris Hilton's BFF, because Lindsay Lohan was 15 when Paris adopted her (this is assuming Paris manages to not OD on cocaine or Valtex between now and then). Then will come the drunken nights at whatever the hot LA club is at that point (let's call it "Phurie"), and the hordes of paparazzi, and the short skirts and the absence of underwear, and then the holy, holy grail: the Dakota Fanning Crotch Shot.

So I'm starting a pool. $5 gets you in. In what year will we get the elusive Dakota Fanning crotch shot?

a) She won't hold out much longer: 2007
b) After she needs a bra: 2009
c) During the post-Oscar-win frenzy: 2011
d) At least wait until it's not kiddie porn: 2012
e) You are a sick, sick woman. Dakota would never do that. She will be a virgin forever and will never drink or use drugs or fall into that Hollywood trap. Also, I'm her mother.

Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments. If you'd like to play, email me at evilbeet@gmail.com with your guess, and I'll tell you where to send the check.

Pam and Tommy! Hooray!


Now that we've finally got that Kid Rock nonsense behind us, we're back to adorable pictures of Pam with the true love of her life, Tommy Lee. The two got together to watch their sons play football in Westlake Village, but can a sequel to their fabulous sex tape be far behind? When are they going to realize they were made for each other?!*




*As a side note, "We Were Made for Each Other" is also the name of a track off the Jack's Mannequin album, Everything in Transit. Tommy Lee actually played the drums on this album, and if you haven't heard it, I suggest you do so immediately.

Jessica Chokes Up Singing 9-5.


Jessica Simpson had an Ashlee moment at the Kennedy Center honors for Dolly Parton. After singing Dolly Parton's classic "9-5" Jessica, looking quite nervous said to the crowd "so nervous" then exited the stage. I guess the audience did not clap and seemed stunned at Jess's behavior. At the end of the show Jessica appeared to be crying when all of the artists returned to the stage. There is a question to if her performance will be edited out of the show because of her strange behavior which is sad for Jess since things haven't really gone her way as of late. Maybe she was so scared that because of her declining career she might actually have to "gasp" take a 9-5 job. I mean, that would scare me to tears too.

The Kennedy Center Honors airs December 26th at 9 PM on CBS.

UPDATE: Best Week Ever has the best fake liveblogging of this event EVER.

[Source]

Lance and Reichen: It's Over


*NSYNCer Lance Bass and his boyfriend, Reichen Lehmkuhl, have parted ways, according to TMZ.com. Lance's publicist issued a statement confirming the split, which is rumored to have come as a surprise to Reichen, who'd been denying any split to family and mutual friends.

This summer, the two caused quite a stir when their relationship led boy-bander and Cosmonaut hopeful Bass to come out of the closet, creating bitter disappointment among 12-year-old girls everywhere (and, sadly, a college sorority sister of mine, who is probably in for a lifetime of doomed relationships).

Monday Morning Music


Ladies and gentlemen, via Spiteful Lars, Josh Rouse. Our lovely blogger told me to check this guy out and I am so happy that I did. I love this guy and "It Looks Like Love" is one of my new favorite songs. His voice is velvet and the music has a great bouncy pop feel that makes for perfect driving/riding on the subway music. This will make you happy, espically if you are in one of those states that has finally slipped into winter.

Paltrow Hates You (If You're a Yank)